Parents who force their children into religion?

andygb

securityguy wrote: »

They were, in almost every imaginable way, shocking parents: controlling, judgemental, selfish and delusional, and the children unsurprisingly got out as soon as they could. In one case they now go around telling anyone who will listen that their son is living with a "!!!!!". Charming people, made yet more charming by their religion.

My mother and sister were/are staunch Christians (whatever that may mean to them:(), and my sister in particular has spread various nasty stories about my wife and I to relatives and friends. The fact is, that my wife was born a Muslim, but even before I met her, had decided on much the same belief system as myself;) My sister in particular has been very nasty towards my wife for no good reason - there you go, I suppose she sees herself as a "good Christian".


To balance matters, I have known one person who I would describe, as one of the finest people I have ever met.
He was a very devout Christian, attended mass every Sunday and played the organ and organised the choir. He was involved in a lot of community work, and I never heard him say a bad word about anyone. He was highly intelligent, a pacifist, and never judged people solely by their gender, skin colour, religion or sexual preference. He also had a fantastic sense of humour.

seashore22

Both my husband and I are Christians, but neither of us came from Christian or church going families. We both became Christians in our teens (separately) because of our own experiences and no one put any pressure on us.

Our children went to church with us for most of their childhood and into their late teens with some fairly long periods of us not attending church at all. I think that it was a generally positive experience for them, but churches aren't perfect and we have made a conscious decision not to attend anywhere now.

Our children are in their mid twenties now and one has a vague kind of Christian faith and the other would say that they have no faith, although they are what you would probably call "seeking" if that isn't too yucky a term. They are reading about Buddhism and psychology at the moment. I have no problems with any of that. A faith based solely on what we believe would be a bit meaningless and we have always preferred them to find their own way.

I actually feel quite sorry for second generation Christians. Yes they have the support and encouragement of Christian parents, but finding their own way can be tricky.

Just to add that neither of our children were baptised/christened as children.

Torry_Quine

I see nothing wrong with parents taking children to church or equivalent when young. However when the child is old enough they should be allowed to go or not depending on what they believe. It does no-one any favours forcing people to go somewhere they don't believe in and could easily have the opposite result from wanted.

Person_one

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I see nothing wrong with parents taking children to church or equivalent when young. However when the child is old enough they should be allowed to go or not depending on what they believe. It does no-one any favours forcing people to go somewhere they don't believe in and could easily have the opposite result from wanted.

Really though, in order for them to make a fully informed choice, they'd have to take them to synagogue, mosque, temple, gurdwara and every other place of worship too, as well as having plenty of days of no religion at all.

Nicki

Person_one wrote: »

Really though, in order for them to make a fully informed choice, they'd have to take them to synagogue, mosque, temple, gurdwara and every other place of worship too, as well as having plenty of days of no religion at all.

Do you think that's true. I didn't have to try every sweet in the sweet shop to know I liked chocolate and to pick a favourite. All that is needed surely is to expose children to some flavour of religion and let them be given a working knowledge of other religions as is currently part of the NC to genuinely let them choose whether they want any kind of spiritual life.

I'm also not that surprised to learn a Christian parent is initially devastated to learn their child is an atheist. Yes faith is a matter of personal choice but that parent's belief is that their child's eternal soul is damned as a result of their choice. If the parent's faith is genuinely held I would expect them to be upset by that!

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Really though, in order for them to make a fully informed choice, they'd have to take them to synagogue, mosque, temple, gurdwara and every other place of worship too, as well as having plenty of days of no religion at all.

We cannot experience absolutely everything before making each decision. Remaining open minded, and keeping a broad open mind is more than some people manage, including agnostics and atheists.

Torry takes a fair amount of bashing on this board for her religious opinion. I don't share her religion by any means, but find her post here totally valid.

I did get taken to more than one denomination of church (all Christian) regularly though mainly catholic and have to say I wish at times my father hasn't tried to even out the Catholism (he was an atheist who wanted to take me to Church of England which he was brought up in to balance the catholic upbringing). My sibling, different father, was babtised into a Protestant church at the insistence of her father, and I went to a third denomination school for a while.

I don't feel well versed in all religions, and infact, many followers of various religions aren't particularly well educated in them.

seashore22

Nicki wrote: »

Do you think that's true. I didn't have to try every sweet in the sweet shop to know I liked chocolate and to pick a favourite. All that is needed surely is to expose children to some flavour of religion and let them be given a working knowledge of other religions as is currently part of the NC to genuinely let them choose whether they want any kind of spiritual life.

I'm also not that surprised to learn a Christian parent is initially devastated to learn their child is an atheist. Yes faith is a matter of personal choice but that parent's belief is that their child's eternal soul is damned as a result of their choice. If the parent's faith is genuinely held I would expect them to be upset by that!

Of course we would have been delighted if our children had followed our faith. However there is no point in piling on the pressure or being openly distressed by it. I don't think that helps at all. Our children know what we think and we have open discussions about religion, but I don't want to go on the offensive or defensive with them. Apart from anything else I am a strong believer in grace and it's not for me to say who is "saved" and who isn't. Hopefully they have a long life ahead of them and who knows what might happen.

Person_one

Nicki wrote: »

Do you think that's true. I didn't have to try every sweet in the sweet shop to know I liked chocolate and to pick a favourite. All that is needed surely is to expose children to some flavour of religion and let them be given a working knowledge of other religions as is currently part of the NC to genuinely let them choose whether they want any kind of spiritual life.

Do you think its a coincidence that religion tends to run in families/cultures? I know there are people who convert, or who find a religion that nobody else they know practices, but its not nearly as common as children following what their parents follow, or people feeling that they belong to the main religion in their country/culture.

I'm not being completely serious about attending every kind of worship out there of course, but let's face it, religion is not always the free and clear choice some people like to claim it is.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Do you think its a coincidence that religion tends to run in families/cultures? I know there are people who convert, or who find a religion that nobody else they know practices, but its not nearly as common as children following what their parents follow, or people feeling that they belong to the main religion in their country/culture.

I'm not being completely serious about attending every kind of worship out there of course, but let's face it, religion is not always the free and clear choice some people like to claim it is.

So of course do other 'beliefs' and ideals. Politics, vegetarianism etc.

Lots of our choices are less our own than we like to think, even those that are made as a sort of a prolonged rebellion against.

Nevertheless, they aren't all the fault of poor old Torry Quine who gets it in the neck a lot on these boards! (Even though I often don't agree with her I have seen her used as a bit of a punch bag recently, not that I think you are doing that person one, I believe you have far too much integrity for that)

GwylimT

My parents are strict seventh day adventists, so nothing can be done on Saturdays but reading the bible and praying, no stimulants so no alcohol, caffeine, nicotine etc. No pork, no shellfish, nothing with webbed feet like duck. Gay people are evil, no white people are evil, no believers are evil etc. We were all baptised when we were 12, we were told if we refused we would no longer be welcome in their home and they were serious. I stopped attending church when I could afford to move out and my parents haven't spoken to me since. They also refuse to speak to my son, he is adopted (my cousin is his biological mother) and they refuse to speak to him as he is a !!!!!!! in their eyes and therefore a sinner.

My wife is a muslim she goes to mosque when she has time she doesn't eat pork etc or drink alcohol.

We don't take our children anywhere religious like mosque unless they ask, we do however celebrate a range of religious festivals in turn so they can learn about them better, so one year will have christmas, then diwali etc when they're old enough to actually understand the meaning instead of just thinking "yeah presents" or "cool dress up".

Forcing religion onto your children is no different to forcing atheism on them either, I know people who are embarrassed and scared to tell their friends and family that they are religious, its ridiculous.

None of us are bothered if our children are religious or not, as long as they're happy with what they believe it doesn't matter, but due to my own experiences I would worry if they moved towards judaism or seventh day adventism.