Overweight child and its all my fault - bit long ...sorry!

TracySouth

My daughter is 12 and about 3-4 stone overweight. She desparately needs and wants (in a way) to loose weight so she can be just like all her friends (her words not mine) and dress in the latest fashions instead of living in jeans. I am overweight as well and I am to blame for her weight as I am the one who feeds her the food she eats. She has always been a solid girl but over the last couple of years her weight has crept up. She is not active at all really apart from walking too and from school everyday. She has never been sporty and I have suggested several things but she says she is rubbish at them and doesnt want to try, she always feels everyone will be looking at her too. To make matters worse she has a younger brother who is sports mad, really good at every sport he does and really slim as well.

About 5 months ago she became a vegetarian and I wish she could apply the will power she has used to stick to this belief to loosing weight. On a typical day she will eat:

Breakfast: cereal with ss milk and glass of OJ

Lunch: 2 small granary rolls with wholemeal peanut butter, french fries crisps, yogurt and piece of fruit

Dinner: 3 vegetarain sausages, 2 vegetarian waffles, sweetcorn. Yogurt

Snack: 2 ryvita and peanut butter or 3 jaffa cakes

She does eat chocolate, not everyday but probably 2 times a week.

Should I take her to the doctor and ask for a referral for a dietician (although not sure I could persuade her to go) or should I join something like weight watchers and do it together.

Im sorry for such a long post but this is really getting me down lately, her weight and mine and I feel as though its come form of child abuse for allowing her to get so overweight.:o

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this and any help would be greatly appreciated.

Broken_hearted

Maybe you could go to the doctor/nurse and get advice for yourself so you can make more healthy meals. That way it's about you not her.

iwanttosave_2

I think the best thing would be to get her more active.

Are there any hobbies she likes? Horses? Swimming?

From what you said what she eats, it doesn't seem excessive, unless the portions are big but even so its pretty healthyish.

3KIDSNOMONEY

I Know Its Hard But Try Not To Feel Guilty. Kids Have A Great Way Of 'forcing' You To Let Them Eat All The Rubbish Food That Is Available. At Least You Have Realised That Something Needs To Be Done To Help Your Daughter.

I Can Only Echo What Has Been Said And Encourage Her To Be More Active. Maybe This Could Help You Too If You Did Something Together. In My Opinion Cycling And Swimming Are The Easiest 'sports' To Try.

Good Luck

alwaysonthego_2

Hi it is probably better not to diet but to eat healthly whichh reduces the pressure because she is only young. Plenty of exercise i.e walking, you could do this together. With respect your daughter does not seem to be eating the recommended 5 portions of fruit and veg a day.

Maybe you could prepare her fruit smoothies and swap the jaffa cakes for fruit. Obviously she needs treats but peanut butter is high in fat, yes it does contain protien but she is having it twice a day. What about low fat cheese with her ryvita. Make sure she is getting her protein from her veggie diet. And remember to grill and not fry.

Katgoddess

Go to the doctors first and see what they say. If they think it is needed they will refer her to a dietician. I think you need permission for an under 16 to go to weight watchers anyway?

I work with a paediatric dietician in a children's centre, and she gets so frustrated at the parents who turn up to their appointments with the child eating a packet of crisps and drinking a carton of Ribena and they don't understand why they are overweight. :rolleyes: This is under 5's I'm talking about!

Sports. What about swimming, ice skating, skipping?

Your daughter is lucky she has a fab mum who can support her. Good luck!

PS I think you need to look into her vegetarian diet, and make sure it is balanced properly. I don't like the sound of the waffles... Gingham Ribbon has a meal planner on the Old Style board, you might want to look at for cheap meals.

poppyscorner

Hi not much advice to offer really just wanted to give you my support to say I agree that you should perhaps speak to your doctor and try to make healthy eating fun for her i.e my son (admitedlty a lot younger) loves fresh fruit and salad and he loves to prepare fruit into a fruit salad with low fat strawberry yoghurt on it he also loves his salads and regularly asks for this kind of food he would rater eat strawberrys as opposed to a bag of sweets let her get involved in her own meal planning there seems to be alot more emphasis on healthy eating in schools these days so this should help matters try new fruits veggies and salad ingredients together.

And just a little note I was abit overweight at that age probably about two stone but found that as I went through puberty and hanging with my mates became more important I lost the excess weight and turned into a curvy size 14 shape never was I skinny but a nice size and shape i definately was.

HTH poppy

savagevixen

Hi,
I just read your daughters daily diet, and to be honest was surprised as it looks ok to me. I know the guidelines etc, but some kids are so difficult to feed, and your daughters diet is by no means appalling neither is does it seem excessive. Sure their are areas where improvement could be made, but I know kids with really awful diets, so don't beat yourself up. Encourage her to eat more fruit and perhaps try to do something with her (my mum took me to keep fit with her when I was 11/12/13) I really enjoyed it. Swimming is also really good.
We are vegi, and (although they are still young!) the kids love lentils and rice dishes. It is important that your daughter gets enough iron and Vit B12 if she is vegi. Is this monitored as she could be aneamic. I was vegi from age 13 and when my periods started I became aneamic several times despit my mother feeding me lentils/beans and spinach daily! Another source of iron is dried apricots, and these are also fruit so you sould try these.
It sounds a like she has low self-esteem and low confidence. This needs working on somehow, so that she feels more able to take part in exercise/activity.
I would definately think about making an appointment with the GP, perhaps initially one on your own to discuss your daughter. I am sure there is help available, and she is so young. Lots of people have difficulties with food, my sister became terribly anorexic at 13. It was awful, she was depressed following glandular fever and it led to anorexia. So definately seek advice and above all don't feel guilty, feel proud for helping her now.
Good Luck, its pants being a pre-teen/teenager at times.

southernscouser

If you and her are serious about losing weight then it's about more than diets. It's a whole lifestyle change.

She says she wants to be like her friends and wear the same things but the motivation for you should be her health. She is at risk of all sorts of things if she continues her life overweight. Diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol etc. 3 to 4 stone overweight is a lot for a kid of that age. I don't mean to sound critical or anything, I'm just try to motivate you into really wanting this.

Like I said, it's a lifestyle change. Going on diets are all well and good but as soon as you stop dieting you go back to your old ways and put the weight back on. By changing your diet (eating habits, different to dieting) you are changing your daughters and yours futures for the better by enjoying a healthier and longer life.

Good luck.

Elle00

TracySouth wrote: »

My daughter is 12 and about 3-4 stone overweight. She desparately needs and wants (in a way) to loose weight so she can be just like all her friends (her words not mine) and dress in the latest fashions instead of living in jeans. I am overweight as well and I am to blame for her weight as I am the one who feeds her the food she eats. She has always been a solid girl but over the last couple of years her weight has crept up. She is not active at all really apart from walking too and from school everyday. She has never been sporty and I have suggested several things but she says she is rubbish at them and doesnt want to try, she always feels everyone will be looking at her too. To make matters worse she has a younger brother who is sports mad, really good at every sport he does and really slim as well.

About 5 months ago she became a vegetarian and I wish she could apply the will power she has used to stick to this belief to loosing weight. On a typical day she will eat:

Breakfast: cereal with ss milk and glass of OJ

Lunch: 2 small granary rolls with wholemeal peanut butter, french fries crisps, yogurt and piece of fruit

Dinner: 3 vegetarain sausages, 2 vegetarian waffles, sweetcorn. Yogurt

Snack: 2 ryvita and peanut butter or 3 jaffa cakes

She does eat chocolate, not everyday but probably 2 times a week.

Should I take her to the doctor and ask for a referral for a dietician (although not sure I could persuade her to go) or should I join something like weight watchers and do it together.

Im sorry for such a long post but this is really getting me down lately, her weight and mine and I feel as though its come form of child abuse for allowing her to get so overweight.:o

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this and any help would be greatly appreciated.

Firstly I should point out that what she is eating is quite a nicely balanced diet. She's got fruit, dairy, protein, brown carbs and veg in there which is better than a lot of skinny pre-teens manage! Plus she is eating regularly which is also important. As her diet is good you should definetely take her to the GP's for blood tests first off because she's not eating massive amounts of high calorie foods here and it's worth ruling out a slow metabolism (hypothyroidism) as well as medical fatigue (like anaemia). Also, because her diet is good it is far more likely that if there's no medical problem she is not necessarily eating too much but doing too little. I know it sounds like the same thing but it isn't quite; some of us more prone to slumping in front of the telly all afternoon than others but we have to eat a good varied diet nevertheless to get all our nutrients and vitamins.

So maybe you could sign her up for ladies' swimming night for starters? Both go together to do a few laps. She won't feel self conscious if it's women only hopefully and people of all ages, shapes and sizes go to these things. Or there's something like a step class. See I'd say stick to adult exercise classes because as someone with personal experience of this I am quite sure she does not want to bounce around in front of her slimmer peers!

An idea worth mentioning but obviously may well not be suitable is that if she's ever bugged you to get a dog, now might be the time to get one providing she walks it every night herself. An extra 20mins walk every night would be enough to burn off 2lbs a week and give her a boost to be more active throughout the evening too.

If you can't coax her into doing more then the next thing to look at is portion size. Three veggie sausages is quite a lot for one girl so just give her two and replace one of the waffles with extra veg. She could use some green veg in her diet for iron as a vegetarian (I am too) so try to replace a waffle or part of whatever potato portion with peas, spinach, broccoli or runner beans. Because she's having cereal with OJ she's getting a good deal of iron from that if it's a fortified one (and also Vitaimin B12 which is ONLY found in meat products or fortified cereal like Rice Crispies etc).

Lastly, but not leastly, don't think it's the end of the world if she kicks up a fuss and refuses to help herself. Dieting as a child is a very hard thing to do. So try to be sneaky and insist everyone comes shopping or for a walk up to Granny's/the shops at 6pm instead of sitting in front of the telly or PC if all else fails. Every little helps and if you only manage to get her to maintain her weight through sneak tactics it's better than ignoring the problem and watching it escalate. If she can maintain it for a few years she'll grow into her weight better with height and dropping a dress size or two might be enough of a push to look after her figure in future years.

Oh and parents like you are not the ones who could be accused of child abuse; it's those that ignore their child's problems and neglect their needs that do that. You're obviously a kind and loving Mother who wants the best for her child and I say good for you! I think the diet you're providing your daughter with is very nutritious it's just that she sounds like she's not very active and this has caused a gradual weight gain.

Best wishes, Elle x.

elly2

hi my daughter is the same i am waiting to see a dietician but its a long waiting list so far this year i have lost a few stones and its heartbreaking to see my 12 yr old wearing my old clothes, we are at the stage of blending veg into sauces and making pasta dishes for her just to get som vitamins into her, she just refuses to eat fruit or veg and has started to steal food from the kitchen i'm really worried about her