Ruined before it has even began!

Childfree

My partner is 30 on Friday and tried to arrange a birthday party for him.

His mum back in March said that she wanted to throw a party at her place because she was fed up of the family only getting together when there was a funeral. She said this back in April. Her brother passed away in March this year.

May, June and July elapsed and I asked my partner's dad what was going on with this party that was mentioned a few months back. The dad replied with "I doubt it will go ahead because there is no money and we are redecorating the house"

So I said, I would not mind throwing the party at our place. partner stated who he wanted at the party... mainly adults. Then his mother said "You should invite ****" [partner's female cousin's 4 year old kid]. If she cannot get a sitter, then she and the child has to come."

"No mum, no kids, I have told other guests that no kids are allowed, it will not be kid friendly and it would be unfair it one kid comes and I have told others that no other kid can come" He said.

"Fine, me and your dad are not coming to your party then!" :mad: She replied!!! Speaking on behalf of the dad!!

Bearing in mind, I have spent quite alot of money on food and alcohol already, she knew this, she even offered to go out of her way make and buy food for this do.

"I won't feel like having a party if you two don't come, so I won't have one." Partner said.

"Oh, don't guilt trip me, don't make it look like it is my fault" She said. Yes.... that is what she actually said! :eek:

So, the party has been called off. I am in the process of getting my money back. Bearing in mind, this is her only child's 30th birthday!

She is making a huge fuss over a child that she openly admitted to not liking, calling him spoilt and a handful (the cousin's 4 year old kid). When partner's cousin asks to go to the mum's house, she says with dread "Yes, of course, you are welcome" and then later slags off the kid and calling him names behind the niece's back!

Yesterday, his mum then said, "Why don't we all go out on my birthday instead, seen as you are not doing anything for yours?!" :eek::eek::eek::eek: HER BIRTHDAY IS A DAY BEFORE!

She later admitted to not being in the mood for the party because she has had a form from ATOS . She and partner's dad have not worked for 20 odd years and have been on benefits, she claims to have high blood pressure, heavy periods and a bad back (I have never once known her to go to a chiropractor or a physiotherapist). I am sorry, but she should not take out her worries on her son. I will never forget this and what she has done.

The dad looks like he has lost the will to will to live, he sleeps all day and is not the best conversationalist with the mum. She always threatens to kick him out but then says she won't because she needs his benefits to live on. The dad has an estranged daughter and when she came back on the scene partner's mum alienated her too.

His mother is very intrusive and controlling, has been throughout the whole relationship. I am thinking of calling it a day, we have been together for 5 years, every other aspect of the relationship is fine, it just feels like there is three of us. She calls him several times a day for trivial things and shows up around the house unannounced. When she does call, we have to turn down the telly or put it on pause. She offers to buy his food all the time, he declines, but she still picks things up just to have an excuse to come into the house.

She has a contract phone and has taken out a phone for him under her contract, also she has done the same with her mail order catalogue, has him as an associated user.

I do not think his mother likes females that come into the family, that will be become in-laws. She always has something negative to say about them, I know she is not fond of me because I have said I do not want children. It is like she wants to be the main woman in the family. Partner believes it is because of her Northern roots??!! I forgot to say, partner is the only child.

His mother has come into our house to look after it and took it upon herself to repaint the walls... well, half do the job! I had to finish it that night. How did she know we didn't want to wallpaper it or put moose heads on the wall??!!

When we first got together, she didn't like the fact we were spending so much time together (all weekend every weekend) he was still living with his mum when we got together. It was so tense that I offered to put us up in a hotel every weekend!

I am very annoyed about what she did regarding the party. She cannot see that she has done wrong, hence why the next day after saying she and his dad are not coming to their son's celebration, she thought we should all go out to celebrate hers!!!

Does she sound narcissistic to you? Does it sound like the umbilical cord has yet to be cut?

Thanks for reading.

Oli.s

Just have the party, make it a surprise party. Tell them to either come or don't come.

mummyroysof3

What does your oh think of his mothers behaviour?

zaksmum

This sounds ridiculous. You are allowing this woman way too much control over your relationship and indeed your life.

Tell her to butt out. She should only come to your house by invitation and certainly shouldn't be repainting the place without your agreement.

Tell your partner to stand up to his mother and support you or he's dumped.

[Deleted User]

It does sound like a narcissistic personality.
I would go ahead with the party and tell everyone it is still on.
The day belongs to your husband its his Birthday, maybe ask him how he feels about all this.

kitrat

I'm not sure she's a narcissist, just very selfish. I couldn't cope with it.

Oli.s

Or go away for a few days together make sure it includes your oh's birthday and the days before so your away for the mother in laws too.

gunsandbanjos

Sorry I got bored reading half way down and gave up, I couldn't deal with someone that annoying and self centred.

southcoastrgi

yep tell everyone (apart from the old bag & the cousin with the brat) the party is still on but tell them it's a surprise party,

I'm afraid i would have already taken the front door key away from her & told her to go forth & multiply

arbroath_lass

All this fuss over an adult's birthday party!

Go ahead with the party. They either go or they don't - it will be their decision.

catkins

What is it with some MIL's? There is another thread on here about a horrible MIL who is being nasty to her DIL's first child (not by the MIL's son).

I have a nasty vindictive, interfering old bag for a MIL. So many stories I could tell but I won't here.

I would say either go ahead with the party and tell her she comes or not but the party is going ahead. Or, as another poster has said, take your OH away somewhere nice.

Don't let her dictate to you. I let me MIL change the date of my wedding because she refused to take a day off work as a dinner lady for her only son's wedding! If I could go back in time that is the one thing I would change as it still makes me angry over 30 years later