TallGirl's getting back on track diary

TallGirl

Ok logistics worked out ex BIL and Ex SIL will be taken straight to the pub then I will txt DG to make sure she isn't lying on the bed or something. She will go out and practise her golf and I can then take them to the house and show them around before they drive back. I will tell them she is living there makes it easier.


I should say in the year we have been apart ex DH and me he hasn't once said he misses me, loves me, wants me back the closest he has come was very early on when I pushed him and asked if he was happy that I had left he just said "I don't want this". It is really sad in a way as we did have some good times together and I did love him but now he is a different person and although I care about him (probably more about his family) I don't love him anymore.


I made the absolute right decision to leave him for my own sanity and selfworth really why should I sacrifice my happiness for someone who doesn't want to be helped.


I can 100% say I didn't leave DH because of my feeling for DG I think she helped me clarify my mind that I had to leave but that was all.


Anyway this is MFW about money savings and not relationship board.


No spend on lunch today and got my free latte (always skinny) but will obviously spend tonight on drinks with people.

TallGirl

Ended up being a no spend day yesterday as BIL paid for a very nice meal and bottle of wine lovely to see them both I do like them.

So he has not seen his brother but he knows his dad had been feeding the cats every day which is just crazy. We are meeting Sunday just him and I to talk more but he basically asked if we were getting divorced (well I am not and he isn't capable) and if I was going to buy him out. If I was then he wanted to buy a small place for his brother with the proceeds as he is concerned it will all get drunk up otherwise.

They are no longer paying him a wage so I said no way can he stay in the house I am not paying for his utility bills but also with out a permanent job I cannot get a mortgage. Ex Dh is 55 next year so can take his pension so I suggested he stays in the house as his dad wont have him live with him. BIL thinks that could work with the company paying the utility bills directly which I would be happy with. We will discuss further Sunday.

I don't think DH will last that long at this rate or maybe he needs to hit rock bottom and seek help. My plan is to suggest to his dad he takes the cats to live with him and then uses them as a tool to perhaps put pressure on ex DH to say he cannot get them back until he does detox. It might not work but it buys me a bit more time and I would like ex DH to have them if he does get better.

I looked at mortgages and the house is worth £280,000 I think he would take £120/£130K so a mortgage like that on my salary is easily possible and would cost around £900 a month over 15 years (I would be 60) but the place rents at £1250 so even with taxes and maintenance it could work. DG is a housing solicitor so no problem in being a landlord and we only live just over an hour away.

What do people think? Give him a year in the house then buy him out (if he hasn't pegged it) and then he will have his pension and smaller mortgage free place or should I sell up then and come of the property market (not buying in London). I will see what BIL says in Sunday but cats are more important.

Working until 1pm then racing home to pack car and get off to see my neighbour before speaking to FIL and picking up my beautiful boys to take them to the vets.

gallygirl

Personally I'd wait and see how the dust settles, I don't think coming out of property would be good for you long term.

Congrats on new relationship , hope it continues to go well

Floxxie

Loving the updates Tallgirl. Congratulations on moving forward :beer:

Can I ask do you hold your house as joint tenants or tenants in common?

Are you expecting to divorce your ex first or wait until after he dies (apologies if that is a little too direct)? Or are you ignoring the divorce aspect and just looking at dividing your property?

Afterall of that gallygirl's response summarised my thoughts :rotfl:

daisy_1571

Hi Tallgirl

Stumbled across this a few days ago and was delighted to find you back on mse. My word you have been through such a lot since DD started the mfi3 and I first started reading your diary. Having woked my way through this diary, I was delighted to read your personal post, I had been worried about you in some lonely wee flat share without your beautiful boys but it's so nice to read how happy you are. Wishing you and DG all the very best in your new relationship, and hoping exDH can find some peace, such a worry for all the family.

Daisy xxx

TallGirl

Quick hello I will update later probably thanks for your thoughts yes I am very happy with DG and we had a nice time at our friends surprise party last night.

Cats have lost weight too much Jack will need all his teeth out in two months so will most likely have him stay with me after his op then rehomed them both. Really sad but although ex dh told me he feeds them he clearly doesn't as again there was no soft food around just dry which wasn't down nor was there any water. FIL will go down and feed and next door and I'll work something out with the cleaner.

Anyway update properly later

TallGirl

Ok firstly we are joint tenants so he cannot do anything without my say although today he signed a power of auterney for his dad so they can deal with the business. I don't believe his brother will try to do anything with our house he is more interested in his dad's house and as he is 91 there is a good chance he will inherit this soon and obviously he doesn't want his brother getting his hands on that sort of money.

Ex FIL has agreed to pay the bills and the cleaner direct and my neighbour is all set up with a key to feed the cats everyday so that's a worry less. I need to switch gas can electric our fixed deal ends end of June. Read the meter so not a problem to do this now. Amazed DD will stay the same and only a £43 debit as ex dh uses a lot of heat.

I'm certain ex bil is keen on divorce to protect himself and once the cats are out of the house I will reassess everything. My EX FIL is talking dh to the doctors tomorrow (if he can get him there) and we shall see what happens. Say he did go into rehab he might well be able to have the cats but long term who knows how damaged his memory is.

I wouldn't buying him out without divorcing him might as well deal with both and it is morbid to say he might peg it but honestly he state he is in and he's not eating who knows what will happen. He already had fatty liver so it might well have progressed after a year of heavy drinking and two months of whiskey morning day and night.

I do quite fancy being a landlord actually it would be good to stay on the property ladder and the house is in good nick will need very little doing apart from the safety checks a full repaint, new carpets upstairs in two rooms and then a new cooker and it will look good again. I told ex bil my deadline is December 16 as I might have to move from here. He was fine about that.

Bit awkward as I was in the house when his brother and dad turned up but I was only feeding the cats and getting a key for next door. They were both fine. Then bil knocked on next door where I was as he wanted me to sign power of auterney which I sidestepped and got DG to do instead. Not sure if that was wise but better than me doing it. Bil did say when he saw DG oh you're here too so I said yes I'm staying at her uncles and it was a mutual friends party I came down for. Obviously he hadn't bothered to ask before. Anyway I don't think he suspect a thing best that way as he's so money orientated.

Shame about having to rehome the cats but I would rather they are happy. For me to have them I would have to give up being a property guardian and pay commercial rent probably on a small pokey flat so not sure that's fair on them as they are outdoor cats and like gardens and need parking but let's wait and see first deadline is Aug anyway a lot can happen.

Feel good about things moving on and it was nice seeing my other friend today who's going for a new job. Anyway will end here catch up on some diaries now

TallGirl

Switched gas and electric saving £355.05 a year fixed for 1 year. Went via Martins club thingy but bill was in debit so instead of staying at £96 it will go up to £130 as DH has got the heating on all the time. I need to do full breakdown of bills and work out what the new payments will be. Hopefully do that tonight.


I also want to write a letter to DH stating the cats are underweight and Jack needs his teeth out and that my intention is to get this done and then rehome them unless things improve dramatically. Also let him know my neighbour will be feeding them everyday.


His memory is so bad he might not take it in but I have at least put it in writing. I can easily get the papers relating to the cats and I already have the insurance details. Only thing is he will need to sign the insurance form as I think his name is on Jack's insurance.


Work a bit manic need to crack on shouldn't be doing personal stuff but my head is a bit all over the place re my friend who I saw yesterday and a job she applied for which may have gone to my old manager and so called friend. We are in such a small industry it is very interlinked. My friend did have a close escape I think but she is a bit down at not getting the job.

Mortgagefreeby50

Hi TG! I've been away from mse for a while and I'm so glad to hear that you're doing good, you seemed very unhappy when I left

You have been very strong and brave to get yourself out of a horrible situation (my sis had the same so kind of know where you're coming from) and you have acknowledged that nothing you can do will make him change.

catshark88

I'm so glad to hear that you are in a happy relationship, you so deserve it after all you have gone through!

Its sad that you may need to rehome your cats, but it will be such a relief for you to know that they are taken care of and are safe.