How often to see partner

lostinrates

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If that suits then fine. It wouldn't be for me and my husband at all.

I do know a couple where he had to work abroad and only got home at the weekends and they hated it and he considered moving the family so as to be together. In the end he resigned and got a job which meant no working away and is much happier. It was a difficult time for everyone concerned.

Glad he found a solution for them. Of course, there were two other possible and equally valid ones that might suit others.

Brighton_belle

I took what Torry wrote as meaning if you don't and never have lived together you aren't partners, you're boyfriend/girlfriend.
(I could be totally putting words in her mouth though.)

I tend to feel the same and never saw my now DH as a 'partner' before living together.
But I totally accept different people attribute different meanings to these words.

CH27

Oh Torry you do make me laugh with your total inability to understand that everyone is different

eta I do mean this in a nice way.

Torry_Quine

lostinrates wrote: »

Working for a period and coming back? But a fair few of us here are describing our routine weekly/ monthly pattern not of away and coming back for a while but regularly seeing each other three nights a week OR less. This does not make our relationships less about partnership.

I wouldn't deem to describe whether someone else's relationsip is a partnership or not. However to me only seeing someone a few times a week and not sharing a home would not be my idea of how to live.

Torry_Quine

lostinrates wrote: »

Glad he found a solution for them. Of course, there were two other possible and equally valid ones that might suit others.

Of course and I was just giving an example.

Brighton_belle wrote: »

I took what Torry wrote as meaning if you don't and never have lived together you aren't partners, you're boyfriend/girlfriend.
(I could be totally putting words in her mouth though.)

I tend to feel the same and never saw my now DH as a 'partner' before living together.
But I totally accept different people attribute different meanings to these words.

You've got it exactly.

CH27 wrote: »

Oh Torry you do make me laugh with your total inability to understand that everyone is different

eta I do mean this in a nice way.

Thanks, glad it made you laugh. However I have said repeatedly that if it suits you that's fine.

lostinrates

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I wouldn't deem to describe whether someone else's relationsip is a partnership or not. However to me only seeing someone a few times a week and not sharing a home would not be my idea of how to live.

But living full time with someone other than each other would not be our idea of how to live. Your way suits you, our way, with our circumstances, suits us. We've accepted we cannot have everything, and the comprise in life we are not prepared to make is giving up each other, our partnership.

In our circumstance, personally, we do share a home, just not very night.

notanewuser

Our relationship started 200 miles apart. We were engaged for 6 months before we both moved to live together. Perhaps that's why we're more "flexible" than the traditional "marry your neighbour" approach.

lostinrates

notanewuser wrote: »

Our relationship started 200 miles apart. We were engaged for 6 months before we both moved to live together. Perhaps that's why we're more "flexible" than the traditional "marry your neighbour" approach.

We were the opposite. We moved in together very quickly ( just 'needed' each other:o) and tbh I'm surprised we have weathered wll apart. Its given some unexpected advantages specific to the long hours and demanding job DH does and emotional advantages that are universal....absence making the heart grow fonder...I really do still get butterflies on a Friday night and he grins like a teenager on a date.

Torry_Quine

lostinrates wrote: »

But living full time with someone other than each other would not be our idea of how to live. Your way suits you, our way, with our circumstances, suits us. We've accepted we cannot have everything, and the comprise in life we are not prepared to make is giving up each other, our partnership.

In our circumstance, personally, we do share a home, just not very night.

Who said anything about living with someone other than each other?

notanewuser wrote: »

Our relationship started 200 miles apart. We were engaged for 6 months before we both moved to live together. Perhaps that's why we're more "flexible" than the traditional "marry your neighbour" approach.

If for instance he had had to move for work then I would have moved too as to me that's what couples do.

Not sure what to make of the 'marry your neighbour' line.

lostinrates wrote: »

We were the opposite. We moved in together very quickly ( just 'needed' each other:o) and tbh I'm surprised we have weathered wll apart. Its given some unexpected advantages specific to the long hours and demanding job DH does and emotional advantages that are universal....absence making the heart grow fonder...I really do still get butterflies on a Friday night and he grins like a teenager on a date.

I still get butterflies when he comes home from work especially after a night shift. You don't have to have long abscences for that.

notanewuser

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If for instance he had had to move for work then I would have moved too as to me that's what couples do.

Not sure what to make of the 'marry your neighbour' line.

I had a career of my own which was extremely important to me and it took quite a lot of engineering for both of us to move our respective jobs to the same city. He would no more expect me to give up my home/career/friends than I would him. We are individuals who have chosen to live a life together, not a bloke who drags his missus along wherever he goes.

Even married 9 years and with a toddler, we still have our own distinct identities (and surnames ).

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I still get butterflies when he comes home from work especially after a night shift. You don't have to have long abscences for that.

Awwww, that's lovely.