How do I curb wife's spending

NinjaSavingKat

PNA its time to get serious with that wife of yours. You CANNOT carry on with this burden on your own. Have you every told her about being on MSE at all...? With only one daughter at home can she get a second job now or extend her hours... Although I can just about imagine what discussion this might incur judging from previous ones...

I suppose the only good thing from this is that you have money there to cover the deficit of no lodgers.. not as comforting as it could be but things could be horrific if you didn't have that money at all as you seem stretched financially and mentally as it is... buts its testamount to your hard work that there is enough to cover the inflation. I am sorry it's now having to go to the house though..

Fingers crossed for a good lodger asap. Things will get better.

Pay_no_attention

NinjaSavingKat wrote: »

PNA its time to get serious with that wife of yours. You CANNOT carry on with this burden on your own. Have you every told her about being on MSE at all...? With only one daughter at home can she get a second job now or extend her hours... Although I can just about imagine what discussion this might incur judging from previous ones...

I suppose the only good thing from this is that you have money there to cover the deficit of no lodgers.. not as comforting as it could be but things could be horrific if you didn't have that money at all as you seem stretched financially and mentally as it is... buts its testamount to your hard work that there is enough to cover the inflation. I am sorry it's now having to go to the house though..

Fingers crossed for a good lodger asap. Things will get better.

No I would not dare tell her about MSE. I do not think she would be too happy with me pouring my life out on here. It's just nice for other people to listen and give me their opinions and suggestions. It's funny how you can find it easier talking to strangers about money and debts.no one else really knows about how much debt I had,how much I've paid off etc,not even my parents. My wife, I try to explain to but get no input or signs of concern whatsoever. I told her this morning about the mortgage increase and the reply was not much more than a "oh"

MrsGSR

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Pay_no_attention wrote: »

No I would not dare tell her about MSE. I do not think she would be too happy with me pouring my life out on here. It's just nice for other people to listen and give me their opinions and suggestions. It's funny how you can find it easier talking to strangers about money and debts.no one else really knows about how much debt I had,how much I've paid off etc,not even my parents. My wife, I try to explain to but get no input or signs of concern whatsoever. I told her this morning about the mortgage increase and the reply was not much more than a "oh"

I can totally relate to that, my DH knows I come on here and what i discuss and he is fine with that. He is however becoming increasingly aware of our situation and although he isnt quite as tight as me he is doing his bit.
Do you think she just doesn't want to acknowledge it? The more I read on your thread the more I wonder whether she just really has no idea as to what situation you are in and still wants to lead the same lifestyle.

The way I see it is that when you find yourself in a rough financial situation you have to cut back on the treats, this doesn't mean to say none at all but maybe one coffee a week, nails done by a friend that sort of thing.

i think you are doing a sterling job and I do so hope she has her LBM soon because it seems that it is really dragging you down and this is the sort of thing that has to tackled as a team not on your own.

cottage_retreatist

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

No I would not dare tell her about MSE. I do not think she would be too happy with me pouring my life out on here. It's just nice for other people to listen and give me their opinions and suggestions. It's funny how you can find it easier talking to strangers about money and debts.no one else really knows about how much debt I had,how much I've paid off etc,not even my parents. My wife, I try to explain to but get no input or signs of concern whatsoever. I told her this morning about the mortgage increase and the reply was not much more than a "oh"

Hey PNA,

I read the beginning of this thread a while ago but just popped back in so apologies if I say anything anyone else has already said but I have a partner who is terrible with money and he knows it - when I first met him one month his whole 1700 at the time wage went in 1 day due to late payment fines and overdraft fees! :eek: This was when we were 'courting' not together!!

Even now 8 years later a close friend asked how much our debt was recently and he said 11,000 pounds - it's 23,000 POUNDS!!!! He hasn't got a clue! But he is on my side (most of the time) - he hasn't had a LBM, he doesn't budget, he doesn't worry about how we're going to pay the next bill that drops on the floor. But we are a team and if I needed him to do something he would (if playing GTA5 begrudgingly) do it - whatever it may be.

He has passed over control of all accounts to me - I go into his account on payday and remove all but 200 from his account (covers his DDebits and 120 spending money for the month) - if he spends all that he asks me for more and if I can't justify it I don't give it to him.

Some people might say this is a laugh or like a parent-child relationship but I know he has a self-destructive mentality - he used to be a drug addict and an alcoholic and would be a gambler if he still went on gambling websites. If you love her AND if she loves you - you will support each other and make the ultimate sacrifices to make your relationship financially viable.

OK - I have to give way to him sometimes because he's not a willing participant in this journey but he knows WHY i'm doing this. I'm not going to preach to you - I just thought you'd like to know that there's someone else who is in a position where they carry the burden of the debt-busting - and it's draining and exhausting but if I can do this we can both enjoy life!

Sorry - it's a bit of a waffle! BTW - he's a very alpha male my man so I wouldn't dare show him this what I've written or my diary - he hates me talking about us but he respects I need to do it!

Big hugs to you PNA and keep on pushing - you've done so well so far!!! YOU know why you're doing it so keep going. :beer:
C-R xx

rainbowcattail

Mr PNA sorry to hear your mortgage will increase, also sorry to hear your wife's reaction. She really needs to take her head out of the sand & get on board. Maybe it's time to try tough love, as softly softly, no offence doesn't seem to be working that well & they are HER flipping debts as well. What are the implications of giving her responsibility for paying off her debts? I understand you both have separate debts? Or if that is too draconian why not hand over a percentage of her debt to her to pay off? Your reasoning could be now you have to cover the extra mortgage payment therefore you need help. I appreciate it is a difficult situation but really, you have borne the whole burden too long.

Granariesgirl

Hi PNA -
Just a thought: how about you suggest that if she doesn't like how you are trying to deal with your collective debts, each of you can pay your own debts separately & get a formal agreement written up (no idea if this is possible in UK) to have a separation of financial responsibility?

That way she has a choice: either play the game by your rules or sort her own life out & not come crying to you when it all goes Pete Tong.
Of course this would only work if 1) it is legally possible & 2) you don't buckle at the first sign of tears... :cool:
The way she is going at the moment though, she is messing up any chance for a secure future for you & the kids...

Anyway good luck & hopefully she knows what a good hubby she has in you.

maman

Sorry to hear about the mortgage increase pna. One plus is that at least Mrs pna shouldn't get any ideas that the budgeting is going to be relaxed any time soon.

What's being done to get you new tenants? Is it possible that if you dropped the rent a little it would improve chances? I'm only suggesting it as getting something in might be better than nothing at all.

I do understand about 'secret' posting on mse. My DH knows that I post and sometimes I make reference to it in conversation but that's the limit of what I tell him. I don't think it's at all unusual to unburden yourself to 'virtual' friends. There isn't the baggage or emotion that can get involved in RL so you can get more objective advice.

Pay_no_attention

maman wrote: »

Sorry to hear about the mortgage increase pna. One plus is that at least Mrs pna shouldn't get any ideas that the budgeting is going to be relaxed any time soon.

What's being done to get you new tenants? Is it possible that if you dropped the rent a little it would improve chances? I'm only suggesting it as getting something in might be better than nothing at all.

I do understand about 'secret' posting on mse. My DH knows that I post and sometimes I make reference to it in conversation but that's the limit of what I tell him. I don't think it's at all unusual to unburden yourself to 'virtual' friends. There isn't the baggage or emotion that can get involved in RL so you can get more objective advice.

We dropped the price by 10% just over a week ago. I just getting impatient. It's been empty for just over a month now. I have it on with two agents but no viewings. I'm thinking renting individual rooms out if I do not get anyone soon. I know their is a market for this because of the area. Not for students but working professionals.

kelpie35

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

We dropped the price by 10% just over a week ago. I just getting impatient. It's been empty for just over a month now. I have it on with two agents but no viewings. I'm thinking renting individual rooms out if I do not get anyone soon. I know their is a market for this because of the area. Not for students but working professionals.

PNA have you thought about advertising it on Gumtree or facebook if you have an account.

There are loads of people using these sites now, hope this helps.

System

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

We dropped the price by 10% just over a week ago. I just getting impatient. It's been empty for just over a month now. I have it on with two agents but no viewings. I'm thinking renting individual rooms out if I do not get anyone soon. I know their is a market for this because of the area. Not for students but working professionals.

Remember that the rules surrounding renting individual rooms and a whole property differ greatly. You need much more rigorous layouts for multi-room lodgings, I am sure someone can give you more information soon, I know it is around multiple room occupancy and each council may have different licenses that are required, so you'd probably be better to just lower the rent a little more, or perhaps ask around if anyone you know in the UK has someone who'd be interested for a 'mate rate' perhaps?

also, do you not have the option to secure a better mortgage deal?