Best man's wife...

Daxx

Without pressurising, maybe just mention you are doing seating plans and where would best mans wife like to sit? let them make the decision.

it shouldnt be the case but sounds like the easiest option.

FBaby

Daxx wrote: »

Without pressurising, maybe just mention you are doing seating plans and where would best mans wife like to sit? let them make the decision.

it shouldnt be the case but sounds like the easiest option.

Yes. but then I am pretty certain they would say she would like to be next to her husband which leaves us with either a table of 11 (which we still need to make sure is indeed possible as the hotel coordinator did say 8 or 10) or with no choice but to boot someone else, in which case it would have to be sister's partner and then I would feel really uncomfortable for him and sister (as if given the choice, without a doubt they would also both say they want him there).

It's funny how OH and I started with full confidence that we would do what we wanted only and it didn't matter what others said because it was OUR wedding. Then when it comes down to it, we are more concerned with making sure with don't upset anyone rather than thinking about what we want best!

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

Yes. but then I am pretty certain they would say she would like to be next to her husband which leaves us with either a table of 11 (which we still need to make sure is indeed possible as the hotel coordinator did say 8 or 10) or with no choice but to boot someone else, in which case it would have to be sister's partner and then I would feel really uncomfortable for him and sister (as if given the choice, without a doubt they would also both say they want him there).

How about having the best man, his wife, the bridesmaid and her OH on their own table - a kind of "second" top table?

sheeppappar

Errggh what a nightmare! I think you should make sure you do what *you* both want.

I don't think choosing someone's seat based on whether they are miffed about it is a good reason. You seem to have been very thoughtful about your reasons for your suggestion, even down to satisfying yourself that the best man's wife would be with people who would help her to enjoy that part of the day.

If your fiance wants the best man's wife to sit at the top table because *he* would like her to sit there then that's something for you both to hammer out between yourselves and one of you will have to make a compromise. If it's that he thinks she *should* sit there because of wedding etiquette then that is another thing and not a reasonable reason.

If you start asking people where they want to sit that is opening a can of worms and making loads more stress for yourselves! I think you both need to decide who sits where.

So once you have come to a decision which you think is reasonable just stick to your guns. If you think someone may take offence then just speak to them saying why you've done it - but make it clear they have no input into the decision or any opportunity to change it. I think it would be courteous to let the best man's wife know in advance so that on the day she's not thinking "why am I sitting down here?" but that is all you need to do.

We've done a table plan for our tiny wedding meal and it means my 2 closest friends will be far away from me - it's unavoidable and there are good reasons why, so I've just spoken to them and explained and everything is fine. Hope it gets sorted for you. xx

shop-to-drop

I'm no expert as skipped the whole formal wedding but i wouldn't have thought either the bridesmaid's boyfriend or the bestman's wife would be seated at the top table. I would seat them together on another table close to the top table. Preferably with someone they know but not really important as they are there for you and to see you married. If the bridesmaid/bestman's partner sit with them it will be a distraction from their role at the wedding.

Also if neither of them are seated at top table this is fair and neither would have reason to complain.

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

Thank you. This is what I thought and have been told by others, but my fiance is adamant that this would be rude. The problem is that if she is to seat with us, it would have to be either my dad's wife who would have to go and I consider her close family, or my sister's boyfriend (sister being bridesmaid), which in theory would be ok since I haven't even met him yet (live abroad), but he only knows my sister and mum there, speaks another language and is about 20 and 40 years younger than all the other people there who all know each other. He and sister have been together three years and are very serious, so good chance he might become family. I appreciate best man's wife, but don't feel close to her at all.

shop-to-drop wrote: »

I'm no expert as skipped the whole formal wedding but i wouldn't have thought either the bridesmaid's boyfriend or the bestman's wife would be seated at the top table. I would seat them together on another table close to the top table. Preferably with someone they know but not really important as they are there for you and to see you married. If the bridesmaid/bestman's partner sit with them it will be a distraction from their role at the wedding.

That's the norm but there are special circumstances in FBaby's case.

themull1

We're having the best mans wife at the top table, but ours is informal and we're not sticking to any rules, my mam and dad aren't on the top table, they're sitting with their friends....do whatever you like, its your day.

FBaby

Thanks a lot Sheeppappar for your kind words.

How about having the best man, his wife, the bridesmaid and her OH on their own table - a kind of "second" top table?

You know, I do like this idea, but that would just come with more trouble, them having absolutely nothing in common to discuss, but worse, my dad in between my step-mum and mum!!

my mam and dad aren't on the top table, they're sitting with their friends....

I did think of that too and thought my mum might want to sit with another couple for specific reasons, but she did get offended when I told her she had the choice, telling me that of course she expected to be seated at the top table (and my mum is normally very laid back!) so now don't dare asking my dad the same question!

How about just hubby to be and I on the big huge table and everyone else on the other tables, that would solve all the problems

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

How about just hubby to be and I on the big huge table and everyone else on the other tables, that would solve all the problems

That sounds like the answer! I know couples who have parents/step-parents who don't all get on who have done that.

You won't need to be at a big table alone. The room and tables should be organised to suit your seating plan so get rid of the top table and have the people who would have sitting there at the tables nearest to you.

themull1

You could just have a table for two, and all the rest on round tables.