Housemate threatened me to leave

Azmataz

fruitedeli wrote: »

Part of me also thought he cleaned it and just made the mess again, because he does drink a lot of alcohol.

I used to flat share with a man who swore blind that the dirty plates and glasses he left dotted around the living room were not his. However, that always coincided with one of his drinking sessions and he obviously had no recollection that they were his. In his mind, at least, the rest of us were the slovens!

duchy

fruitedeli wrote: »

I don't think it's petty moving the cups aside. A responsible adult should clean up after himself. Why wouldn't I record the conversation? He's already written me a ridiculous note putting the blame on me. If he gets aggressive I'll have evidence. I'm not taking any chances.

Evidence of what ?
What would you do with it? It isn't legal to record someone without their prior permission (especially in their own home) so it would be worthless in a prosecution.

Perhaps you should stop playing passive/aggessive games and talk to the guy adult to adult. He was wrong to leave the glasses but you leaving them to fester for a week in a shared living area wasn't right either.

My sympathies are with the third sharer TBH having to put up with the pair of you.

krlyr

Seemed very apt!

How about buying your own plates, glasses etc that are clearly distinguishable (if you buy plain ones, a bit of a Sharpie to decorate/write on them can be sealed by putting in the oven for a bit - voila, personalised tableware) so it's obvious who's stuff is not being washed?

I feel for you. I lived with my brother and his girlfriend, who had no concept of loading the dishwasher when they were done with stuff. Yes, we had a dishwasher, and it still all got left on the side! My OH and I made a point of clearing up our stuff and leaving theirs (petty? Maybe, but like you say, they're adults fully capable of doing it themselves, and we were housemates not servants), even tried hints like leaving the dishwasher door wide open when their stuff was on the side, making loads of noise unloading it so they'd know it was empty, etc. but it reached boiling point and something had to be said. We came to the agreement that we would load our stuff, and them theirs - which is exactly what we wanted, but somehow seemed a compromise - I think my brother genuinely believed that some of the stuff on the side was ours (they might possibly have put a glass or two of ours in if we'd left it there while the dishwasher was running, but it was rare as we'd usually just handwash it and put it away).

If it were me, I would possibly have a quiet word this time - say that you were under the impression it was fresh stuff, you knew it wasn't yours and your other housemate says it wasn't his, so you left it for him to do.

krlyr

It won't let me edit my post and seems to have skipped off the last part of it. I would start looking for another place to live even with the polite chat - IME this kind of attitude doesn't change after a chat, and given his behaviour in the past I'd say this isn't the last time you'll have an issue. Yes, seems unfair that you'll be the one to move, but in life there's only really one person's actions you can control - your own.

tibawo

I like to think of myself as a tidy person and human in that I leave the odd cup around even now but this thread reminds me of an old flat mate.

I was working away at the time and on one of my days off had come back for a friends birthday. I walked in the kitchen and had the shock of my life... There was not one clean plate, if there was a spare cup you could not brew up as there was no place to put it. The oven was full of pans caked in who knows what. She appeared and apologised and told me she'd clean it up. Too damn right I said as it's not mine. I could handle the washing up bowl but this was awful.

I'm with op that as long as cups were not his then the other person should clean them. To dump them and expect them to be cleaned is bad but if the flat mate had said something as a one off like I'm in a rush could you just them next time you're washing up then I might have.

duchy

I think what baffles me is why the OP would want to use a kitchen with a festering bowl of washing up in it for a whole week just to make a point........ I do agree that if it has got to this point the OP should be considering moving on -as someone else said these situations never get better -it's usually an uneasy peace at best and who wants to live in that kind of enviroment ?

Jennifer_Jane

To those suggesting putting the glasses in his room, the OP probably won't be able to get in his room, and shouldn't be going in anyway - there may be threats of things stolen, if she does. Rooms are pretty much locked at most times in these house shares. I would think that there must be some kind of history to this - how does the chap know for sure it's the OP's glasses and not the other housemate's.

People often have to e-mail each other or leave notes because they just don't see each other, it seems.

By the way, re leaving the towel on the floor, why would the OP do that? Who leaves a wet towel on the floor, especially in a shared house. Your towel needs to be open to dry out.

Sounds like the chap doesn't want to live in a mess, and why should he?

My partner lives in one of these types of shared houses. I have to say that it's disgusting, and they've had mice. He tends to leave these kinds of notes for one of the inhabitants, but he's a reasonable person, just frustrated.

tibawo

To a certain extent if you do it once and the flat mate is a pain and takes advantage then they would expect it all the time so I feel OP needs to deal with it and not become the dish washer.

krlyr

duchy wrote: »

I think what baffles me is why the OP would want to use a kitchen with a festering bowl of washing up in it for a whole week just to make a point........

To be fair, empty glasses don't exactly 'fester'. A few drops of drink at the bottom of a glass aren't going to stink the place out. I've left worse to 'make a point' - as tibawo says, do it once and it becomes expected of you.

Jennifer_Jane wrote: »

Sounds like the chap doesn't want to live in a mess, and why should he?

But OP doesn't want to have to clean up his (or the other flatmate's - they may not know for sure it's this guy's but they know it's not their own!) mess, and why should they?

kitrat

fruitedeli wrote: »

I don't think it's petty moving the cups aside. A responsible adult should clean up after himself. Why wouldn't I record the conversation? He's already written me a ridiculous note putting the blame on me. If he gets aggressive I'll have evidence. I'm not taking any chances.

Exactly, you're neither his maid nor his mother!