Best man's wife...

Daxx

Could you not just broach the subject with the best man about how his wife would feel sat with their friends on a normal table etc and see what the reaction is. You could be worrying about it when she might prefer to sit with friends. I know I would in that situation.

Mojisola

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

It's not up to the guests to decide where they sit, it's up to the bride & groom. You shouldn't pile more pressure on them than they already have by !!!!!ing about the seating plan.

It's the bride and groom who are debating the issue - not the guests themselves.

Mojisola wrote: »

You can see why why your OH is pushing for equal treatment, can't you?

FBaby wrote: »

I don't think it is a matter of equal treatment as neither my fiance or I care for either of them to be there. It is about our party feeling comfortable. He thinks that it would be insulting towards his best man to say that his wife has to seat elsewhere.

I see that if she sat with her friends, she should still be having a great time whereas I imagine my sister's partner, who has bothered to come all the way from abroad skint (the best man and wife are local), sitting with strangers feeling awkward and my sister feeling bad for him (and therefore me too).

Isn't that because you wouldn't be treating the bridesmaid and the best man differently, ie, not equally?

It's definitely worth explaining to the best man why you are considering having your sister's OH on the top table and ask him if he and his wife would mind if she sat with other friends. If the best man and his wife are okay with it, will your OH be happy?

duchy

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

It's not up to the guests to decide where they sit, it's up to the bride & groom. You shouldn't pile more pressure on them than they already have by !!!!!ing about the seating plan.

Have you actually READ the first post....it is written by the BRIDE :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

duchy

Mojisola wrote: »

It's the bride and groom who are debating the issue - not the guests themselves.





Isn't that because you wouldn't be treating the bridesmaid and the best man differently, ie, not equally?

It's definitely worth explaining to the best man why you are considering having your sister's OH on the top table and ask him if he and his wife would mind if she sat with other friends. If the best man and his wife are okay with it, will your OH be happy?

Maybe the groom feels that asking them IS pressuring them ?

(All this stuff drives me crazy and is why we're popping off to Vegas to do the deed LOL)

Faith177

I had the Best Man's GF on the top table they have been together years and I really like her.

I had 10 including OH and me on our top table

Mojisola

duchy wrote: »

Maybe the groom feels that asking them IS pressuring them ?

Maybe. Without knowing how good their relationship is, all we can do is offer suggestions.

If my OH were the best man in this situation, I'd have no problem about sitting with friends while the non-English speaker sat with his GF at the top table.

FBaby

I do think it would be the best thing to treat them both equally as they have equal "status" in the wedding party

The thing is I don't think they have equal status, at least not on the parameters that I would consider in terms of 'equality'.

Have you actually asked the best man what he'd like to do?

No, I think my partner believes that just asking would be offending.

or he may be insistent that they both sit at the top table...

I think that would wind me up if he was insistent as surely it is not for him to decide, but to be honest, he is a strong character who likes to take control of things and could see doing so (hence my partner's concern about how to approach the issue). I do like him a lot, he is a great man and the idea best man, but I don't think it is right that it should end up being about what HE or SHE wants.

so the top table's nice and symmetrical

Ha that's the problem, with our dysfunction families, it just can't be symmetrical!

Good point about potentially stretching to 11 after all, maybe that is the only option. I don't like it, but if it is going to upset my OH to tell them that she can't be there, then I'll have to go with that.

Idiophreak

The more I read threads like these, the more I'm happy we didn't have tables at our wedding

FBaby

Isn't that because you wouldn't be treating the bridesmaid and the best man differently, ie, not equally?

No, I don't think it is the issue. The question of whether he should be there or not didn't come up once in our discussion. We haven't spoken that much about it but to agree that it was going to be a headache and left as late as possible It is only when I started to get my head around it that it came to my mind that maybe there was no reason why she should be there. When I mentioned it, OH only said that he thought it would be rude to expect her not to be. Nothing more has been said.

Maybe the groom feels that asking them IS pressuring them ?

. Yes, I think that is indeed the issue. They are very close friends, but I am starting to realise that there might be a bit of a father/son theme going on (he is almost 20 years older). I think it would upset my partner if he felt he had offended his friend. I can totally understand that.

Thank you very much for your suggestions, I really appreciate it. I am just trying to gain some perspective so that it is not just about how I feel when we discuss it, but trying to also get a perspective about what is customary or considered acceptable. I don't want to upset anyone, least of all my lovely OH.

FBaby

The more I read threads like these, the more I'm happy we didn't have tables at our wedding

Ha ha, and here i was all feeling all smug having not accounted one little hitch until then, but yes indeed, not simple when you get so many different people from different ages and backgrounds all together!