Blast from the Past

j.e.j.

She could just try and say to the other interviewing/selecting panel he's not suitable. As long as she can give other, valid, reasons for his unsuitability there shouldn't be a problem. (especially if he didn't/doesn't recognise her!)

If she withdraws from the interview she doesn't get a say and they could be taken in by him and hire him. What a nightmare that would be for the OPs friend.

meritaten

would you really lose respect if a member of the team came to you and just quietly said 'I cant be involved in this persons interview/decision, because I know him and I have personal issues with him'?
I think I would respect them more for being honest. but not if they whinged that he was a bully and she hated him! but a quiet 'I don't think I should be involved'?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Gavin83 wrote: »

I'm not actually sure it's legal to add personal information you know about somebody to an interview process. An issue you had with someone in school does not reflect on their ability to do a job now. My girlfriend who works in HR is asleep at the mo but I'll ask her when she wakes up.

Saying he is a known bully is a bit of a grey area to be honest and I'm not sure you can apply a trait someone had as a child into their adult life. Where do you draw the line? Would you call someone a known thief in an interview because they stole your pencil case in primary school?

Of course if she wants revenge then go for it. However if I was employing her and she came to me with this information I'd lose respect for her. Of course theres a chance her employers might not but is it really worth the risk when she doesn't have to take this course of action?

OK. What if it had been somebody who sexually assaulted them whilst a teenager? I fortunately escaped from somebody like that who was 14 at the time. What if he were to apply to work at an all girls' secondary school? Should I keep quiet because I wasn't going to be believed at the time/it was dismissed as 'boys will be boys'?. It would be my responsibility to say I have unpleasant experiences with that person and what they were.

Gavin83

meritaten wrote: »

would you really lose respect if a member of the team came to you and just quietly said 'I cant be involved in this persons interview/decision, because I know him and I have personal issues with him'?
I think I would respect them more for being honest. but not if they whinged that he was a bully and she hated him! but a quiet 'I don't think I should be involved'?

Are you asking me because if so I think you've misunderstood my post. I'd have no problem with her saying 'I can't be involved as I used to know this person', there's nothing wrong with that. It's a very professional approach. However her saying 'Don't hire him, he's a known bully' I'd have a problem with.

Gavin83

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

OK. What if it had been somebody who sexually assaulted them whilst a teenager? I fortunately escaped from somebody like that who was 14 at the time. What if he were to apply to work at an all girls' secondary school? Should I keep quiet because I wasn't going to be believed at the time/it was dismissed as 'boys will be boys'?. It would be my responsibility to say I have unpleasant experiences with that person and what they were.

There's a difference between one pupil calling another one nasty names and someone sexually assaulting a fellow student. Crimes like sexual assault, murder, extreme violence clearly demonstrate a serious personality defect and I very much doubt someone is going to be capable of rape at the age of 14 but then at the age of 24 be an upstanding citizen. Generally those who sexually assault are victims of sexual assault themselves, it's not something you just grow out of. However it's perfectly possible for someone to be a bit of a brat trying to look cool in front of their friends to grow up into a healthy adult.

However you'd still be on potentially shakey ground if you told the school in your example above. If he found out he lost the job because of this accusation you could get in a whole world of trouble. In all honestly he's probably unlikely to find out and given the circumstances I'd probably tell the school as if he went on to rape a student I couldn't live with myself.

However this example is an extreme version of what was posted for it to be relevant for the OP.

building_with_lego

I think that saying something like, "knowing what I know about him I must withdraw from the interview panel" would suffice. You can be darkly vague and subtly influence the decision, without coming across as (potentially) a hysterical schoolgirl.

Actually I was thinking about this a while back in relation to someone I know(an alcoholic thief, totally unsuited to the environment!) who was thinking about applying to my workplace. I came to the conclusion that I would not reveal the reasons they ought not employ her but I would make it clear that I could not be involved in the decision for "personal" reasons, and then refuse to say anything more on the matter.

ciderwithrosie_2

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

OK. What if it had been somebody who sexually assaulted them whilst a teenager? I fortunately escaped from somebody like that who was 14 at the time. What if he were to apply to work at an all girls' secondary school? Should I keep quiet because I wasn't going to be believed at the time/it was dismissed as 'boys will be boys'?. It would be my responsibility to say I have unpleasant experiences with that person and what they were.

It entirely depends on the circumstances - if it was a lad the same age who just took things a bit far out of excitement when you were having a snog after the school disco, then it was a mistake and can hardly be held up as sexual assault years later when that person is an adult and knows better.

If it was a genuine premeditated sexual assault by someone much more predatory and perhaps was known to have tried it with other girls/women then yes, I probably would make that known to the police.

But....a bit of name calling is hardly in the same league as sexual assault now is it?

meritaten

Gavin83 wrote: »

Are you asking me because if so I think you've misunderstood my post. I'd have no problem with her saying 'I can't be involved as I used to know this person', there's nothing wrong with that. It's a very professional approach. However her saying 'Don't hire him, he's a known bully' I'd have a problem with.

yes me too! I think you missed my post - its the last one on the previous page, but I wasn't sure you weren't responding to it! thanks for clarifying for me.

Callie22

Bullying isn't just name calling. I was bullied at school and I was beaten up, kicked and spat on - day after day, for a very long time. In fact, if another adult did to me today what some of my contemporaries did at school, it would be regarded as assault and would be a criminal matter. A lot of the posters in this thread have leapt to the conclusion that 'it was just a bit of name calling' and the OP's friend is just being petty, but you can't possibly know exactly what went on. Maybe the OP's friend was beaten up by this person, and in that situation I can completely understand why she might not want to work with him. Bullying is a strange thing, and it affects you as an adult in ways you can't possibly imagine if you never experienced it. I can completely understand why the thought of facing this person again on a daily basis is making her panic.

And, being honest, it's all very well to say 'you can't judge someone on childhood behaviour' but in my experience bullies, especially if they were the sort who got away with it right through secondary school, really don't change much as adults. Girls especially - they just get much better at not being caught.

paulineb_2

I was bullied at school, badly. And I did meet one of them in later years in a pub and I just had a couple of minutes conversation with them and walked off.

I wasnt just bullied over my weight (I wasnt fat just not thin), I was bullied over being clever, I was bullied for wearing glasses, I was bullied because I was in the school band as many of my mates were, I was bullied because my mum is a teacher.

And some of it was physical. But if someone had met me 20 years on and Id been in a position where I was on an interview panel and I have done numerous interviews as a manager, unless someone had done something to me that was so horrendous Id never get over it, Id hire them for the job if they were the best person for the job

Ive also been bullied numerous times in my working life as well by certain people, but one thing I do have now is strength and if any school bully was someone who was the best person for a job, I wouldnt be terrified due to stuff that had happened when I was 8 or even 16.

Because Im not that person anymore. Sometimes you have to let go of some horrible stuff thats hurt you, keep your dignity and say, well Im the better person.

I would never ever try and say, well its karma that Im going to deny someone a job because they were awful to me.

Some of the people who were the worst to me at school came from absolutely horrific backgrounds where they were battered up and down the place by parents and fighting and being hateful was all they knew and that doesnt excuse it.

You dont ever forget, but you can let it go and if someone does upset you so much it brings on really awful feelings, for goodness sake go and talk to someone about it so you can actually move on without feeling terrified, for your sake more than anyone elses.