Does he drink too much..?

paulineb_2

kitrat wrote: »

Sounds like a lot to me! A bit surprised more people aren't expressing shock at this. Perhaps talk to your GP so you can come back to your partner with some facts?

Im not sure that expressing shock would do any good. Ive already said that hes drinking too much and that he could be putting away a lot of alcohol units over those bottles of wine.

But shes been honest about the fact that hes under stress. There are professions that are very high stress and people can and do end up reaching for the bottle.

Ive probably in my time gone through situations in my life where I was drinking to levels that would be considered too high, not hazardous but more than I used to and Im someone who has worked with people who have addictions and Im a qualified alcohol and drug worker, I absolutely know the dangers of alcohol.

But when you are going through some stressful life events yourself sometimes you end up turning to something to cope. I learned ways to manage my stress that didnt involve alcohol, such as exercise.

And Im sensible enough to know when to put a stop to it and even in times when I was drinking too much for me, I bet you that some people could put away in an evening on the town, more than I was drinking in a week, Ive seen it. You only need to go out on a Saturday night in some places to see people in the states they are in.

Marching off to the GP and coming home with leaflets isnt the way I would handle it. Id have a conversation saying that theres concern about the drinking levels, you are already in the spare room.

Also, there are people who drink too much who can return to patterns of normal drinking, its not the case that if someone has what people might perceive as a problem that they have to never touch a drop again, some people might not be able to but others when they get over the life event thats made them drink too much, they can return to patterns of drinking that arent problematic

Even if its not the job and its just habit/boredom, people can get out of the habit and do other things that occupy their time.

kitrat

paulineb wrote: »

Im not sure that expressing shock would do any good. Ive already said that hes drinking too much and that he could be putting away a lot of alcohol units over those bottles of wine.

But shes been honest about the fact that hes under stress. There are professions that are very high stress and people can and do end up reaching for the bottle.

Ive probably in my time gone through situations in my life where I was drinking to levels that would be considered too high, not hazardous but more than I used to and Im someone who has worked with people who have addictions and Im a qualified alcohol and drug worker, I absolutely know the dangers of alcohol.

But when you are going through some stressful life events yourself sometimes you end up turning to something to cope. I learned ways to manage my stress that didnt involve alcohol, such as exercise.

And Im sensible enough to know when to put a stop to it and even in times when I was drinking too much for me, I bet you that some people could put away in an evening on the town, more than I was drinking in a week, Ive seen it. You only need to go out on a Saturday night in some places to see people in the states they are in.

Marching off to the GP and coming home with leaflets isnt the way I would handle it. Id have a conversation saying that theres concern about the drinking levels, you are already in the spare room.

Also, there are people who drink too much who can return to patterns of normal drinking, its not the case that if someone has what people might perceive as a problem that they have to never touch a drop again, some people might not be able to but others when they get over the life event thats made them drink too much, they can return to patterns of drinking that arent problematic

Even if its not the job and its just habit/boredom, people can get out of the habit and do other things that occupy their time.

Alright I see your point, but she doesn't appear to be at the stage where she feels confident enough to put him in the spare room, as she doesn't seem to feel she's looking at it objectively. I'm not suggesting she goes marching in with leaflets, she didn't come across as an idiot. I was just suggesting it as a route to give her confidence in what she's saying.

paulineb_2

She sleeps in the spare room when she cant stand his snoring. Obviously it is having an effect on the marriage already.

Theres plenty of leaflets she could download online, but if its work stress thats at the root of all of this, I think thats the conversation she needs to have, what the issues at work are, why hes drinking more than he used to and what they can as a couple do to try and make it better.

And as a very light sleeper myself I have to say the thought of someone lying beside me snoring would have been driven round the bend. I do also agree with someones point earlier that he really also needs to be aware if hes driving regularly for his job, hes not over the alcohol limit in the morning.

Some employers also have a strict alcohol and drugs policy, go in smelling of drink even from the night before and some employers would send you home and it would be the first step to disciplinary, I know that sounds OTT but my last employer had that written into their contract.

Didnt stop a couple of my colleagues getting sozzled at work, but thats another story altogether.

I actually do know a couple of people who drink exceptional amounts of alcohol, having been in a job for a long time where a very heavy drink culture off shift was the done thing, this might sound ridiculous but what is normal to some people, is totally not normal to others.

I wouldnt drink 20 pints on a day/night out, but I know people who have.

geoffky

Tesco alcoholics....I live near to a express and the amount of women with thier bottles of wines is frightening...If you open a bottle of wine and drink it all on your own more than once a week you have a problem in my book...

paulineb_2

geoffky wrote: »

Tesco alcoholics....I live near to a express and the amount of women with thier bottles of wines is frightening...If you open a bottle of wine and drink it all on your own more than once a week you have a problem in my book...

I dont agree, I know people who drink on their own because they dont live with anyone. Drinking on your own doesnt make you have an alcohol problem. Its the effect that its having on your life thats the problem. Ive known people who didnt drink from fortnight to fortnight or month to month, but when they had money in their pocket they spent it all on drink and ended up out of control.
Compare that to someone who drinks a low alcohol bottle of wine a couple of times a week. Theres so many factors in what is or isnt problem drinking that its very difficult to come up with a definition, it will vary from person to person.

I know people who do live with people and who drink with them more than one night a week.

If someone is in denial and hiding vodka bottles under the sink and its affecting their ability to function day by day, or any kind of alcohol bottles then yes.

But drinking in a pub and drinking too much and drinking out and drinking too much, no difference.

Apart from the fact that when some people go out and drink too much they end up in situations that are risky and yes you could have an accident in the house, but some people end up out, separated from friends, lost all of their money and worse.

And these women with their bottles of wine are matched by men with their cases of beer and cider. Supermarkets sell alcohol very very cheaply and as money is tight for a lot of people, they stay in and drink.

But, those women with those bottles of wine could be buying them to share with people, the same way the men with the cases of cider and lager could be sharing them with people.

You buy a bottle of wine thats 8 or 9 per cent and drink it twice a week, thats around 13 units of alcohol which is still well under the recommended alcohol units for women.

Coconut_2

Thanks to all for ur replies, I needed some perspective because it's only my view and his on this matter and obviously they are so opposed that I'm not sure who's right or wrong anymore.

I told him when I got home today I was a bit worried as it had been 4 bottles this week and he admitted it was a bit too much, he agreed it's all work stress related (a particular difficult project). He also agreed to cut it down to 2 bottles a week, but I feel it's something I'm imposing on him, and I hate that.. I want to think we are both free and mature enough to make our own decisions... so still not sure this is gonna work.

Netwizard

Coconut wrote: »

Hi,

Been thinking for a while about posting this and finally decide to try.. I'm worried about my partner drinking too much, but I don't know how much is too much..

He drinks a bottle of wine by himself (I don't drink), usually twice a week but lately it's been 4 or even 5 nights a week... is this too much? He stresses a lot about work and this seems to help.

I have a history of alcoholics in my family and other alcohol-related problems so I'm specially sensitive, and I don't know if I'be being paranoid.

Any advice..? Am I being paranoid?

Many thanks

It sounds a lot to me! I have only skimmed the thread but have you tried getting low / none alcoholic wine in? Would he even notice?

Maybe its worth a try?

paulineb_2

Low alcoholic wine isnt too bad, non alcoholic wine, sorry to people who like it, tastes disgusting. Be better with a bottle of spring water.

Sometimes its the habit of just having something in a glass that people get into. Ive bought zero per cent beer, which some people wouldnt do, but it tasted fine, to me anyway.

You can get very low alcohol shandies and zero percent beer. Id rather have that than no alcohol wine. Ive tried eisberg and I hated it, the only thing it has in common with wine is the colour and the fact that its liquid.

marisco_2

Netwizard wrote: »

It sounds a lot to me! I have only skimmed the thread but have you tried getting low / none alcoholic wine in? Would he even notice?

Maybe its worth a try?

This is a good idea in theory. He might not notice by taste alone that the wine were low or non alcoholic, though many people can tell the difference. He would probably question things though, as the dulling out effect from drinking this type of alcohol would be different. I would be very wary of trying to fool someone with a drink habit, however well intentioned or wise it may seem. If he doesn't guess what is going on, he may think that he has a better handle on his drinking than is the case and this could have a number of repercussions. What a difficult situation for the OP.

Person_one

Coconut wrote: »

Thanks to all for ur replies, I needed some perspective because it's only my view and his on this matter and obviously they are so opposed that I'm not sure who's right or wrong anymore.

I told him when I got home today I was a bit worried as it had been 4 bottles this week and he admitted it was a bit too much, he agreed it's all work stress related (a particular difficult project). He also agreed to cut it down to 2 bottles a week, but I feel it's something I'm imposing on him, and I hate that.. I want to think we are both free and mature enough to make our own decisions... so still not sure this is gonna work.

I think the best thing to do is to replace the damaging stress reliever with a more positive one. Instead of just dropping the number of bottles, they need to be replaced with something so he isn't just sat there twitching and thinking about the fact that he can't have a glass of wine. Can you think of anything off the top of your head that might do the job? You know him best after all!