insecure man

jayII

I'd tell him I cared and was committed, reassure for a few minutes, then change the subject and refuse to talk about it for a while. But I'm pretty hard with whiners.

To me it sounds like attention seeking and habitual behaviour, possibly learnt in early childhood or from his parents being negative people. As you say, we all have issues and in my view we can either give into the self-pity or get on with life.

I bet his last relationship broke up because of him doing this.

paulineb_2

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

I'd run like the wind.........sorry.

5 months? Is the honeymoon phase where you see the best of someone, usually.

5 months in he is not jealous and controlling YET. If he is like this when you should be bouncing off the walls with infatuation, that will come, sure as night follows day.

It is also a VERY bad sign, he loses his cool and ruins it all with questioning after a drink, that is not a good sign with regards to your safety later on down the line.

I'd be gone sorry. You can't fix him and I would seriously wonder if he has always had control issues which led towards his relationship breakdowns.

Where does it say he lost his cool?

paulineb_2

A lot of assumptions being made about the man from one paragraph.

ostrichnomore_2

He doesn't lose his cool, he just gets a bit pathetic and self-pitying.I might be in danger of throwing up one day but that's about it. (oh I shouldn't joke about it, poor chap!). Nor is he controlling/nasty/jealous.

He's very sweet. It's a self-esteem issue, full stop.

jayII

paulineb wrote: »

A lot of assumptions being made about the man from one paragraph.

There are, which probably isn't right. However, I suspect that many of us have experienced someone like this and they're incredibly draining, so it's left a long shadow.

In my experience, the most cheerful adults are often those who have been through the worst experiences and have chosen to move on and make the most of their lives regardless, so they have limited patience with people who wallow in self pity for years on end.

Kayalana99

paulineb wrote: »

A lot of assumptions being made about the man from one paragraph.

This is true, but that said it sounds like he wasn't ready for a relationship.

Some people take longer to get over the past, some never do.

If he is already getting under your skin I wouldn't stick around.. but that said not many people annoy me so when someone does I tend not to keep them around.

sassyblue

I'd be wary ostrich that this isn't the start of controlling behaviour, at the moment he's demanding sympathy. What if you want out but you start feeling too sorry for him?

Tbh he sounds a bit wet, you've been through a lot what's his problem? Everyone gets hurt. (Good luck though, nice to see you're dating)

paulineb_2

ostrichnomore wrote: »

He doesn't lose his cool, he just gets a bit pathetic and self-pitying.I might be in danger of throwing up one day but that's about it. (oh I shouldn't joke about it, poor chap!). Nor is he controlling/nasty/jealous.

He's very sweet. It's a self-esteem issue, full stop.

Well if hes very sweet and there are more positives than negatives Id give it a bit longer.

After all Im sure even the best relationships go through their down times and its you who knows him better than anyone else

BugglyB

I dont think I would dump him just yet. But I would try and have a chat with him when he is not in one of these moods and say that you wont engage with him when he behaves like that. Then just refer him back to that when he 'starts', or remove yourself from the situation.

Its not the same but OH was a terrible sulker when we first got together and that was the only thing that stopped him being like that.

paulineb_2

sassyblue wrote: »

I'd be wary ostrich that this isn't the start of controlling behaviour, at the moment he's demanding sympathy. What if you want out but you start feeling too sorry for him?

Tbh he sounds a bit wet, you've been through a lot what's his problem? Everyone gets hurt. (Good luck though, nice to see you're dating)

Hes expressing how he feels and the OP has said shes witnessed him being put down by a close family member

How on earth is having low self esteem a sign of controlling behaviour

Id like to say that my low self esteem came from having awful relationships with people who were controlling

And yes, people do need to get their head out of their backside and move on, but so far on this thread,hes been accused of losing his cool, which he hadnt, being controlling?

I fail to see someone who cant see good in themselves is controlling.