Propertyfan's guide to property viewers!

Tancred

shortchanged wrote: »

Then on the other hand you have the delusional seller.

Basically overpricing a property and not realising why it is not selling.

These can take the form of either a) cannot drop the price as they are overstretched to make the next move or b) greedy barstewards who just think their property is worth more than it is because they have not moved on from the good ol days of 2006-07.

Very true. Not just delusional sellers but delusional estate agents who encourage ridiculous over valuations in the hope that the seller will go with them.

WellKnownSid

You missed off:

The 'don't like the furniture' viewer.
Supposedly, these people are here to view your house, but almost instantly - their cat-killing curiosity comes leaping to the fore.

It starts with mundane swipes at the furnishings - "Don't much like the look of that sofa", or "did you see, that table, it came from Ikea"... but within minutes they're rifling through your smalls drawers and forensically analysing the contents of your bin.

Drink Maxwell House instant instead of coffee ground by hand straight from the bean ? Wah waaaah - you've just lost yourself another sale. Nothing personal, just rest assured that they could never see themselves living in a house after, erm, you.

The 'never read the particulars' viewer.
Sadly, these viewers start off with all the right noises. Positive comments about the tasteful dado-rail, and how well the stainless steel appliances fit in with the kitchen. They could imagine inviting their own friends to dinner around your dining room table... would you consider leaving it? Then they go upstairs.

It starts as a bit of a tiff between the agent and the viewer, but within seconds it erupts. "What do you mean, ONLY TWO BEDROOMS?", closely followed by the stomp stomp stomp of high heels down the stairs and out the door.
The EA looks somewhat bemused and embarrassed as he hastily follows. You never hear from them again.

Paully232000

What about the seller who sits sunbathing in the garden while his embarrassed wife shows us round the house. The proceeds to tell (not ask in any polite way which I would have listened to) to not go back into the house with our shoes on as we had been outside in the back garden. No idea where he thought we had been before we came to the viewing...hovered there??

House was overpriced and turned out to be smaller than we expected, but wouldn't have given him a £ of my hard earned never mind hundreds of thousands of pounds:-)

MaxTheCat

makeyourdaddyproud wrote: »

Had sold in Reading. Tiny 3 bed, AP was £205k, we accepted £200. Moved quickly, no onward chain.

Bought 7-bed in Thanet for cash. AP £210k offered AP.

Like you, probably could have shaved £5k but didn't want to take the chance. Our circs are different in any case as we are well off.

Regards

Only a mug offers the asking price for a house. Half the fun of property buying and selling is the negotiations around the price.

namecheck

MaxTheCat wrote: »

Only a mug offers the asking price for a house. Half the fun of property buying and selling is the negotiations around the price.

There are people who will not buy unless they get a reduction in the price, regardless of whether they can "afford" the property and whether the asking price already makes it a bargain.

Fraise

Propertyfan wrote: »

I, Propertyfan, am here to provide my guide to the mysterious world that is the property viewer! Yes, all the secrets are revealed! Without further ado, here we go...

1) The 'can never afford it' viewer.

The 'can never afford it' viewer will view your property but have no intention of making an offer. The idea appalls them. "Make an offer? Who do you think I am, someone that wants to buy a property?!"

The 'can never afford it' doesn't have the cash, the mortgage, the rich uncle, friend, trust fund, secret bank account in the Canary Islands, hasn't won the lottery, hasn't robbed a bank and doesn't know Richard Branson's mobile number to ask him for a loan. They haven't got the money and will never have the money but this doesn't stop them coming to your property, having a walk around and making such comments as, "I quite like it. I'll have a chat with my partner/family and get back to you."

They never do.


2) The 'we must change things' viewer.

The 'we must change things' viewer is prevalent and their MO (modus operandi) is self-evident. They will take a walk around the property and start making comment such as, "this room needs a lot of work done to it. The kitchen will need new units. We need to move the dishwasher, move the lights, increase the height of the ceiling, move the house to a new road."

These comments are not positives but negatives to use against the vendor in the hope they will convince the owner that the asking price is too steep and a lower offer should be accepted. "Well, I do like the property but a lot of work needs to be done to it. Yes, I know it's got a bath and a sink but I want a bath, sink *and* toilet *and* shower cubicle. And the walls will need to be knocked down to accommodate all this. Clearly, this will cost at least 50,000 pounds plus VAT so I have to reduce my offer to take into account the extra money for renovation."

The 'we must change things' viewer is a sly beast. Invariably, they know all the specs of the property, roughly how old it is, before they visit, but play dumb and then make wild suggestions regarding what is needed to improve it.

If your property doesn't come with a bath and shower cubicle, doesn't come with three bedrooms, don't let the viewer think he/she is smart to say "well, it's okay but it doesn't have three bedrooms." If an EA has done his/her work correctly the viewer will know the basic stats of the property and if they start saying "this needs a lot of change and work" then it's just their attempt to say "if we make an offer we're going to drop the price by a lot."

Don't fall for their tactics.

3) The 'time waster' viewer.

The 'time waster' viewer will contact an EA and arrange a viewing. The doorbell rings, you let the viewer into your abode. They will have a walk around, perhaps ask some very brief questions then disappear. They don't want to buy your property, it's extremely unlikely they have their own home on the market or ready to be put on the market. The time waster enjoys viewing properties just for the sake of it. They like to see what sort of furniture people have, the general decor. It might give them some ideas how to enhance their own property. The time waster gives himself/herself away by their exceptionally short visit to your property. If they're in and out within a minute or so that's the sign they're wasting your time. They just fancied a day out at your property. Next time someone does that, charge them an admittance fee!

4) The 'bullsh*t' viewer.

The 'bullsh*t' viewer will view your property and make wild claims about their financial status. "We purchased a similar property not that long ago. I have the cash, no mortgage is required. I can move out straight away. I deal in properties all the time."

It's possible the bullsh*t viewer will make an offer on your property but he/she is an habitual liar or has a lifelong phobia of veracity. Their best friends tend to be politicians, traffic wardens and members of the Inland Revenue. The bullsh*t viewer will say anything to secure the best deal for the property and then proceed to say anything to convince you the sale will actually happen. They will gladly lie about their finances, lie about their mortgage, lie that they don't need a mortgage when they do - just generally lie about everything. The bullsh*t viewer is even worse than the time waster viewer and should, as soon as the warning signs are made evident, be avoided at all costs.

5) The 'no show' viewer (suggested by phoebe1989seb. Thanks.)

The 'no show' viewer doesn't turn up at the property because their lifestyles are so hectic and glamourous. Most no show viewers can't afford mobile or landline telephones so never get in contact with the vendor to apologize for their absence.

6) The 'shill' viewer. (suggested by phoebe1989seb. Thanks)

The 'shill' viewer is a fake viewer designed to give the impression the EA is actually doing some work. Most shill viewers are random people the EA found on the street or out of work soap actors. If you ask nicely, they might give you their autograph.

7) The 'none of the above' viewer.

The 'none of the above' viewer is genuine about moving, knows the specs and price of your property, has the funds to purchase and makes a rational decision whether or not to make an offer. This type of viewer is quite rare and in some countries considered an endangered species. The World Wildlife Fund:

I would only let proceedable viewers look round my property. It cuts out all the timewasters. Simple.

Propertyfan

I, Propertyfan, am here to provide my guide to the mysterious world that is the property seller! Without further ado, here we go…

1) The “My cleaner is on holiday” seller

The “My cleaner is on holiday” seller is one that doesn’t think a tidy property has any bearing on its potential sale. How clean and tidy a place should be is highly subjective – one man’s library of books and antiques may be another man’s cluttered mess of ‘old stuff’ – however, it’s fair to conclude a property that looks like the vacuum cleaner has never touched the floor isn’t going to impress a prospective buyer. If you struggle to imagine what a room will look like without all the cluttered items, thick dust on shelves, heavy stained carpets, and windows so dirty you think it’s permanent night time, then the chances are you’re not going to make an offer on the property.

2) The ‘non-interested’ seller

The ‘non-interested’ seller will show little interest in wanting to sell/rent the property to you. The non-interested seller prefers to show people around his/her property without the assistance of an estate agent. They will escort you around the property and make strange noises like “err.. umm” and “yeah, I suppose so.” The non-interested seller is a master at uncomfortable pauses – those moments when dead air consume the property and the prospective buyer thinks he/she has met a serial killer. The non-interested seller does want to sell his/her property but his/her body language and general demeanour is so poor you would rather go on a blind date with some creepy person you found on Facebook than have any more dealings with the seller.

3) The ‘beware of the dog!’ seller

The ‘beware of the dog!’ seller is happy to let his beloved pet (cat, dog, snake, alligator etc) run riot around the property. These annoying (ahem… I mean lovable) animals will happily obstruct access to rooms and generally become the centre of attention. Beware of comments like “don’t worry, he/she doesn’t bite! “ – and “oh, go on, give him/her stroke.” Such comments usually result in a visit to the Accident Emergency ward of the local hospital.

4) The ‘beware of the kids!’ seller

The ‘beware of the kids! ’ seller is identical to number 3 above except you replace the dog barking or biting with some brattish kid making sarcastic comments or screaming a lot. Such scenarios usually end with the mother saying “if you don’t shut up I am gonna have a mental breakdown!” A variation of this scenario is the child prodding you or making annoying comments like “my daddy is richer than you.”

5) The ‘desperate to sell’ seller

The ‘desperate to sell’ seller will adopt an all-out attack approach to selling his property. He/she will make it clear the property has to be sold by yesterday. If the seller gives you the keys to the property as you leave, it’s probably a safe bet to say the vendor is a bit too keen.

6) The ‘there’s nothing wrong with my property’ seller

The ‘there’s nothing wrong with my property’ seller will convince you any major defects with the property are not a problem. The lack of a roof to his property – that’s just a skylight. The hole in the living room floor – an extra toilet. The property moving a little due to subsidence – merely the wind from outside. The one advantage of such a property is you might be able to barter with the vendor and get a reduced price. “100 quid and we got a deal!”

7) The ‘prejudiced’ seller

The prejudiced seller will take an immediate dislike to you based on your race, job, social class, income, car you arrive in to see the property, your accent, your clothes, your hairstyle, you choice of music etc. The prejudice seller wishes to sell to a certain type of individual – one that is preferably loaded and has a holiday home in Monaco. They may be swayed from their prejudice if you agree to the full market price of the property and promise to rename your children 'Endeavour' and 'Harmony'.

8) The ‘self opinionated’ seller

The ‘self opinionated’ seller will use the sale of his/her property as a means to self-aggrandisement. The seller will waffle on about his/her life, his/her achievements and generally bore you to tears. The best route to take is to nod your head, keep replying with a disingenuous “that’s impressive” and then mention you recently won Mastermind. That will put him/her in their place.

Dan-Dan

Dejà vu....?

makeyourdaddyproud

MaxTheCat wrote: »

Only a mug offers the asking price for a house. Half the fun of property buying and selling is the negotiations around the price.

No, it means you will always lose out on the best, in demand properties types. This might work for your crappy newbuilds.

Do you live in the NE by any chance?

The_Earl_of_Streatham

Then there's the ready to proceed buyer who looks round, likes a place and, shock horror, proceeds. Houses do actually change hands from time to time, in all parts of the country and for mutually agreed prices.

Hey, I slept well last night, it's sunny outside. Even I can be optimistic for a couple of hours.