Best man's wife...

FBaby

...would it be expected that they seat at the top table with the best man if there are good friends of theirs sitting at other tables?

sheeppappar

No definitely not. I have been in that situation and was put on a "normal" table. The bride and groom were considerate enough to put me with people who I knew (as it sounds like you are being) and that was fine XX

Sazzarella

Traditionally no, it would only be best man and maid of honour at top table with bride, groom and parents. However you can do it any way you like. We have decided to just have us and parents at the top table and best men and bridesmaids on another table beside their partners.

FBaby

Thank you. This is what I thought and have been told by others, but my fiance is adamant that this would be rude. The problem is that if she is to seat with us, it would have to be either my dad's wife who would have to go and I consider her close family, or my sister's boyfriend (sister being bridesmaid), which in theory would be ok since I haven't even met him yet (live abroad), but he only knows my sister and mum there, speaks another language and is about 20 and 40 years younger than all the other people there who all know each other. He and sister have been together three years and are very serious, so good chance he might become family. I appreciate best man's wife, but don't feel close to her at all.

It is a pity that with all the preparations, this is the only issue my fiance and I don't totally agree on. Anyway, we will need to come up with a solution very soon

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

Thank you. This is what I thought and have been told by others, but my fiance is adamant that this would be rude. The problem is that if she is to seat with us, it would have to be either my dad's wife who would have to go and I consider her close family, or my sister's boyfriend (sister being bridesmaid), which in theory would be ok since I haven't even met him yet (live abroad), but he only knows my sister and mum there, speaks another language and is about 20 and 40 years younger than all the other people there who all know each other. He and sister have been together three years and are very serious, so good chance he might become family. I appreciate best man's wife, but don't feel close to her at all.

It is a pity that with all the preparations, this is the only issue my fiance and I don't totally agree on. Anyway, we will need to come up with a solution very soon

Can't you just fit an extra person in at the top table?

If the bridesmaid's partner is on the top table, it would look strange not to have the best man's wife there too. I can see that there are special reasons for your sister's partner being there but I would try to fit them both in.

FBaby

That would make 11 though and been told for a straight table, it is 10 max. I don't like the idea of a rounded table.

I see what you mean about bridesmaid partner vs best man's wife, but in one case it is family related who knows no-one, on the other hand it is not family who knows very well 7 other people. Saying that, my partner has known her for years whereas we don't officially know my sister's partner.

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

That would make 11 though and been told for a straight table, it is 10 max. I don't like the idea of a rounded table.

I see what you mean about bridesmaid partner vs best man's wife, but in one case it is family related who knows no-one, on the other hand it is not family who knows very well 7 other people. Saying that, my partner has known her for years whereas we don't officially know my sister's partner.

You can see why why your OH is pushing for equal treatment, can't you?

FBaby

It's not yet a 'he' or 'she' in my OH's mind. He doesn't have anything against him being there, we are just stuck trying to find a solution, so it's me who has started to question it.

I don't think it is a matter of equal treatment as neither my fiance or I care for either of them to be there. It is about our party feeling comfortable. He thinks that it would be insulting towards his best man to say that his wife has to seat elsewhere. I see that if she sat with her friends, she should still be having a great time whereas I imagine my sister's partner, who has bothered to come all the way from abroad skint (the best man and wife are local), sitting with strangers feeling awkward and my sister feeling bad for him (and therefore me too).

If it is tradition and therefore expected that the best man's wife should be sitting by his side, I could understand both of them feeling offended by a different arrangement and therefore respect my partner's feeling awkward about it, but if it isn't, then maybe it is just a case of reassuring him that there are no reasons for them to feel offended.

duchy

I do think it would be the best thing to treat them both equally as they have equal "status" in the wedding party - but I think a lot depends on the personality of the best man's wife -if she doesn't have a problem with it ...but it would look a bit odd tbh

Hezzawithkids

It's not up to the guests to decide where they sit, it's up to the bride & groom. You shouldn't pile more pressure on them than they already have by !!!!!ing about the seating plan.

Idiophreak

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

It's not up to the guests to decide where they sit, it's up to the bride & groom. You shouldn't pile more pressure on them than they already have by !!!!!ing about the seating plan.

Lol, I was just about to say the opposite..
Have you actually asked the best man what he'd like to do?

Personally, I've been best man and not sat at the top table so I can sit with my wife, didn't have a problem with that at all. He may prefer to sit with you and have her elsewhere....or he may be insistent that they both sit at the top table...

In an ideal world, you'd do the same with the best man and the bridesmaid, so the top table's nice and symmetrical and everyone feels equally treated, but as long as everyone's happy they've had the same options, it shouldn't really matter.

(and I'm sure that having 11 on the top table really wouldn't be an issue)...