Colposcopy - I'm scared. (Not looking for med advice)

ilovelondontown

Thank you all so much for your replies, I really do appreciate every one of them.

After I type out my thread I was so emotionally drained from the morning I'd had that I fell asleep, I've only just woken up!

Now I've had a chance to let my emotional head settle, I can see things more clearly, and I feel like I've got more perspective on things.

I know I can't be certain that I'm out of the woods until my results come back, but I need to keep in mind what information I do have

1. The last 2 smears I had prior to the latest one came back normal (I have found my previous letters that confirm this)
2. I've had treatment for CIN3 before and it didn't change my life, even if it does turn out I've got a high grade of cell changes, it's STILL not something to worry about
3. I need to be comforted by the fact that I'm "in the system" I'm monitored closely, I read cases of advance cancers are found in patients who haven't been going for their check ups.
4. Even if it is cancer, it STILL doesn't mean its game over.

I know I have to put this to the back of my mind for the next few weeks while I wait for the results, nothing will change by worrying and if there is something to worry about then I should actually try and enjoy this time while 'ignorance is bliss'

I'll keep you guys posted, but in the mean time I URGE anyone who hasn't been to a smear test they were invited to or if they feel they should have been invited but haven't to get checked out. Getting a clear smear is seconds of your time and may save you a lot of emotions later on!

heartbreak_star

Hey ILLT, hope you're feeling more upbeat and positive now.

I had colposcopy and LLETZ on Wednesday, I'm exhausted, tender and weepy but just glad it's all over.

Fingers crossed for both our results!

HBS x

ilovelondontown

Hi HBS,

Thanks for checking up on me, I'm ok but feeling vunerable about everything and there's a bit of me thinking, what if I am going to die? It's taken then wind out of my sails and I haven't even had the motivation to post here, which I was happily doing daily before hand.

I'm trying to stay as optimistic as I can, I keep breaking it down into, if it does need treatment then they can do that and it'll be a good thing, if it is worse than that then it doesn't mean it terminal yet.

The biggest downside is that I'm suppose to be getting ready for TTC and with this cloud hanging over my head I can't even get excited about that, as they are likely to say I need to wait another 6 months after treatment before I should start ttc. I'd be heart broken if they said I have to wait, my DFW focus comes from knowing I've got the TTC timeline, all my plans are gearing me up for this journey I want to go on and I fear I'm going to find it hard to cope if I find that I have to wait an undefinted lenght of time before I can actually start ttc.

My motivation for most things is in the toilet and I too am feeling weepy and tired.

Glad to hear the treatment's out the way for you, when do you expect to get your results? What was the grade you had, do you know?

heartbreak_star

This is only a blip on the TTC road, not a roadblock Plans can always be remade, sometimes you have to be flexible. Once you're debt-free, you can build a little nest egg for baby things or to spoil yourself a bit.

I have no intention of ever having children, but was worried about dying. The doc was very reassuring and made sure I knew how slow-growing cervical cancer really is, and how much treatment there really is available no matter what stage the cells are at. She also reminded me to do nice things for myself and to try and keep smiling. She was great!

The cells that were removed have been sent away for biopsy, the doc was certain she got them all and I will get the results in a few weeks.

You will be fine Positive thinking *hugs*

HBS x

ilovelondontown

heartbreak_star wrote: »

This is only a blip on the TTC road, not a roadblock Plans can always be remade, sometimes you have to be flexible. Once you're debt-free, you can build a little nest egg for baby things or to spoil yourself a bit.

I have no intention of ever having children, but was worried about dying. The doc was very reassuring and made sure I knew how slow-growing cervical cancer really is, and how much treatment there really is available no matter what stage the cells are at. She also reminded me to do nice things for myself and to try and keep smiling. She was great!

The cells that were removed have been sent away for biopsy, the doc was certain she got them all and I will get the results in a few weeks.

You will be fine Positive thinking *hugs*

HBS x

Wow, that nearly made me burst into tears! I've not really felt able to talk to anyone IRL about it because I don't think they can relate, naturally my DH and my friends are all "You'll be fine, you're not going to die... etc" which is of course the right thing to say and the thing I should focus on but it's such a profound fear that I've got to the point where I feel like the only thing that will reassure me is the medical opinions.

Quite ironically it's made me feel very aware of what's important in life, I haven't worried about anything that I usually worry about, I've taken each kiss and hug from my DH in like I want to remember if forever and I have noticed that my DH has been more loving and close too.

It's a catch 22 this end, I want the results asap to find out what I'm coping with but I also don't want them to come quickly because the more serious it is, the quicker you get the results.

Please let me know when you get your results HBS, I've got my fingers crossed for you too.

heartbreak_star

Oh bless your heart!

Well the doc knew I had high grade dyskaryosis from smear, and she was confident that with the LLETZ treatment and careful follow-up, there would be no cancer. Cervical cancer is exceptionally slow-growing even without treatment, there are obviously exceptions but as a rule it's easily catchable and treatable - that's why all these precautions are in place.

Try and carry on as normal - don't put your life on hold because of a few silly cells and keep me posted!

Lots of love and hugs!

HBS x

any_name_will_suffice

Hi Ladies,

Can I join this thread please? I have a colposcopy booked for 4th October. Is was originally next week, but I have had to reschedule as I think I will be having my period and I was really going to struggle to get the morning off work.

I had a previous colposcopy in 2009 and treatment for severe dyskaryosis. It is two years since my last smear and I have had bleeding during sex. The GP gave me lots of reassurance, examined me internally and said she was going to refer me as my cervix looks inflammed.

I am rather worried, but frustrated most of all, as we were hoping to start ttc again.

heartbreak_star

Hey anws, lots of hugs to you!

I forget how lucky I am that I have a sympathetic workplace. I really hope you get sorted in October.

HBS x

ilovelondontown

Thats HBS for your kind words, I think it really helped having someone to "talk to" that truly understands the worry.

ANWS, of course voice your concerns etc, sharing the worry does help as I've recently found- as your doctor said, bleeding doesn't automoatically mean anything is wrong, but it's good that you're being offered the chance to get checked out properly.

On ttc front, I'm with you there, but as HBS so wonderfully put it, this is a blip, not a roadblock on that front, so it's best to get things straight so ttc can go ahead without an additional worry.

heartbreak_star

Thanks for your kind words also ILLT!

Just hoping that sharing the experiences will help us all. Got a bit of pain today and feeling a bit weepy again, but the first week is over with tomorrow

HBS x