Interfaith marriages-do they work?

Dunroamin

lostinrates wrote: »

There have been marriages in politics where one has been Tory and one labour haven't there?

DH's family were old labour, and my family are old Tory. DH and I are not perfectly politically aligned, though much closer than that. It makes for wonderful animated conversation and discussion.

My nightmare marriage would be one where their was no stimulating conversation or challenging my own ideological boundaries.

Mainstream Tory and Labour are often not that far apart.

I wouldn't want to be married (or in a relationship with) someone whose politics were diametrically opposed to my own, however "challenging" that might be. For me, a partnership is about moving in the same direction and with the same aims, not continually pulling in opposite directions and having to fight all the time.

Marriage is hard enough at the best of times without making a political battleground of it.

seven-day-weekend

Dunroamin wrote: »

Mainstream Tory and Labour are often not that far apart.

I wouldn't want to be married (or in a relationship with) someone whose politics were diametrically opposed to my own, however "challenging" that might be. For me, a partnership is about moving in the same direction and with the same aims, not continually pulling in opposite directions and having to fight all the time.

Marriage is hard enough at the best of times without making a political battleground of it.

Absolutely. And following a religion is not like following a football team, whatever others may say.

How can you be happily married (or in a committed relationship with) someone whose motivation, aims, goals, raison d'etre and inspiration are just so totally different to your own? Who wants to go in a different direction?

How would you practise your faith, or they theirs, in such a situation? It's not just a matter of going to the mosque or church or synangogue or temple. It is the WHOLE of your life. What if they wanted to eat halal or keep kosher at home and you thought this method of slaughtering was barbaric and didn't want all the 'faff' connected with it? and what if not to do this meant they were compromising their faith? What if you were expected in your home to relegate Jesus to the position of merely a prophet or charismatic Jewish rabbi? How could a Christian practise their faith in the whole of their life if they did that? How could the devout Jew or Muslim do so if they could not keep halal or kosher or keep Shabbat or celebrate Eid in a manner true to their faith?

I have a friend who is an Orthodox Jew. We have been friends for over thirty years. We could not live together without compromising both our faiths. So how could a couple like this be married ?

lostinrates

Dunroamin wrote: »

Mainstream Tory and Labour are often not that far apart.

I wouldn't want to be married (or in a relationship with) someone whose politics were diametrically opposed to my own, however "challenging" that might be. For me, a partnership is about moving in the same direction and with the same aims, not continually pulling in opposite directions and having to fight all the time.

Marriage is hard enough at the best of times without making a political battleground of it.

That's true, about not that far apart.

I think battle ground is a little beyond what i am talking about (DH and I have argued twice ...I can only remember what one of those was about and it was a silly row in early stages of relationship). We like to discuss 'issues' and often have a different view, because of our different cultural vantage point, I LOVE that. I feel like it gives us great discussions, nothing like battles, and then understandings. Sometimes these lead to us changing our opinions to see things more from the other's perspective, more often than not it means both of us see a new perspective, a third one.

'Challenge' in the way i used it doesn't mean 'battle' to me, it means excitement, adventure and learning. I wouldn't want to live in a relationship where it was battle, or oppression or bullying either, on that we can agree I think. . I certainly think where it counts we move forward together, us prioritising us. We do have shared values (as do many people s across many backgrounds ) and opinions and our aims are the same. We also have different beliefs, some are easier than others, and of course some of these are harder than others to respect.

End of life, for example, is a big one that has reared its head once before before and will rear its head in the future, we feel differently over this, and I think this is harder for him than it is for me. The children thing might have been awkward, because I genuinely don't know what we would have decided to do. I would, despite our like of belief, wanted a child to benefit from the cultural richness from both our faith....and yet to remain aware they had options beyond those faiths and any faith.

sharnad

lostinrates wrote: »

Is intolerance or ignorance best tackled with intolerance and ignorance?

It's ignorant to say what I said was said in ignorance. It wasnt

sharnad

Dunroamin wrote: »

Like others on DT, you're deliberately misinterpreting some people's views.

Wish I was however if she doesn't mean what she says she should stop saying It

fawd1

Torry_Quine wrote: »

We are told to be in the world but not of it. Actually I think it can in many ways be harder to be a Christian with people in a normal mixed life than a life of seclusion. I also believe in the priesthood of all believers so I am already a priest.

Sorry, where are you told that? Where exactly in the bible does it tell you to no be of the world? I ask as someone brought up as a RC.

fawd1

And also, how is it harder to be a believer? If you believe, then surely your faith is unshakeable. If not unshakeable then just not up for discussion. Every single one of my friends from school is a devout christian, bar one. So, of 12 of us, 10 are practicing devout christians. We are still friends. They take in my point of view and respectfully disagree, as I do theirs. This includes friends that are youth group leaders, and vicars now. Not one of them has ever, ever, ever said that being of a different faith is a problem. Yes they will say that being able to pray with a partner is easier, but all have said it wasn't the deciding factor. In fact, the vicar married a hindu.

In my experience of God, faith, and more importantly a moral desire to treat people well, tends to be the biggest issue within any religion.

Torry_Quine

fawd1 wrote: »

Sorry, where are you told that? Where exactly in the bible does it tell you to no be of the world? I ask as someone brought up as a RC.

It means not following the ways of the world, it's a common used expression in my experience.

Torry_Quine

fawd1 wrote: »

And also, how is it harder to be a believer? If you believe, then surely your faith is unshakeable. If not unshakeable then just not up for discussion. Every single one of my friends from school is a devout christian, bar one. So, of 12 of us, 10 are practicing devout christians. We are still friends. They take in my point of view and respectfully disagree, as I do theirs. This includes friends that are youth group leaders, and vicars now. Not one of them has ever, ever, ever said that being of a different faith is a problem. Yes they will say that being able to pray with a partner is easier, but all have said it wasn't the deciding factor. In fact, the vicar married a hindu.

In my experience of God, faith, and more importantly a moral desire to treat people well, tends to be the biggest issue within any religion.

I said it can be harder to be a Christian when living amongst others who obviously don't all share your views and can lead to temptation than when living amongst those who share your views.

seven-day-weekend

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It means not following the ways of the world, it's a common used expression in my experience.

Mine too.

AFAIK this exact phrase is not in the Bible, but I believe it is a paraphrase of others:

Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, in order to prove by you what is that good and pleasing and perfect will of God.

John 15:19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. But because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.

John 17:14-15
I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.
.