Nice People Thread Part 9 - and so it continues

chewmylegoff

lemonjelly wrote: »

Rant alert - friends who don't behave like friends.

I've mentioned the friend who sent a wedding invitation which was fairly explicit in the no plus one category. It's a weird thing, as I've always felt a little distant from him anyway. TBH I'm not too inclined to go, & I have learned that the stag do invitations have been sent out. I haven't had one, though having seen one, I REALLY wouldn't want to go on this event anyway, so saves me making an excuse.

Another friend from the same circle has become very aloof recently. For a while, we both maintained regular contact. However this has tailed off significantly in the past 6 months or so. Granted now he has a baby time is a factor, but how long does it take to send a text or similar. Anyhows, I feel that it is predominantly me making the first move (hi mate, when you free etc etc). Getting very very fed up with responses along the lines of "dunno, will let you know" followed by a series of excuses as to why they're not free at all for 4 weeks, even for 20 minutes to drop off a present or similar.

I'm getting very very fed up with this now, & am sorely tempted to send a snotty email or text, but know the likely consequence of such an action.

Having read this back, I'm not sure why I posted this. I'll leave it as a cathartic exercise I suppose, but I'm getting very annoyed with people who are supposed to be friends not behaving like friends should.

Re that whole "no +1" issue- we are going to a wedding at the end of August were they have only invited +1s if both the couple getting married have met the +1, which I find a bizarre and odd way of doing things but apparently it's an attempt to keep the cost of food down. I thought it would be more appropriate to just invite whole couples to the evening do but apparently that was too difficult as it would have offended more people.

I also thought that instead of having a wedding spanning over all three days of the bank holiday weekend they could have saved money by cutting it down to one day only (also so I don't have to pay for two nights in a hotel and lose the whole weekend to a wedding in the midlands somewhere) but apparently it would have been rude to mention this and we have to go to the whole thing otherwise they'll be offended.

I find weddings pretty dull these days. They are all pretty much exactly the same, they cost a bomb to attend and I find them particularly socially awkward situations especially the elongated meal where you always end up next to people you don't know who are even more of an axe murderer than you are. I don't think I would ever want a formulaic traditional wedding. £20k on a bog standard venue and grotty lamb shanks for 100 people you dont really want there. I will pass.

Nikkster

Spirit wrote: »

There have been times when life has been harder where I have found even small communications about staying in touch 'too much trouble'. I have sort of gone even quieter and regrouped. Or just vegged. To the outside world it could look like cba but without attitude.

When I have resurfaced though, friends were just where we left off.

I'm very much like this. I've always had a tendency to be overly 'independent' - I don't like inviting people to things in case they don't really like me/ the 'thing' is rubbish and they stop liking me/ etc etc. I also struggle to call people in case they are busy (I know, they just won't answer) and can be a bit forgetful then figure its been too long to reply. Under stress, I go quiet and reclusive.

When I re-emerge I try and figure out who is still around.

I am currently in a re-emergence phase. I have told my remaining friends that I should be back to 'normal' later this year/ next year when current stresses are hopefully resolved.
I will then been cracking on with my list of 'things I will do when I am free' (they will need to be free if I have a mortgage, mind you).

PasturesNew

chewmylegoff wrote: »

... it's an attempt to keep the cost of food down....

It's horriffic how much each meal costs, especially bearing in mind that the menu's going to be quite limited..... I think they're feeding off that fear of offending people and knowing they can charge what they like with a combination of a Bridezilla + list of people somebody doesn't want to offend.

The whole point and purpose of the event's lost its way in the last X years really.

Oh well, at least you can sit at the themed table, with the themed placenames, on nice chair covers with a sash .... and look forward to the themed favours.

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

It's horriffic how much each meal costs, especially bearing in mind that the menu's going to be quite limited..... I think they're feeding off that fear of offending people and knowing they can charge what they like with a combination of a Bridezilla + list of people somebody doesn't want to offend.

The whole point and purpose of the event's lost its way in the last X years really.

Oh well, at least you can sit at the themed table, with the themed placenames, on nice chair covers with a sash .... and look forward to the themed favours.

I would have liked a pretty dress .

My guess is some weddings have always been ott, and that while things are ridiculous now its only because people have line to spend on them and access to magazines to fill in the blanks I. Their imaginations.

One of the weddings we said no to, regretfully, because of the friendship for dh, was a close friend of dh's who had a 'destination wedding' which then featured in not only a wedding magazine, but some other lifestyle envy thing. What those vehicles of envy don't know is that when DH spoke to the close friend a few days before the engagement Dh asked after the girl and the bloke said, yeah...well, I'm trying to break up with her....next thing we heard a few days later they were engaged. Potentially some women envy a woman and a ceremony that is based on a conversation that seems like it might have been a very cowardly miscommunication.

The wedding pictures looked absolutely gorgeous though, and the beautiful people looked great. I sort of didn't want to go anyway because of the lack of beautiful person status these days, . I would have had to duck out of the pics, but it just looked divine.

No lamb shank there, they are vegan.

I've never had anything like lamb shank at a wedding. I wish they did. The most hilarious wedding I went to was where one very generous set of parents had the champagne flowing very generously, but too generously, and too close to when everyone was seated and so over lunch everyone became a little flatulent, with the bubbles. But everyone was all ridiculously tiddly that no one really cared....

Nikkster

lostinrates wrote: »

Potentially some women envy a woman and a ceremony that is based on a conversation that seems like it might have been a very cowardly miscommunication.

Oops. Was it all Happily Ever After?

lostinrates

Nikkster wrote: »

Oops. Was it all Happily Ever After?

Well....yes, they are still married. They live in a different country from us. DH sees the chum most years, sometimes not every year, just once, and they email and Skype a bit. Its never, ever mentioned by that sort of unwritten rule of men or wise people who understand 'not my business'.

The whole relationship was odd, so odd I cannot describe it here because its too one off. But probably safe to describe it loosely as they met in a sort of one night stand way, swapped facebook details.....then he hasn't been able to shake her off since, ( despite leaving the country shortly afterwards) when he never really wanted her around. :eek:

She is absolutely gorgeous and obviously focused and driven, so he hasn't been too badly done by, but I still cannot help an ouchy feeling for both of them.

Nikkster

lostinrates wrote: »

She is absolutely gorgeous and obviously focused and driven, so he hasn't been too badly done by, but I still cannot help an ouchy feeling for both of them.

I can understand that, I definitely would too. Good to hear that things are going well enough for them both though.

misskool

i tried a new bread recipe this evening and it's in the 2nd stage of proving. i'm cross because i think it won't work.

need a soft fluffy texture and it won't be that

Nikkster

misskool wrote: »

i tried a new bread recipe this evening and it's in the 2nd stage of proving. i'm cross because i think it won't work.

need a soft fluffy texture and it won't be that

Sending soft, fluffy thoughts your way

misskool

Nikkster wrote: »

Sending soft, fluffy thoughts your way

:rotfl: found another recipe to try but seeing the fact i made 18 rolls tonight it might have to wait until the weekend

hows the deadline?