Sulking - Why?

Prothet_of_Doom

Molly41 wrote: »

I ask my husband if he is feeling pre-menstrual - that generally upsets him some more !

Yeah. My mother used to have a habit of asking me why I was so damm grumpy, when I was a grumpy teenager. It didn't endear me to her at all.

Perhaps if she'd said "Here have a peice of cake" I'd have been a bit cheerier :T

busiscoming2

valk_scot wrote: »

Well it's a bit late now to do anything about it, after putting up with it for twenty years. Personally speaking though I'd have given him what...two warnings the first two times he'd pulled that one on me and then dropped him like a hot brick on the third repeat. By putting up with it you're letting him away with it tbh.

You could always buy a good set of earplugs and wear them 24/7, of course. Then it wouldn't matter if he sulked or not, you'd not notice.

He hasn't done it all the time, as I said in my first post he used to do it far more frequently and has just recently done it again.

no1catman wrote: »

Sulking could be seen as no-aggressive way of demonstrating disapproval of something that has been done or said.
Why would someone, who is 'sulking' stop as a result of your aggressive verbal taunting of him!
No wonder it's been going on for years.
Perhaps, he feels there's no point in saying what's wrong - because either he'll say something he might regret later in the 'heat of the moment' or there's no point, his point of view won't be understood anyway!

I don't aggressively verbally taunt him! At the point I realise he is sulking and not speaking to me, I laugh and say something like 'OMG acting like a child again are we?' and don't bother trying to communicate.

jayII wrote: »

Spot on. I used to have sulkers in my immediate family, one an adult and one a child (now also an adult). The other child has never sulked, nor have I it's largely down to emotional IQ.

I tried to talk the adult out of it in the beginning but it only frustrated me and didn't help the sulking so I began to take it with a big pinch of salt. I just got on with my stuff and gave the sulker space until they came out of it. I certainly have plenty to keep myself busy!

These days sulking is a thing of the past, once they realised nobody was fussing about it or pressuring them, sulking slowly became a thing of the past. It's important to give people space to work their issues and emotions out for themselves, in their own individual way.

At the same time you need to avoid getting caught up in their angst wherever possible, which is why I just got on with my own stuff and largely ignore their moods.

Yes, I used to get sooo frustrated trying to find out what I'd done wrong - impossible when you are being blanked. It used to upset me, but I learnt to deal with it. Its his problem not mine.

Hezzawithkids

tanith wrote: »

My father was a champion sulker, when he was alive, I'd known him sulk for 6mths, my Mum even came and shared our bedroom and left him in his bedroom alone , he wouldn't talk to any of the family and would cook his own meals during his sulks. As children we would avoid him when he was in a sulk he just didn't interact with anybody and would leave my Mum housekeeping on the kitchen table.
When my Dad was close to the end of his days he told me that when he was a child he would get a beating if he so much as voiced an opinion be it good or bad and learnt to just keep quiet to avoid being beaten. I guess it was his way of coping but it meant some very sad times when I was a child.

That's such a sad story and such a waste of your precious time with him.

System

I'm a sulker, daughter of a champion sulker
I've never managed to stop doing it or understand why, and ex used to join in by babying me. Why am I saying this out loud? :eek:
Anyway OH refuses to join in, leaves me to it and welcomes me with open arms when I come out so I tend to come out sooner
Maybe that's the way to deal with us, like toddlers - reward the good behaviour and not the bad!
Good luck dealing with him OP

no1catman

tanith wrote: »

snipped.

When my Dad was close to the end of his days he told me that when he was a child he would get a beating if he so much as voiced an opinion be it good or bad and learnt to just keep quiet to avoid being beaten. I guess it was his way of coping but it meant some very sad times when I was a child.

Yes, why argue or say anything when you can't win.

Quote from OP "I don't aggressively verbally taunt him! At the point I realise he is sulking and not speaking to me, I laugh and say something like 'OMG acting like a child again are we?' and don't bother trying to communicate."

You may not see it as 'aggressive' but he may, seems at least sarcastic and demeaning.
The 'cause' may not be 'domestic' but could be work related.
Either way it can be the case of the 'straw that broke the camels' back i.e. a trivial event maybe but a 'that' it' moment.

jayII

busiscoming2 wrote: »

He hasn't done it all the time, as I said in my first post he used to do it far more frequently and has just recently done it again.



I don't aggressively verbally taunt him! At the point I realise he is sulking and not speaking to me, I laugh and say something like 'OMG acting like a child again are we?' and don't bother trying to communicate.



Yes, I used to get sooo frustrated trying to find out what I'd done wrong - impossible when you are being blanked. It used to upset me, but I learnt to deal with it. Its his problem not mine.

Try not to see it as a problem but rather as his way of coping with the difficulties life throws at him. Some people shout, some throw things, some withdraw, some talk for England (I do that and it drove my parents crazy). We all have quirks that others' find difficult.

I know my OH loves me but he's human after all. I found it much easier to cope with the sulks when I took a step back and mentally 'allowed' him to be who he is without recriminations or judgements. It eventually stopped the sulks too, bonus!

Just occupy yourself and try to be in a different room if possible, or leave a note and go to the gym or for a walk, or see a friend. Escape and have some fun, then his behaviour won't drag you down or upset you.

Alan_T_2

Others may perceive me as sulky on occasion, but for me it's always more of an introspective look at the things are bothering me before I air with others.

I only ever get like that when I have a multitude of different problems I need to talk about but that I need to sort through some of them in my head first (sometimes even just finding the right words to raise what's bugging me) otherwise I sometimes wade in and make it worse. It's very much the case that it helps me (the analytical side of me that I do in my work life overlapping into my personal life), and my girlfriend knows that it's never a "toys out of the pram" antic, but just me thinking things through, and gives me space knowing that I'll talk about it when ready.

hgotsparkle

I sulk to please my need for being angry, but yet I don't actually want to be angry with my OH because I know it'll turn into a row and be ten times worse.Sulking for me, is a happy medium.
Yet, I know it frustrates him

busiscoming2

jayII wrote: »

Try not to see it as a problem but rather as his way of coping with the difficulties life throws at him. Some people shout, some throw things, some withdraw, some talk for England (I do that and it drove my parents crazy). We all have quirks that others' find difficult.

I know my OH loves me but he's human after all. I found it much easier to cope with the sulks when I took a step back and mentally 'allowed' him to be who he is without recriminations or judgements. It eventually stopped the sulks too, bonus!

Just occupy yourself and try to be in a different room if possible, or leave a note and go to the gym or for a walk, or see a friend. Escape and have some fun, then his behaviour won't drag you down or upset you.

It is purely one incident in which the outcome is not to his liking.

jayII

busiscoming2 wrote: »

It is purely one incident in which the outcome is not to his liking.

Oh! The same thing repeatedly?

I've experienced that with a guy (it was about sex). I just told him that sulking turns me off totally and I probably wouldn't be interested for ages if he didn't behave! The sulks mysteriously disappeared. :rotfl:

I'm not saying it's the same issue for you of course.