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tomdickharry

fawd1 wrote: »

I think the reality is you'll never know until you fear you're about to lose them.

didn't get much notice, taken in unwell, discharged after a few days all ok then back in the next day and then the longest few weeks of my life whilst he deteriorated.
whilst my dad had quite a few ailments
i feel anger at times that he could have been saved, seemed ok-ish then got bad really quick, will never know how, just feel cheated that a man who was a gentle giant who did nothing but good could leave so quickly

tomdickharry

marisco wrote: »

Try to focus on all the things you did do for your dad instead of regretting the things you didn't OP. It sounds like he was a great guy who was grounded and level headed, and he would have respected and understood that you led a busy life. I don't get the impression from what you say of your relationship with your dad, that he would ever have felt overlooked. He wouldn't have the had the wonderful bond he did with you and your family if he did.

he did and he never moaned about anything really
I've never lost anyone before, so guessing that feelings get mixed up,
so many emotions, but in the past they could always be sorted, this can't, not that there any real ones here, just can't get used to him not been here.

Lizzie_Bennet

tomdickharry wrote: »

didn't get much notice, taken in unwell, discharged after a few days all ok then back in the next day and then the longest few weeks of my life whilst he deteriorated.
whilst my dad had quite a few ailments
i feel anger at times that he could have been saved, seemed ok-ish then got bad really quick, will never know how, just feel cheated that a man who was a gentle giant who did nothing but good could leave so quickly

I'm always asking 'why?' Why is my dad, who worked all his life, was a loving husband, a devoted dad, not with his family whilst so many evil people are walking this earth. It wasn't until after he died that we found out that there is actually an vaccination he could have had to prevent pneumonia. We'll never know if that would have saved him.

I'll never get used to him not being here. I'm doing my best to remember his voice. For ages afterwards I'd smell his coat, wanting him near. We've got a camcorder recording of him from 15 years ago, I don't know if I'll ever have the guts to watch it.

Sorry for waffling

Love and hugs

tomdickharry

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I lost my dad three years ago and my grandmother last year. I only have my mum left.

This is going to sound incredibly harsh, but you have to push yourself through some of the things that hurt. Like shopping. Your kids need you to do the shopping. Try and function for those who are still here that need you.

There will always be things that will hurt - to this day I cant hear the hymn Abide With Me without tears - but try to think about the happy things. Always talk about those who have left us, and sometimes talk to them. As long as you remember, a piece of them will never leave

Lots of love and positive wishes, OP.

HBS x

i know your right, its the little things that keeps me remembering.
he loved his cricket as i do, i can't even watch it on tv,
i can still hear me say to him "c'mon, ashes start next week" and he looked up and he knew, that was the last time he actuality saw me.

tomdickharry

Lizzie_Bennet wrote: »

It wasn't until after he died that we found out that there is actually an vaccination he could have had to prevent pneumonia. We'll never know if that would have saved him.

Sorry for waffling

Love and hugs

my dad actually died from pneumonia too, they tried all sorts of anti-biotics but it had got too far before before anything was done, 5 or 6 days laid in a hospital before they really checked, hence my anger,
i know in my heart he'd already got it, but angered with his 1st 2 weeks in hospital, not good, but these are the emotions i fell now

bonniecata

sat here crying while reading this I lost my step dad nearly 11 years ago while heavily pregnant with my daughter ,I also never got chance to say goodbye or tell him how much I loved him , I talk about him all the time to my 3 kids (only my eldest son knew him ) and although I can think about him ,talk about him and smile or laugh there are times I would give anything for 1 last cuddle from him , he brought me up from the age of 4 and I was 24 when he died I was also a total daddies girl , at the minute I would say take every day as it comes

Pthree

I am so very sorry for your loss.


Gosh this thread has made me cry!


I was always a Mummy's girl, and up until very recently I don't think I actually realised how much I do actually love him, in early May he had a massive heart attack, I received a phone call at 7.30 in the morning from my Mum telling me he was very poorly and I had better go home (I am down South, they are up North).


I had spoken to him the day before and he was chirpy, I had seen him 2 weeks before and he was looking a lot better than he had done for a while.


I arrived at the hospital later that day to be met at the door by my sister telling me to prepare myself he had had a massive heart attack and was on life support, and dialysis (sp?), there were tubes and machines bleeping everywhere. It was horrendous. The Dr's told us there was so much damage to his heart there was no hope and it was a case of when, not if. I swear I literally felt my heart break. I was not ready for it, I still needed my Dad (something I hadn’t realised until then - daft eh!), I couldn’t remember the last time I told him I loved him. I should have visited more, I should have told him!


We sat in the hospital the planning his funeral.


But……… he has always been a stubborn old goat, he came home 3 weeks ago. He is still quite weak, and the damage to his heart basically means that he really could go any minute, so I'm kind of looking at it as a 2nd chance, am going back home every chance I get and am spending as much time with them as possible.



I do know I am very very lucky to get this time with him.


The way you speak about your Dad tells me that he knew how you felt about him and what a good man he was, I am sure he knew how much you loved him.


P3

tomdickharry

Pthree wrote: »

I am so very sorry for your loss.


Gosh this thread has made me cry!


I was always a Mummy's girl, and up until very recently I don't think I actually realised how much I do actually love him, in early May he had a massive heart attack, I received a phone call at 7.30 in the morning from my Mum telling me he was very poorly and I had better go home (I am down South, they are up North).


I had spoken to him the day before and he was chirpy, I had seen him 2 weeks before and he was looking a lot better than he had done for a while.


I arrived at the hospital later that day to be met at the door by my sister telling me to prepare myself he had had a massive heart attack and was on life support, and dialysis (sp?), there were tubes and machines bleeping everywhere. It was horrendous. The Dr's told us there was so much damage to his heart there was no hope and it was a case of when, not if. I swear I literally felt my heart break. I was not ready for it, I still needed my Dad (something I hadn’t realised until then - daft eh!), I couldn’t remember the last time I told him I loved him. I should have visited more, I should have told him!


We sat in the hospital the planning his funeral.


But……… he has always been a stubborn old goat, he came home 3 weeks ago. He is still quite weak, and the damage to his heart basically means that he really could go any minute, so I'm kind of looking at it as a 2nd chance, am going back home every chance I get and am spending as much time with them as possible.



I do know I am very very lucky to get this time with him.


The way you speak about your Dad tells me that he knew how you felt about him and what a good man he was, I am sure he knew how much you loved him.


P3

I'm sure you will take the 2nd chance,
my dad spent 4 weeks in and we were told it will be a roller coaster ride, there were quite a few times when they said he'd picked up, then a bad turn, unfortunately the bad turns got too regular,
I'm very happy for you to get a chance to show what your dad means, jealous even, but i don't mean that in a resentful way,
i was very close to mine, not in the emotional way, but we both knew where we were all the time.
also feel for my kids because he lived for them, he always spoiled them rotten, much to my anger
always filled them up with rubbish