Parents who force their children into religion?

duchy

You probably weren't as tactful as you could have been ....whether it's religion, politics or not eating meat-if a family hold deep seated beliefs that that feel are "right" for their children -it's difficult when you realize your nearest and dearest are questioning your judgement and possibly rejecting all the things you feel have "done for your child" not to mention the shock that they've raised a child who can think for themselves.

The mother might have been thinking the son's rejection was just teenage rebellion (and who says it isn't -we don't know) . If you are close to her - talk to her - explain you know every situation is different and HER family situation may not be the same as yours but if she feels your experiences might help her see where her son is coming from -you're happy to talk about it-She might appreciate it-she might not-you won't know til you try.

securityguy

Another account of the positive, uplifting and indeed kind attitudes of Christians, and the many ways in which both their lives and the world in general is improved by religion. Christianity is clearly making the father in this account into a much better father than he would otherwise be, and the son's life is being enhanced by the loving, compassionate and intellectually rich world that is Catholicism.

neverdespairgirl

My mother is very religious (weekly attendance at church, membership of the church choir and parochial church council, etc) and my Dad isn't at all - he goes to church for hatches, matches and dispatches, and to enjoy the architecture, and that's it.

My mother took all 4 of us to church every Sunday, until we were about 16, and has since then left it entirely up to us, apart from Christmas, when my mother and all 4 of us (and my now 8 year old son) go together.

My parents seem to me a perfect example of how people who are religious and who aren't can be very happy together, and religion doesn't have to create any issues at all.

maman

I have many friends and relatives who don't share my views on politics, religion, equality etc. I respect their right to hold views which are different from mine and for tact's sake we discuss other things when we're together.

It sounds as if this lads father isn't prepared to accept anyone else's view but his own and keep going on about it. If that's the case then you're going to lose a friend as why would you maintain a relationship when you only came together to argue and he's so impolite that he doesn't respect your right to have differing beliefs? If it's family that you can't avoid meeting then you'll just have to try and avoid contentious topics when you meet and try to avoid social situations as much as possible.

As for the boy, you've given your opinion because you were asked for it. You aren't his parent, they are. If the parents disagree with each other, that's for them to sort out. Personally I think the boy should be allowed to make his own decision at his age. He may come back to the church in later life, he may not. That's his choice. The father's attitude is more likely to alienate him as it'll be about control rather than religion specifically.

andygb

CustardAndPickles wrote: »

Instead, you told her you were an atheist - and that her husband's behaviour was likely to result in alienation between the father and son. The first bit was obviously a surprise and the second bit would have been both upsetting (you were no doubt putting into words what she feared) and frightening (if the father is domineering, she's not going to want to say anything, especially if the father genuinely believes he's doing it to save his son's soul).

I think you're right - if the father finds out that you're atheist and have gone through a similar situation as the son - they are unlikely to have much to do with you. Although your comments were obviously well intentioned, I would keep out of this one. Any "support" you give the son will be seen as interfering and will force the mother to choose between you and her husband - and it won't be you she picks.

First of all, the mother is not a Catholic.
Secondly, I suggested that the father getting angry over something which SHOULD be a matter of choice, may make the lad feel resentful in the future - that is just logical.
It is my opinion that any parent who gets angry or loses their temper at a child, because the child has decided that religion is not for them, is guilty of child abuse.
It is no different to fundamentalism - and we all know where that ends up:(
One final point, I hardly ever tell people that I am an atheist, because there is no need. However on this occasion I felt that I should declare my hand straight away, because it let the other person know where I was coming from.

cutestkids

andygb wrote: »

First of all, the mother is not a Catholic.
Secondly, I suggested that the father getting angry over something which SHOULD be a matter of choice, may make the lad feel resentful in the future - that is just logical.
It is my opinion that any parent who gets angry or loses their temper at a child, because the child has decided that religion is not for them, is guilty of child abuse.
It is no different to fundamentalism - and we all know where that ends up:(
One final point, I hardly ever tell people that I am an atheist, because there is no need. However on this occasion I felt that I should declare my hand straight away, because it let the other person know where I was coming from.

I have to agree with everything you have said here, it could have been out of my mouth word for word.

My parents took the decision not to have me or my sister christened although they both were, I have followed this on with my own children, if they decide when they are older that they would like to be christened then it is never too late, but what right do we have to decide a baby should be a certain religion, it is a personal choice for each individual to make.

My children get RE in school which I am fine with and although I do not believe myself I am happy to answer any questions they may have about it.

For example my youngest asked did Jesus really exist I explained that yes I was sure that a baby was born in the circumstances of the nativity story and that he may well have grown up to do a lot of good and may have died on the cross but like all accounts of times gone by there were likely to be shall we say embellishments to the actual facts.
I will allow him to decide as he gets older what parts of the story he believes to be true and what parts are embellished.

CustardAndPickles

andygb wrote: »

First of all, the mother is not a Catholic.
Secondly, I suggested that the father getting angry over something which SHOULD be a matter of choice, may make the lad feel resentful in the future - that is just logical.
It is my opinion that any parent who gets angry or loses their temper at a child, because the child has decided that religion is not for them, is guilty of child abuse.
It is no different to fundamentalism - and we all know where that ends up:(
One final point, I hardly ever tell people that I am an atheist, because there is no need. However on this occasion I felt that I should declare my hand straight away, because it let the other person know where I was coming from.

Fair enough - my opinion still is that you should have changed the subject, unless the mother was actually asking you for your advice - you mention "offering your opinion", but not whether it was asked for or not. Religion (whether one believes or not) and child-rearing tend to be areas where people rarely want unsolicited advice. Slightly different if it's asked for, but even then I'd have politely excused myself from the topic - especially since it sounds like you knew in advance that it could lead to you losing contact with them.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I think what you said will have made a lot of sense to her. After all, not realising you aren't a Catholic suggests that you weren't off sacrificing newborns at Halloween or selling virgins - so they must still see you as a 'good' person. Now she knows you are a good person who doesn't happen to believe in a God. Even the Pope has said that atheists that are good will be forgiven for not believing (despite the frantic backtracking by the Church afterwards, if the dude is God's representative on Earth, he should know what he's talking about, right?) - even if the reply to this is likely to be 'Oh. Gee, thanks. I think'. There are also people who believe that once somebody has been saved, they are saved and that's that - no amount of disbelief will take away their place.



Trouble is, a lot of religion is forced conversion and punishments for heresy and apostasy.




If the father is indeed a rabid god botherer, then perhaps, yes, he won't have contact with you - but the kid will be 16 soon enough and if he is strong enough to stand up to such a bully, he'll be strong enough to have contact with you outside the confines of that domestic unit (I won't call it a family, because families are about support, care and not bullying/judging/punishing others for thought crimes).

System

I brought up my children in a very Christian environment but it has made no difference to their beliefs now they are adults.

You either believe or you don't. No one can force you to believe against your will.

securityguy

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

(I won't call it a family, because families are about support, care and not bullying/judging/punishing others for thought crimes).

I've met several Christians who claim that their religion is more important than their family, and they care about their religion more than they care about their children. One of them sent their children to school in near-rags while giving a large proportion of their income to their church. A church which, being one of the nutter churches that meets in school halls, did no charitable work whatsoever beyond keeping their rather creepy "pastor" in a rather nice house, where he held "house church" meetings with teenagers.

They were, in almost every imaginable way, shocking parents: controlling, judgemental, selfish and delusional, and the children unsurprisingly got out as soon as they could. In one case they now go around telling anyone who will listen that their son is living with a "!!!!!". Charming people, made yet more charming by their religion.