OH Feeling 'Isolated'

Lagoon

paulineb wrote: »

The problem is, if he knocks back every suggestion you or anyone else makes, hes not going to meet new people is he?

When you do a sport like triathlon, you are competing against other people, I did a 12 week bootcamp and then a race day

The thing is, not every single social thing everyone does is going to fill us all with joy, there are days I literally drag my backside out of bed to go and do an exercise class, but its getting me out and its good for me.

Some bootcamps are more competitive than others, you'll get ones where people work in teams, maybe something like british military fitness

Also, if he loves competitve sport why isnt he doing any? There must be something, somewhere that he can tap into.

Forgive me if I seem rude because Im not meant to be but I think hes doing a great job of sabotaging everything that might do him some good, exercise, healthy eating.

I dont love walking either, but I joined a walking group because Im aware of the benefits to my fitness as well as the fact that it lets you meet new people.

I don't think you seem rude, so don't worry about that. I totally agree with you, which is why it got to the point where I started this thread. It's frustrating for me, but he does take the approach where he thinks 'if I wouldn't love to do something, I don't do it', which is why I'm spending time trying to come up with some magic, no doubt impossible, solution.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

£10 a week value snacks; is £520 a year which could easily be spent on a season ticket. He needs to think on.

paulineb_2

Lagoon wrote: »

No, I don't imagine so. As I say, this thread has made him sound much more miserable than he is. He just has very, very limited interests and has been feeling a bit isolated which became a bigger deal yesterday evening after what he saw on Facebook.

He's generally and usually a very happy person, and with money he'd love a football season ticket, he'd love to go out any buy more console games, he'd love to go bowling, he'd love to visit his old 'local' pub where he knows everyone and feels comfortable just turning up alone...lots of options, but nothing he can do without spending more than he's got.

His overeating isn't so much comfort eating in that he's generally happy, but it's habit. I have tried suggesting that he could travel into the city, go to the pub and not spend a small fortune on drinks, but he says that if he's at the pub then he won't feel right not drinking. I would have also suggested that he eat less to save money for other things, but he genuinely manages to eat all this despite spending a maximum of £10 a week, as he buys Value junk foods, so even the possibility of cutting down eating to socialise isn't going to help him find money he doesn't have.

Depending on which football team he supports he could see about sharing a season ticket with someone. I share my season with my brother as he works shifts and cant make all the games and it doesnt bother me missing a few games, works for us

He could look into getting involved with the football team. My team look for stewards now and then or for people to work on matchday at the kiosks and for other general events such as fans input into how the team is being run.

As I said before my brother has been playing football for one of the fans forums teams for 11 years now. Most football teams in the UK have at least one unofficial fans forum, he could log on and see whats going on.

It only costs a few quid for a pint, if hes comfortable being in his old pub, hes the only person stopping himself from doing that.

If he wants more console games, get involved with freecycle, if you give something, you can request something.

£10 a week on junk is over £500 a year, maybe if its put to him in those terms, its more than a few nights out he might have a think about cutting down.

paulineb_2

Lagoon wrote: »

:rotfl:

He actually mentioned the other day that he'd like to do that 'one day'. I think a work colleague has just done one, and he's really interested in it. Not sure at his current fitness level that it's anywhere near close, though. And he won't do the training as he 'hates exercise' and won't even do bootcamp style stuff.

If he could jump straight in to a famous event like this, with no training, and could finish and come away with a medal, he would do it I'm sure.

The thing is, as I said before, sometimes you have to put the effort in to get something back out.

If he likes competitive sport, he doesnt hate exercise. Hed need to do some sort of training for tough mudder. I exercise 6 days a week and no way am I at the fitness level to be able to do it. I wont be scaling 12 foot obstacles anyway, thats my idea of hell, but I think by the sounds of him, hes being a bit unrealistic

Even the most amateur football teams train, my brothers team train 3 times a week, you need to, to be able to cope with 90 mins of cardio

I admire what you are trying to do for your partner, but hes not making it easy for you is he?

Lagoon

paulineb wrote: »

Depending on which football team he supports he could see about sharing a season ticket with someone. I share my season with my brother as he works shifts and cant make all the games and it doesnt bother me missing a few games, works for us

He could look into getting involved with the football team. My team look for stewards now and then or for people to work on matchday at the kiosks and for other general events such as fans input into how the team is being run.

As I said before my brother has been playing football for one of the fans forums teams for 11 years now. Most football teams in the UK have at least one unofficial fans forum, he could log on and see whats going on.

It only costs a few quid for a pint, if hes comfortable being in his old pub, hes the only person stopping himself from doing that.

If he wants more console games, get involved with freecycle, if you give something, you can request something.

£10 a week on junk is over £500 a year, maybe if its put to him in those terms, its more than a few nights out he might have a think about cutting down.

Sorry, I think I've been misunderstood on the £10 thing. That's £10 on junk meals (admittedly large portions, but he gets grumpy if he's 'hungry' and he's a very picky eater), not £10 on snacks. So, it's the food he buys that's essential, but the calories very quickly add up with the amount he eats as a 'portion'. But, this does mean that me telling him to eat healthier food would be met with 'but it won't save me enough to go out'.

The season ticket idea doesn't work yet, as it's not just the ticket he would need. He lives hours from the stadium, so the travel costs are included. It's definitely something to consider in the future. I've even agreed that we could move closer, despite not liking the idea myself, but then we'd be even further from the friends he DOES have here, so he's not keen on that either.

Like I say, he wouldn't stop at a pint at the pub, which is why he doesn't go. It's not financially viable because he knows that if he did go, he would spend more money than he has. He's terrible at money management, and the only way he can stop himself spending is not to put himself in tempting positions.

Lagoon

paulineb wrote: »

I admire what you are trying to do for your partner, but hes not making it easy for you is he?

Not at all.

Yes, it's true. He would happily play football, but he can't find any people interested in meeting up to play locally with a very unfit and overweight guy. That's about the one thing he really HAS made an effort with, since we moved here.

paulineb_2

Lagoon wrote: »

Sorry, I think I've been misunderstood on the £10 thing. That's £10 on junk meals (admittedly large portions, but he gets grumpy if he's 'hungry' and he's a very picky eater), not £10 on snacks. So, it's the food he buys that's essential, but the calories very quickly add up with the amount he eats as a 'portion'. But, this does mean that me telling him to eat healthier food would be met with 'but it won't save me enough to go out'.

The season ticket idea doesn't work yet, as it's not just the ticket he would need. He lives hours from the stadium, so the travel costs are included. It's definitely something to consider in the future. I've even agreed that we could move closer, despite not liking the idea myself, but then we'd be even further from the friends he DOES have here, so he's not keen on that either.

Like I say, he wouldn't stop at a pint at the pub, which is why he doesn't go. It's not financially viable because he knows that if he did go, he would spend more money than he has. He's terrible at money management, and the only way he can stop himself spending is not to put himself in tempting positions.

He might be surprised on that one. I obviously dont know yours or his financial situation, but I have a social life and Im on a very limited income. I dont eat junk food, well very rarely and everything is cooked from scratch or as near as.

If he cant watch his team, why not suggest he gets involved with watching a junior team in the area. I do understand what its like not to care much about teams you dont support but if hes hours away anyway and he does love watching the game there must be a local junior team somewhere near you.

He spends extra money on junk food over and above the shopping you and he do? If Im wrong you can correct me.

To be honest, reading everything youve tried to do for him and his responses, it sounds like hes either too scared to take the leap and do something new or hes deliberately putting the blockers on anything you suggest.

Money is very very tight for me right now but I still manage to get out with friends and do exercise as well regularly and if I can, anyone can.

paulineb_2

Lagoon wrote: »

Not at all.

Yes, it's true. He would happily play football, but he can't find any people interested in meeting up to play locally with a very unfit and overweight guy. That's about the one thing he really HAS made an effort with, since we moved here.

What about workmates, all it takes is for people to hire a five a side pitch and that is your game sorted.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Lagoon wrote: »

Sorry, I think I've been misunderstood on the £10 thing. That's £10 on junk meals (admittedly large portions, but he gets grumpy if he's 'hungry' and he's a very picky eater), not £10 on snacks. So, it's the food he buys that's essential, but the calories very quickly add up with the amount he eats as a 'portion'. But, this does mean that me telling him to eat healthier food would be met with 'but it won't save me enough to go out'.

The season ticket idea doesn't work yet, as it's not just the ticket he would need. He lives hours from the stadium, so the travel costs are included. It's definitely something to consider in the future. I've even agreed that we could move closer, despite not liking the idea myself, but then we'd be even further from the friends he DOES have here, so he's not keen on that either.

Like I say, he wouldn't stop at a pint at the pub, which is why he doesn't go. It's not financially viable because he knows that if he did go, he would spend more money than he has. He's terrible at money management, and the only way he can stop himself spending is not to put himself in tempting positions.

I was thinking to start going to see a local team not travelling halfway across the country.

It seems he is his own worst enemy when it comes to suggestions...

Lagoon

paulineb wrote: »

If he cant watch his team, why not suggest he gets involved with watching a junior team in the area. I do understand what its like not to care much about teams you dont support but if hes hours away anyway and he does love watching the game there must be a local junior team somewhere near you.

He spends extra money on junk food over and above the shopping you and he do? If Im wrong you can correct me.

To be honest, reading everything youve tried to do for him and his responses, it sounds like hes either too scared to take the leap and do something new or hes deliberately putting the blockers on anything you suggest.

Money is very very tight for me right now but I still manage to get out with friends and do exercise as well regularly and if I can, anyone can.

That junior team thing is a great idea, thanks. I'll pass that on. Football-wise we've been so fixated on the cost of supporting his main team that we've never talked about local 'junior' teams that wouldn't mean he was 'betraying his beloved'!

And no, we actually do separate grocery shops so it's the full extent of his grocery shopping. We've always paid for our own groceries, and it used to be that because I wanted good quality food, we ate together but he contributed his £10 and I paid the rest. Now, he works 10 or 11 hours a day, six days a week, and doesn't get home until very late so we've completely split our eating, as I'd be starving by the time he got home. So, I make my food and he gets home a couple of hours later and puts his food in the oven.