How often to see partner

Torry_Quine

notanewuser wrote: »

I had a career of my own which was extremely important to me and it took quite a lot of engineering for both of us to move our respective jobs to the same city. He would no more expect me to give up my home/career/friends than I would him. We are individuals who have chosen to live a life together, not a bloke who drags his missus along wherever he goes.

Even married 9 years and with a toddler, we still have our own distinct identities (and surnames ).




Awwww, that's lovely.

I certainly don't think he would have dragged me along but ultimately someone would have to be prepared to move if the other got a job offer elsewhere. You were fortunate that you both got a job in the same place but are you saying that was a deal breaker and you both wouldn't have been in the same place without jobs?

I can still remember practicising my new name before I got married.

lostinrates

It is lovely you still get butterflies torry. .


I think the point is, that you cannot really know the full circumstances of each Circumstance. . I know it surprised peoe, I am quite happy to be the dragged about wife unlike not a new user, but circumstances were such I wanted to be in uk for a while. My husband and I are from tremendously different situations and need different stimuli. I was very very I'll, and its vital to my sense of worth that DH does not become soley my carer as was happening, and I didn't want to end up totally dependant missing 'my' choices in life.

Our way is a compromise, not one we'd choose if we were billionaires, but the best compromise we afford now. I would not want to make hima shadow of himself now do I want to offer him that version of me. We make this work.love bears all things, believes all things, endures all things, right? ( something is missing there but cannot think what)

notanewuser

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I certainly don't think he would have dragged me along but ultimately someone would have to be prepared to move if the other got a job offer elsewhere. You were fortunate that you both got a job in the same place but are you saying that was a deal breaker and you both wouldn't have been in the same place without jobs?

It was more important to him than me that we lived together, and I wasn't prepared to give up work and be 'kept'. I'm still not. I don't know whether it was a deal breaker. He got a contract in London easily and I transferred to London in the same job (but employers took some persuading).

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I can still remember practicising my new name before I got married.

Horses for courses.

Lieja

My partner and I live together, and have been together for nearly 4 years. We actually see a lot less of each other now than when we lived 40 miles apart! I work full time days, and he works full time nights. We have about 30 hours a week together, although I'm sure you can imagine that this time 'together' involves mainly one of sleeping and the other up and doing stuff. We barely ever even spend the night together!

It is a massive strain and neither of us likes it - his job has recently changed and we used to see each other much more, and hopefully this will change again. In the mean time, we have to make do!

speedyblue66

I don't think there's any set rules. I've been with my girlfriend for 18 months and I stay in hers one night a week and from Friday until Sunday night. When I'm off work I spend more time there. We are both older and have been in failed relationships before so its what works for us at the moment, as it gives us the chance to do our own thing during the week such as see friends or get jobs done, plus my girlfriend can have her granddaughter to stay over during the week. I think it depends on your individual circumstances, for us financially it'll be another 18 months or two years before we would be living together although that may change. We text or speak every day and some weeks we'll spend extra time together. We know there's no rush at our age (40's) to dive headlong into the 'traditional' route of relationships, and I guess that's another thing age comes into it as well.
Ultimately if your happy and you've discussed where you'll be in the next few years and are both happy, then just enjoy where you are now.

lostinrates

Hopes all things.

That's what was missing

Corinthians I think No idea where in Corinthians though. Think I have done quit well to remember that much to be honest!

Torry_Quine

It's 1Corinthians 13:7. Love is patient, love is kind etc which is often used at weddings including mine.

Stephb1986_2

Me and my fiance have been together 7 years he works nights and I work during the day we only get to spend weekends together, we will be moving in with each other soon just that life has got in the way and I wouldn't see him any more than I do now even if we did live together.

Steph x

justme111

If you don't cohabit and never done before he is not a partner but boyfriend. I get a hint you would like him to become such and move in together as in practical terms it is not possible to spend any more time together than you do now without moving in together.

southoftheriver

I see my bf once or twice in the week, and then most weekends. And it doesn't mean we're not serious about each other at all. We do have separate lives but also value our time together. We're not at the stage of moving in together yet because my work means I move around a lot and we are waiting until we have a better idea of where i'm going to be, but i've been in relationships where we saw each other everyday (not living together) and that can be suffocating.

When I do night shifts and twilights we see each other even less!