What is your take on "I love you, but I'm not In love with you"

thehappybutterfly

meritaten wrote: »

to put it bluntly - it means the lust has gone, leaving only the love. some people can and do live quite happily with that.

I agree with this except sometimes it's not lust but that heart-stopping, stomach-wrenching feeling you don't get anymore when you even think about your other half. I still lust over my hubby but in all honesty, it's because I've got the horn, not because of his sex appeal! Does my heart still skip a beat when I think about him/see him? No, not really. It doesn't sink like but it doesn't race either!

Do I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life? Yes I do because he's good and kind and funny and dependable and always 'up for it' - all the things you want in a life partner.

seven-day-weekend

samtoby wrote: »

I love my partner and I am in love with him.

I love my son but I am not in love with him.

There are all sorts of love.

But I agree with the relationship point.

This:^^^^^^^

lostinrates

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

I agree with this except sometimes it's not lust but that heart-stopping, stomach-wrenching feeling you don't get anymore when you even think about your other half. I still lust over my hubby but in all honesty, it's because I've got the horn, not because of his sex appeal! Does my heart still skip a beat when I think about him/see him? No, not really. It doesn't sink like but it doesn't race either!

Do I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life? Yes I do because he's good and kind and funny and dependable and always 'up for it' - all the things you want in a life partner.

Yes, that spicey pinch rather than suffocating or unhealthy bucketload of limerence doesn't have to be purely or even mainly lustful, but it does probably have to be a constant.

Even when I feel far too dreadful to feel sensual its DH who I think of. When I feel heightened emotions, good or bad, the immediate reactions Is just 'him'....what he'll think, say, do....how things impact on him. That feeling of 'us' being as equal as 'me and him' in a consideration of everything.

meritaten

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

I agree with this except sometimes it's not lust but that heart-stopping, stomach-wrenching feeling you don't get anymore when you even think about your other half. I still lust over my hubby but in all honesty, it's because I've got the horn, not because of his sex appeal! Does my heart still skip a beat when I think about him/see him? No, not really. It doesn't sink like but it doesn't race either!

Do I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life? Yes I do because he's good and kind and funny and dependable and always 'up for it' - all the things you want in a life partner.

I 'love' my husband - but, although he is very good looking and has a great body - I find sex with him very boring.
He is a good man - but a very hard person to live with!

onlyroz

meritaten wrote: »

I 'love' my husband - but, although he is very good looking and has a great body - I find sex with him very boring.
He is a good man - but a very hard person to live with!

But if Mr Stud-Muffin from next-door with the six-pack expressed an interest would you stray out of boredom? Or would you ply yourself with wine and try for a fun night with Mr Tried-and-Tested?

thehappybutterfly

there's a song by the Mamas and Papas that sums up my marriage:
I don't feel all turned on and starry eyed
I just feel this sweet contentment deep inside. Holding you at night, just seems kind of natural and right.
And it's not hard to see that it isn't half of what it's gonna turn out to be.

All together now!
and it's getting better......:)

thehappybutterfly

onlyroz wrote: »

But if Mr Stud-Muffin from next-door with the six-pack expressed an interest would you stray out of boredom? Or would you ply yourself with wine and try for a fun night with Mr Tried-and-Tested?

personally I'd drag hubby off to bed and use my imagination!:rotfl:

heartbreak_star

I loved my ex like a brother by the time we'd been together for 11 years. I would have been (and still would be) incredibly distraught if something happened to him, but I didn't (and don't) want him touching me.

With my current OH, we're always in physical contact and like just being near each other - and even after nearly 2 years, he makes my tummy flip We're in love.

HBS x

pollypenny

After 40+ years I am not 'in love', but by god, I don't think I could live without the old b***er!

And I love him to bits.

LouLou

I know a couple where "those" words were spoken, and it marked the end of their relationship: they split weeks later.

My gut reaction would be that my partner was telling me it was platonic and more or less "over", but the later posts in this thread have made me think.

It could well be that the lust has gone, and cosy familiarity and kinship has taken over.

Maybe you just have to use your gut instinct when someone says it: if the relationship has been on a progressive downward spiral, it's The End. If you're still both happy and content, maybe it's just the comfort zone feeling he's trying to describe? Albeit rather clumsily!

This is why we need to be clear when we communicate with our other halves I blimmin' hate it when men "drop hints"!