Housemate threatened me to leave

fruitedeli

Jennifer_Jane wrote: »

To those suggesting putting the glasses in his room, the OP probably won't be able to get in his room, and shouldn't be going in anyway - there may be threats of things stolen, if she does. Rooms are pretty much locked at most times in these house shares. I would think that there must be some kind of history to this - how does the chap know for sure it's the OP's glasses and not the other housemate's.

People often have to e-mail each other or leave notes because they just don't see each other, it seems.

By the way, re leaving the towel on the floor, why would the OP do that? Who leaves a wet towel on the floor, especially in a shared house. Your towel needs to be open to dry out.

Sounds like the chap doesn't want to live in a mess, and why should he?

My partner lives in one of these types of shared houses. I have to say that it's disgusting, and they've had mice. He tends to leave these kinds of notes for one of the inhabitants, but he's a reasonable person, just frustrated.

The wet towel is because of a leaking washing machine. I forgot to hang the towel after washing my clothes. It was an honest mistake and I don't agree placing a dirty wet towel in my food cupboard is appropriate response. This was done in the night and I noticed the following morning. It's different to the glass cups left in the sink for many days.

There's no doubt about whose glass cups they are. Everyone knows I use my own food bowl and cup which are unique, and I don't use the household plates or cups. My housemate is angry because he dumped his stuff in the sink expecting me to clean up after him, and I didn't.

[Deleted User]

My very first flat share was a bit like this. There was a couple and me. I was only 18 and a bit nieve. She was quite arrogant. Started off by trying to get me to pay the bills 50/50 when I was one of three. I did reason that one out with them. But then she had a go at me for leaving a few things unwashed in the kitchen, and proceeded that very night to leave a whole meal's worth of washing up all over the kitchen and leaving the flat for a couple of days to go away. Kitchen was in a right state. It wasn't the first time. Yes I did wash it up as I couldn't have used the kitchen otherwise. But I also moved out within two weeks. Wasn't her servant and it all left a bit of an atmosphere for me.

top_drawer_2

fruitedeli wrote: »

I haven't seen him for about a week. He never told me he's going on holiday or whatever. There was over a dozen of glass cups in the sink, which I noticed but didn't clean. Today he left me a note saying if you can't be arsed to do a simple task emptying the sink, why would anyone do anything for you?! I suggest you sort it out or find somewhere else to live cause I'm not putting up with it.

He left me this note in the kitchen, but the glass cups were still there. Another housemate who was away returned today and cleaned it up, and told me those cups came from that guy's room.

I've been studying for my exams lately and don't have enough time to sleep. I still clean up after myself, but why should I have to clean up after him?!

This guy once gave me a lift when I moved in, and once I left a wet towel on the floor by mistake, instead of helping me out he places it in my food cupboard.

Does this person have any say over who lives in the house? I would telephone the landlord and explain the situation, in the most mature terms possible, difficult I know when its such a petty thing.

I've lived in many housesharers and this situation is so common it's untrue! I'm another one who would definitely have gone with leaving them in the sink as my experience is that in no time at all you will become the live-in cleaner/slave and god help you if you should complain, you will never be "in the right" regardless of what you did.

In short, you are entitled to live in a environment unthreatened by to$$ers such as this one and keeping the landlord, although unlikely to care / do anything as a result, keeping him in the loop ensures that should it escalate in the future, he will already have some knowledge of this persons behavior IYSWIM.

If there is anything I know about houseshares is that all bets are off; normal behavior does not occur. I've had my own flat and never in a month of sundays would I have tolerated dumped cups / washing left in the washer for days / an overflowing bin but in a shared house if you always do it, then you will always be expected to do it. And I have lived with Doctors / an BAE Systems Engineer / a chemist / uni lecturer as well as less professional type people and it never changes!

If you want to live in a home then really you should look for somewhere more suited to that, remember that can have its downsides too!

BitterAndTwisted

Eh, the most juvenile and pointless thing to do would be to try and involve the landlord, or even inform them of what's been going on. Landlords have no right to interfere in the way their tenants choose to behave towards one another, and rarely have any interest in their trivial bickering. They have separate tenancy agreements, so need to find a way of living together in some kind of harmony, even when that means dealing with unreasonable and petty idiots.

In the same situation I just wouldn't respond to this utter wally at all. He's been in the property for much longer so obviously feels he's got more say but he doesn't.

Jennifer_Jane

fruitedeli wrote: »

The wet towel is because of a leaking washing machine. I forgot to hang the towel after washing my clothes. It was an honest mistake and I don't agree placing a dirty wet towel in my food cupboard is appropriate response. This was done in the night and I noticed the following morning. It's different to the glass cups left in the sink for many days.

There's no doubt about whose glass cups they are. Everyone knows I use my own food bowl and cup which are unique, and I don't use the household plates or cups. My housemate is angry because he dumped his stuff in the sink expecting me to clean up after him, and I didn't.

Yes, I absolutely agree with you that putting the towel in the food cupboard was inappropriate, disgusting and unhygienic, and I would have said to the man exactly what had happened and this. If you have your own set of glasses, cups etc, then I don't know how the man can expect it to be you who left the others' glass cups in the sink.

If you're only problem (in his eyes) has been the wet towel and you have explained that that was a one-off because of the leaky washing machine (did he contact the landlord about the machine?). Did you have to tell him about the leaky machine, what happened about that?

Otherwise, I don't see how he can kick you out, particularly, but I do think that you have as much right to expect cleanliness from him, as much as he does from you. How clean is he, exactly? I would be straight with him. You have as much right to there without being bullied as he does. I would stand up for myself as much as possible.

So saying, I was once kicked out of a flat-share on my birthday. I'll never forget it, but that was not the London type independent house share, we were supposed to be friends, cooking for each other and so on. Ugh! They were horrible.

DKLS

He sounds like a passive aggressive twonk.

Put some strong laxatives in his food, if he eats Muesli thats perfect and use his toothbrush to clean your ring.

top_drawer_2

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Eh, the most juvenile and pointless thing to do would be to try and involve the landlord, or even inform them of what's been going on. Landlords have no right to interfere in the way their tenants choose to behave towards one another, and rarely have any interest in their trivial bickering. /QUOTE]

They own the house. What more right could they have to interfere if there is arguing / bickering taking place?

However, you are right in that the majority of landlords have no interest in their tenants behavior despite them receiving ample rent for the room which they flog out to who ever can stump up the money quickest. In a well run houseshare you will find the landlord does take an interest / set rules where needed so everyone can get along as some people just cannot cope when they are given free reign to do as they please.

This is her home we are talking about, she has been made to feel so bad that she has resorted to putting it out on a public forum (particularly one that is not known for its sympathetic leanings) and if it escalates which I think it will in time, then where else should she go to resolve it?

lol DKLS - If only, it were possible!! Although that would definitely be assault if you were caught...

Anyway, OP how are things?

TD

krlyr

top_drawer wrote: »

Eh, the most juvenile and pointless thing to do would be to try and involve the landlord, or even inform them of what's been going on. Landlords have no right to interfere in the way their tenants choose to behave towards one another, and rarely have any interest in their trivial bickering. /QUOTE]

They own the house. What more right could they have to interfere if there is arguing / bickering taking place?

However, you are right in that the majority of landlords have no interest in their tenants behavior despite them receiving ample rent for the room which they flog out to who ever can stump up the money quickest. In a well run houseshare you will find the landlord does take an interest / set rules where needed so everyone can get along as some people just cannot cope when they are given free reign to do as they please.

It's their house, not their home. The landlord has a responsibility to not interfere with the tenants. You only have to look at the Housing subforum to see countless threads of tenants asking advice because their landlord has told them to be tidier, to do their gardening more often, to let them drop buy and pick up their post, etc. - but the tenants have the rights to live in the property undisturbed. You can't expect that right, but then say the landlord is obliged to step in and sort out arguments amongst housemates.
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/renting_and_leasehold/rights_and_responsibilities/landlords_responsibilities#landlord_has_a_responsibility_not_to_disturb_tenants

I have every sympathy for the OP, but like I said, in life there is only one person's actions you can truly have control over, and that's your own. You can try discussing it, coming to an agreement or compromise, but ultimately the other person may just keep acting the same way. Looking out for another property may not be a bad idea, just incase.

top_drawer_2

krlyr wrote: »

It's their house, not their home. The landlord has a responsibility to not interfere with the tenants. You only have to look at the Housing subforum to see countless threads of tenants asking advice because their landlord has told them to be tidier, to do their gardening more often, to let them drop buy and pick up their post, etc. - but the tenants have the rights to live in the property undisturbed. You can't expect that right, but then say the landlord is obliged to step in and sort out arguments amongst housemates.
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/renting_and_leasehold/rights_and_responsibilities/landlords_responsibilities#landlord_has_a_responsibility_not_to_disturb_tenants

Your right it is their house and so it is their responsibility to sort any issues regarding with it.

Things work a bit differently in a shared house - the law has not caught up with these situations and even when / if it ever does these are civil matters to petty to be concerned with the law. All of those threads have related to a one tenant - one house scenario.

The reality is that this person feels they have a RIGHT to certain things from other people (despite not fulfilling his obligations or behaving reasonably) and is willing bully / be a passive aggressive twonk or whatever else you want to call it and inflict his behavior on others which means someone else feels worried to be home / feels the need to post on a forum doubting themselves. The only person who can set rules / boundaries / have words regarding someones behavior is the landlord.

Its amazing how people such as the OP's issue get away with their behavior for such a long time - I'm sure part of it is that everyone assumes as X has lived / worked there forever then everyone else MUST be the problem.

krlyr

top_drawer wrote: »

Your right it is their house and so it is their responsibility to sort any issues regarding with it.

Things work a bit differently in a shared house - the law has not caught up with these situations and even when / if it ever does these are civil matters to petty to be concerned with the law. All of those threads have related to a one tenant - one house scenario.

The reality is that this person feels they have a RIGHT to certain things from other people (despite not fulfilling his obligations or behaving reasonably) and is willing bully / be a passive aggressive twonk or whatever else you want to call it and inflict his behavior on others which means someone else feels worried to be home / feels the need to post on a forum doubting themselves. The only person who can set rules / boundaries / have words regarding someones behavior is the landlord.

Its amazing how people such as the OP's issue get away with their behavior for such a long time - I'm sure part of it is that everyone assumes as X has lived / worked there forever then everyone else MUST be the problem.

The landlord cannot tell a tenant to stop being a bully. They could evict them, if they feel they're too much hassle or that they may lose their other paying tenants, but that would be totally up to the landlord's discretion.

You've said yourself that the law does not cater to these situations - so the landlord is not obliged to do anything. You may believe a landlord has a moral obligation, but that does not make it a legal obligation.

I've lived in several shared houses and never would I expect the landlord to deal with minor issues like this. IME you either suck it up and ignore it, deal with it by talking like adults, or find yourself somewhere else to live.