Sulking - Why?

busiscoming2

Me and DH have been together for about 20 years. He used to sulk for a couple of days at a time and would never tell me what was wrong. We got past that and really he hadn't done it for many years until recently. He had a sulk for a day last week and is having a bit of a mini sulk at the moment. I say mini as usually I get sent to Coventry but he is at least grunting answers to things like 'do you want coffee?'

My question is to all you sulkers out there: Why do it and what do you actually get out of it?

BTW my way of dealing with it now is to laugh at him and tell him how pathetic he is being and in my mind I just accept it as a sort of mental illness that occurs now and again. (Not meaning to offend those with mental health problems but its my way of justifying him being silly).

victory

busiscoming2 wrote: »

Me and DH have been together for about 20 years. He used to sulk for a couple of days at a time and would never tell me what was wrong. We got past that and really he hadn't done it for many years until recently. He had a sulk for a day last week and is having a bit of a mini sulk at the moment. I say mini as usually I get sent to Coventry but he is at least grunting answers to things like 'do you want coffee?'

My question is to all you sulkers out there: Why do it and what do you actually get out of it?

BTW my way of dealing with it now is to laugh at him and tell him how pathetic he is being and in my mind I just accept it as a sort of mental illness that occurs now and again. (Not meaning to offend those with mental health problems but its my way of justifying him being silly).

I have zero tolerance on sulkers as have had the misfortune to know one and it is emotionally draining, time wasting, ridiculous way of seeking attention, sulking is I'm not getting my way, I will sulk, not tell you what it is and see if you can guess.

Sulkers feel hard done by, that you should just know, they want attention in the negative way, they want to be heard but not say a word.

Sulkers think it is their way of control, they can use sulking and silence to get their point across, yet they sulk.

What they get out of it? They make themselves feel isolated, angry, out of touch with their emotions, they go into themselves and mentally tear up the world and all it's negativities- achieving nothing

mountainofdebt

I sometimes go into sulk mode but in reality its a self control thing where someone has naffed me off so much that if I was to talk to them I would probably end up ripping their heads off.

nearlyrich

If there is a difference of opinion I would rather discuss shout if necessary and get to a new understanding my OH will go quiet and expect me to know what I have done or said to upset him. I suppose to a sulker a shouter is just as annoying?

busiscoming2

I prefer to discuss any 'problem' and then either reach a mutual agreement or agree to disagree. Life's too short to sulk in my books!

marisco_2

I have no time for or patience with people who sulk. I think it is a ridiculous way to carry on and most people manage to outgrow it when they leave their toddler days behind them. It achieves nothing but to cause a horrible atmosphere in the home. If someone is upset or annoyed by something then they should have the maturity to raise the issue, talk it through calmly and reach a resolution. Sulking just delays this from happening and is pointless.

sillygoose

With men its usually a response to a real or perceived lack of attention - in effect retaliating by withdrawing attentiveness back, yes we are that petty!

I sometimes behave like that when the kids are out for a few hours on an evening at a club and we have the rare perfect opportunity to have some noisy sex without being interrupted and my wife only sees it as an opportunity to go to Matalan and look for some shoes!!

Treat him like any dog with a flea in his fur..
Flip him over, a couple of squirts of baby oil and 10 minutes and job done, he will be humming sweetly like a Miele washing machine for the next 24 hours. Throw in a curry for really bad cases.

BitterAndTwisted

Sulkers are infantile, self-absorbed non-communicators seeking to punish in the most passive/aggressive way. They think because they feel something very strongly the people around them should be mind-readers because it's "so obvious". Unfortunately, most of us are not mind-readers and/or don't want to be.

I'd be minded to ignore, ignore ignore and carry on as usual. Like the way you'd treat a toddler. Which is the emotional age they're probably stuck in

2gorgeousgirls

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I sometimes go into sulk mode but in reality its a self control thing where someone has naffed me off so much that if I was to talk to them I would probably end up ripping their heads off.

This is me. In some situations it really is better to hold back and that can be interpreted as sulking by some.

I wouldn't class myself as a sulker but just someone who prefers to remain quiet until the heat of the moment has passed. When everyone is calm I am more than happy to discuss any issues.

I am also a shouter on occasions!

geoffky

Sulking is for children.
And i do not tolerate it from grown ups..

C_Mababejive

I think we must make a distinction between sulking and withdrawl which may have similar outward appearance. Withdrawl may be due to stress,anxiety or depression.