Ruined before it has even began!

easilydistracted

This sounds a lot like my partner's mother. Thankfully she lives far away at the moment. We tried everything to deal with her and in the end the only thing was to confront, saying we were not happy to have her come and stay because of her behaviour.

Essentially she was treating our place as a free hotel, whilst complaining about me to the whole of the wider family, treating my partner like her personal slave and eating us out of house and home when we couldn't afford it. This caused a lot of problems between me and my partner and at times I thought we would end up splitting up (lots of arguments). The conclusion was I said my piece once to him, then left him to deal with her. He asked for my help and we laid the law down and the minute she stopped staying we were fine again.

Unfortunately the end result is that despite our best efforts he and she are essentially estranged, which was not the plan. He thinks she will appear again wanting to stay if and when we have children. We're currently great and buying our first house together soon. We are debating not telling her the address. In my view if your partner accepts it's wrong and wants to reduce the contact then you have a good chance. Have the party. Don't invite her. Or invite her but not the cousin and don't worry if she doesn't turn up. She shouldn't be able to control your whole lives. If this doesn't appeal then take a nice long weekend abroad, just the two of you. Much more fun for a 30th!

meritaten

oh god - another Narcissist MIL! hun - you either gain control (go ahead with the party anyway!) OR you allow this woman to wreck your lives.
you say NO KIDS no exceptions - you do realise she insisted on this childs inclusion just to exert control?

don't let her win - do the party (as a surprise to your oh IF necessary) and you invite who you want. but not her! she has already put herself on the persona non grata list! make it your OHs friends and those in the family he gets on with! leave out the troublemakers! even if you have to make it an 'informal bbq type party' he gets his party!

Childfree

We are going to have a two person party and I have told him to switch off his phone during the gig!

meritaten

Childfree wrote: »

We are going to have a two person party and I have told him to switch off his phone during the gig!

ooooh - the best type of party! Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

top_drawer_2

Wow I wonder whether you are my my BIL (playing at hiding his identity), right down to the details of the MIL and (step) FIL not having worked for 20 odd years, for reasons which don't exist in anyone else's mind but their's.

Look up the criteria for narcissism and show it to your partner. In my case, it was the details of describing aspects of my childhood that made me see sense and helped me through cutting her control over me. I felt it was easier once I could see that her behavior is not unplanned, as such and that she was in no way considering me or my interests (as she is keen to tell me she is).

bylromarha

Just have the party.

At the age of 30, you really need to cut the apron strings.

geoffky

Wait until ATOS have finished with her....She is in for a huge wake up because dying people are being found fit for work..

Childfree

I have read that people on the brink of death being found fit for work. Did you watch the Channel 4 show 'Benefits Britain 1949' the woman in the red jacket was just like his mother with the ailments except diabetes!

I think she will be in for a big surprise when they assess she is fine for work. She gave up work because she looked after her elderly parents and she believes that she saved the country thousands by doing so! They didnt live with her, she just went to their house and sat with them for a couple of hours

Caroline_a

She is being controlling.... but your OH is also enabling that. If he can't cut the apron strings and stand up to her then you're in for a rocky road in the future! He needs to man up, tell her to keep out of his personal life and maybe consider moving a long way away from her!

I had a MiL like this.... she was part of the reason I divorced her son!

Childfree

I will let you know how the duel party goes! We are looking forward to it already!