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tomdickharry

do you love yours?

mine passed away a few weeks ago,
i try to be strong, its my nature not to show too much emotion,
but i miss him so much, he was my dad, mum & best mate all in one,
my hero.

i thought he would last forever but was taken away from his grand kids and me rather sudden.
every time my phone rings i still expect it to be him asking for something from the shop,
i even put his mobile in with him hoping it would show some closure, i sent him a text half hoping for a reply even though it was the only text i ever sent as he couldn't work mobiles.

i never ever told him that i loved him until i held him tight as he fell asleep, but we both knew we didn't have to say it before anyway.

when does the pain fade because every moment alone i feel like breaking down,
i try to keep myself busy with my kids and g/f, i have a very small family but regardless of us, it revolved around dad most of the time,
i've never felt so low

Tiddlywinks

The pain will fade and you will start to remember all the good times you shared.

Just give yourself the time and space to grieve... it does get better, really it does.

Bangton

I'm so so sorry to hear of the pain you are going through. My dad passed away 6 yrs ago when I was 23 so perhaps I have an idea of how your feeling.

There is absolutely nothing I, or anyone else can say to make you feel better but time does heal. In my case I hated that saying because deep down I didn't want to heal...it meant I was letting go of my dad and accepting his death and being ok with it. Regardless though it happened and I can now smile and be happy that he was my dad even though I miss him terribly

(that said as I type I'm beside myself with tears I miss him so much)

I'm truly sorry

meritaten

My dad was my hero - like your dad was. I miss him and he passed away nearly 20 years ago. But, I never got to tell him I loved him as he had a heart attack and passed suddenly. But he knew I did - as surely as I knew he loved me! though I cannot ever remember him saying the words. it was 'known' between us.
the pain does fade, it takes time, and it takes the realisation that although they have physically gone from our lives - they do live on in our memories and our hearts. I had nightmares after dad died - awful ones - it was only when I realised I was projecting my own fears onto dads death they stopped. and I started remembering the good times. and there were so many even now I suddenly remember something I had forgotten and it makes me smile. there WILL come a time when the memories don't make you cry - they make you smile instead, and then you are really 'celebrating' his life.

marisco_2

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. I cant even begin to comprehend how painful this must be for you. It does come across very clearly that you both shared an incredible bond. I am sure yourself and your family enriched his life, just as much as he did yours. It speaks volumes that neither of you felt the need to say how much you loved each other, rather taking the approach of actions speaking louder than words.

Grief is a very individual experience and people pull through it at their own pace. As painful as it is to need to break down and not bottle up your emotions, it is healthy and all part of the healing process. Take it one day at a time and let happy memories of him comfort you. My thoughts are with you and your family.

cazziebo

9 years on since I lost my dad and I remember that pain so well. He was very ill for a long time, so it's not as if we weren't prepared. I miss him every single day - although now I can remember him and smile.

Make sure you look after yourself and take time to grieve - it's a long process and can impact you physically as well as emotionally.

So sorry - sending positive thoughts your way

Torry_Quine

I dread the day that I lose my Dad and you have my sympathy.

'Grief is love without a home'

meritaten

I do have to mention my Father-in-Law. I loved him like a Father, called him 'Dad' and meant it! I called MIL 'mam' at her request - but it never felt 'right' to me.
I loved FIL and helped nurse him through terminal lung cancer for nearly two years. we grew very close - he died while I was holding his hand and telling him that although everyone loved him it was time. in a funny sort of way - that really helped me come to terms with MY dads death. I realised that it was the natural way of things - and with FIL I was able to tell him every day for months 'I love you' - I also realised he knew that! as he replied 'I know' - I love me too! a big joker my FIL! Both men were as different as chalk and cheese in personality - but both were men with big hearts - and they loved their kids! and in FILs case they loved their DILs too! looking back both deaths were traumatic - I miss them, but, their love is still there - and I still love them. so perhaps love is neverending.

tomdickharry

Bangton wrote: »

it meant I was letting go of my dad and accepting his death and being ok with it. Regardless though it happened and I can now smile and be happy that he was my dad even though I miss him terribly

i have loads of smiles with him, a few tears naturally,
the minister even commented on me smiling when getting info on dad to read at his service,
it hurts that my kids won't get any more time with him because they were his world, he spoiled them rotten, not in money terms, but he gave us all a simple life and a good life, can't say this about many men, but he was a true gent

marisco_2

tomdickharry wrote: »

it hurts that my kids won't get any more time with him because they were his world, he spoiled them rotten, not in money terms, but he gave us all a simple life and a good life, can't say this about many men, but he was a true gent

It is sad that he was taken too soon and did not get to spend more time with your children. However by knowing him, if even for only a short time, they have had a fantastic start to life. They will benefit for years from his love and influences via yourself now

Arachne_2

Sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad

I know it probably doesn't seem like it at the moment, but the pain will lessen as time goes on.

I last saw my biological father when I was 15, and TBH he's not a good guy so, although I wish him no harm, I'm happy for it to remain that way.

I too can relate to your OP as, July last year, we lost my step-dad, who was more of a Dad to me in the five short years I knew him. He was my "partner in crime", had quite a twised sense of humour like me, and my mum never stood a chance with the two of us winding her up

So although I miss him like mad, I'm glad we all had the years that we did together. I would have liked a few more years (he was only 56), but...:)