Husband's ex wife wanting more money

Guest101

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Strange how most parents don't see their children as commodities that carry a pay per view premium and can be dumped like a SKY subscription if they're a bit skint at the beginning of term, rather than ask the other parent to make a 50% contribution to what can be the largest expense of any year (as you have to buy school uniform, even Christmas presents aren't compulsory and not affording them won't lead to a kid being unable to access Statutory Education). Perhaps it might be because they love them? Radical suggestion, I know.

The PWC was given the choice, decided to care for their child, thumbs up. Don't then cry that you cant cope, so want the financial bonuses, but not give up the PWC responsibility.

It's that simple. cant have your cake and eat it.

foolofbeans

Very generous of you to pay up OP.

Having been a single parent I have to say it was the best time of my life. I honestly felt like I was getting money thrown at me. Working part-time meant I got maximum top ups from tax credits and if I'd have had maintenance on top I'd have been laughing all the way to the bank as it's not classed as income for tax credits assessments.

I know I certainly never asked for a contribution towards school uniform as I had a good inkling of when it was needed and how much it costs and budgeted accordingly.
Actually I'm kidding....I never budgeted as I never needed to with the amount of income I had!!

foolofbeans

I have friends who earn decent wages and pay maintenance for the husband's child. It works out that they actually have a lower income than the PWC because they don't receive tax credits as just over the threshold but are actually £5000 worse off due to maintenance paid.
In comparison the PWC receives a £500 monthly maintenance payment, has a part time job and receives full top ups from tax credits so her take home is higher than the couples!

tinkerbell28

foolofbeans wrote: »

I have friends who earn decent wages and pay maintenance for the husband's child. It works out that they actually have a lower income than the PWC because they don't receive tax credits as just over the threshold but are actually £5000 worse off due to maintenance paid.
In comparison the PWC receives a £500 monthly maintenance payment, has a part time job and receives full top ups from tax credits so her take home is higher than the couples!

People won't thank you for saying the reality...it doesn't live up to the single mother in rags theme.

It's true though. I've got a good friend who is a single mother, one child, part time work, her husband upped and left. She's laughing last. She even admits herself. The top ups she gets brings her up to what would be deemed a "good" salary. With his maintenance on top, which is less than this, she is better off than she ever was.

She also pays a higher mortgage too....

Which is why I think op has been understanding really. The PWC probably has a higher disposable income when all is said and done.

supersaver2

clearingout wrote: »

speaking as a contributor with an 'axe to grind', perhaps it would be worth looking at the bigger picture rather than making ridiculous, ill-informed assumptions about a person...tenth hand on the internet?

I am a single parent to three children and have a non-contributing ex who his happy to see his children, just not support them. I have been on benefits - and had people call me 'benefit scrounging scum' to my face and I currently work full-time, as a teacher, where I still receive comments about my parenting, usually along the lines of 'poor children, in childcare every day, perhaps they would be better off living with their father?'. I am OK financially now - because I have worked hard and saved hard and gone without in a huge, huge way, for many years now. But I still get some tax credit and child benefit so I guess I'm still 'scum' in the eyes of people like you - I'm a single parent, after all, so I must have either been a terrible wife or chosen that life so I deserve no respect whatsoever.

This month I have had to fork out a small fortune in essential house repairs which include the treatment of black mould in one of the children's bedrooms. I have also had to arrange additional childcare to deal with roadworks which sit in the way of my path to school and will mean that I don't get there on time if I don't re-arrange things. This has come at an additional cost of £500 a month, of which I will now need to find £350 a month myself (tax credits will pick up the rest). I wonder how many people here could deal with an additional expense of £350 a month out of the blue with no end date in sight (at least three months, possibly more) without feeling the pinch and without feeling incredibly hard done by when your ex takes no responsibility whatsoever for their children. Frankly, paying £450 a month to have someone else worry about what everything involved in bringing up a child whilst you stand back and get to comment on how badly it's being done is cheap at half the price.

And then you come on here and you read total carp from people who are second guessing income, second guessing outgoings, making assumptions about this woman's working status (because it is incredibly simple to just earn more or gain more hours at work in the current climate, isn't it?) My ex knows nothing about what I spend on my house or childcare or anything else. He has no clue what might be an essential repair or what finance I might have had to take out to make sure the children live in reasonable conditions - and yet I'm sure he'd have something to say if the children were ill as a result of the mould in the house,as would the latest girlfriend who I can see now in public forums 'she works full time, you'd think she could afford to get the problem sorted? Should we go for full custody?'. The response to that would be 'gosh, terrible woman, even though she's working full time I get she spends all her money on fags and vodka...of course you must go for full custody'. And as such, I struggle to understand why all of you here are quite clear about this woman's incomings and out-goings and your assertions that she is taking the mick and clarity that she can afford her son's school uniform at this precise moment in time.

I asked the OP questions about how she knows this woman's income, out-goings, what debts she may be carrying, what additional debts she may have had to take out to deal with essentials etc. etc. The only response I have received to this is to be told 'I have an axe to grind' and that the woman robbed her husband blind by leaving him and demanding a share of the life they had together. Indeed, she seems to feel her husband is doing everyone a favour by taking his child on holiday. None of this deals with the fundamental issue: the welfare of the child who needs housing and feeding and clothing, one way or another. If the mother isn't going to do it - either because she's taking the mick or because she's currently struggling (which is not impossible, for a million reasons none of us could possibly even begin to guess about) - that leaves the father. But hey ho, child can go without for all you lot care and that's the end of it.

OMG what was that all about in response to my post, you do realise this thread isn't actually about you and your situation. I'm sorry your ex doesn't contribute to your children, clearly this isn't the case here so quite why you have an axe to grind with the OP is beyond me.

I think you come across as quite unpleasant and incredibly bitter, how dare I 'come on here and read carp' as you say and dare contribute?! It's an open forum, My post, in my opinion was reasonable, and I don't think calling other posters contributions crap is very pleasant, you say your a teacher, so am I (15 years teaching secondary science, I would expect better of a proffesional). As for the emotive last sentence, really who has said the child should go without?

paulineb_2

Lots of people are second guessing income and outgoings but its going both ways. And just assuming that the dad has to pay if she cant manage the money she has is totally ridiculous.

I think theres a need for balance. This mother is someone who has a smallish mortgage if its not paid off. She gets child benefit and working tax credits, she gets child tax credit and maintenance.

Unless shes got monumental outgoings shes not going to be skint.

If people think other posters are talking crap, pass those posts by. I think there have been some incredibly harsh comments made to the OP.

And if this woman cant provide for her son, someone needs to give her a proverbial kick up the backside and ask her what shes doing with her cash.

Some people out there dont have much money, but on the surface, this woman doesnt look to be one of them and if she does have debt that she needs to deal with, she can do something about it the same way as many other people on these boards do, many with families.

Hes the childrens father, hes not a cash dispenser, theres a difference, hes already contributing over £100 a week.

Oh and if it were me, Id be asking her why she doesnt seem to be buying the kid new clothes, or second hand clothes even.

As I say, you cut your coat according to your cloth. Bloody hell, I wonder what she would have done in the days when there was no WTC or CTC,?

Asked the father for more money? Surely he doesnt need to make up the shortfall if shes crap at budgeting or has debt

Shes an adult, if she cant budget enough to buy her kid new clothes (not talking about the school clothes that this thread is about) then she needs to learn and fast.

Some kids live in horrendous conditions in the UK, in houses that arent fit to be inhabited and where they live in real poverty, with not enough food on the table, thats reality.

Really, theres a lot to be said for counting your blessings.

clearingout

supersaver2 wrote: »

OMG what was that all about in response to my post, you do realise this thread isn't actually about you and your situation. I'm sorry your ex doesn't contribute to your children, clearly this isn't the case here so quite why you have an axe to grind with the OP is beyond me.

I think you come across as quite unpleasant and incredibly bitter, how dare I 'come on here and read carp' as you say and dare contribute?! It's an open forum, My post, in my opinion was reasonable, and I don't think calling other posters contributions crap is very pleasant, you say your a teacher, so am I (15 years teaching secondary science, I would expect better of a proffesional). As for the emotive last sentence, really who has said the child should go without?

I am sorry. I am a single mother with responsibilities I never asked for and his has hit a huge nerve. I am at breaking point and can no longer manage. There is only so much I can take.

emsywoo123

foolofbeans wrote: »

Very generous of you to pay up OP.

Having been a single parent I have to say it was the best time of my life. I honestly felt like I was getting money thrown at me. Working part-time meant I got maximum top ups from tax credits and if I'd have had maintenance on top I'd have been laughing all the way to the bank as it's not classed as income for tax credits assessments.

I know I certainly never asked for a contribution towards school uniform as I had a good inkling of when it was needed and how much it costs and budgeted accordingly.
Actually I'm kidding....I never budgeted as I never needed to with the amount of income I had!!

I am a single parent who works (yes, I therefore get tax credits etc) but I'd give up my benefits in a heartbeat if my kids father stepped up to be even half the dad mine is. My memories of childhood are not of flashy cash moments, but dad taking me to the park or beach, and no money "thrown" at me can replace the sadness I have that my kids won't have those memories.


While I take on board your thoughts, it's not all about the money. How very un-MSE of me.

shoe*diva79

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I am a single parent who works (yes, I therefore get tax credits etc) but I'd give up my benefits in a heartbeat if my kids father stepped up to be even half the dad mine is. My memories of childhood are not of flashy cash moments, but dad taking me to the park or beach, and no money "thrown" at me can replace the sadness I have that my kids won't have those memories.


While I take on board your thoughts, it's not all about the money. How very un-MSE of me.

I totally agree. As a single mum to 2 children, I dont currently work (student). My relationship breakdown was not what I wanted and although I receive a healthy and generous amount of CM from my ex, I would rather be skint and living in a box if it meant my kids could grow up with the same 'family' memories I had.

Melaniep101

clearingout wrote: »

I am sorry. I am a single mother with responsibilities I never asked for and his has hit a huge nerve. I am at breaking point and can no longer manage. There is only so much I can take.

Clearingout, I hope this doesn't come across as patronising, as it really isn't meant that way, but I promise you that things WILL get better. I've been there, and at the time there didn't seem any light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to keep picking yourself up and dusting yourself off. When my daughter was 2 and a half, we were homeless, and spent the best part of a year staying at friends houses. Her father had long since moved on and had washed his hands of his daughter. I watched bailiffs come and change the locks on my house and take most of what we owned. It's been a long haul, and I've made many many sacrifices, and worked many awful jobs to make sure she had somewhere to sleep, dinner on the table and clothes on her back. But we got through it, and you'll get through it.

I hope things get better for you very soon x