insecure man

ostrichnomore_2 · 6 August 2013 at 10:12AM

Hello

Thanks for all the further comments, nice to have a sounding board here

I think I made it sound worse than it really is from some responses though, but I do understand it's wise to be a bit wary with a new relationship. As I keep saying, this is the only issue in an otherwise great thing, and there's absolutely no attempts at controlling/jealousy/isolating/etc stuff that would get me running, I promise.

Talked to him last night, he agrees it's something in him rather than anything to do with me/our relationship that makes him feel that way sometimes, so he's going to work on it and stop letting it damage us. He can see that being scared this isn't going to work is probably going to stop it working, self-fulfilling prophesy thing, as I won't put up with much more of this, and he doesn't want that to happen.

Kerria · 6 August 2013 at 8:27PM

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

I agree with errata. Op you have two choices really. You can get sucked into the self pitying relationship he is after, with all the excuses in the world others will afford him.

At best you'll be in a very miserable relationship at worst it could become very controlling.

Or you could tell him to sort it out or leave you alone. I do agree though, he's almost forcing this onto you, so he can say told you so. Quite manipulative if you ask me, I don't buy into the majority of men and women who are like this, as helpless victims. I see them as quite controlling.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the “told you so” comment. This reminds me of a manipulative martyr I went out with a few years ago. He always had to be the injured party in every situation. If I disagreed with him on even the most trivial of issues, he would retort with something self-pitying like “Oh, so I’m in the wrong again? I’m so useless and thick!”

He told me all his ex-girlfriends had dumped him because they were evil harpies (he was totally blameless of course) and would say things like “This relationship will only end if you dump me, because I would never finish with a girlfriend no matter how badly she treated me.” Thus he cast himself as the victim and me as the villain. It was like he was pushing me away so that I would dump him and he would be proved right, as it were. This may sound an odd way of phrasing it, but at times it felt like he was almost punishing me for going out with him.

To the OP – sorry I can’t give any more constructive advice. I wish you all the best in whatever course of action you take.

ostrichnomore_2 · 13 January 2014 at 6:10PM

Just a quick update - basically it was left to his choice as to whether he felt ready for another relationship or not. Make your mind up. But if yes, I wasn't going to tolerate any more of this whining.

So here we are several months later, now living together in a whining free zone:T

And he's reduced the amount he drinks as he agreed this was a trigger for it.
And he continues to stick up for himself with his mum a bit more.