Does he drink too much..?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I think it's borderline. If it's twice a week, it's still within government recommendations. Three times a week, still not too bad, but get to six nights and that crosses over into causing health issues.

The giving up for a month stuff means little, really. Plenty of alcoholics will be able to do that. Just to prove they can. And then because they've 'proved there isn't a problem', they'll drink even more after the time is up. Conversely, ask me to not have a drink for a month, I could do it - I didn't drink for years because I was pregnant or looking after small children - but I wouldn't want to and I would be tempted to sneak the odd beer on the quiet - because I'd be feeling forced to do it to stop the nagging.


Personally, I'm not particularly impressed with the idea of a binge being two pints of lager in 24 hours. It doesn't help differentiate between acceptable and damaging levels of consumption and, because it's so low, the whole idea of drinking safely gets lost as a result.

I would be very wobbly were I to drink a whole bottle of 14% red wine. But I'm fine drinking the equivalent in a day when it's a special event or gig, if it's shorts with mixers or lager - you space it out so the liver has metabolised the previous units by the time you have your next drink. And some days even when out, most of us have stuck almost exclusively to chilled water or soft drinks. So, we're not drinking to stupidity or all the time. Alcohol free days are just as likely.

But doing a whole bottle/ten units in a couple of hours? No, not for me.



If he's stressed, going into one over the wine and how it makes you feel bad isn't going to be well received. Try focusing on how you're concerned for him unrelated to the alcohol and see how he responds to that. Is there something he could do other than slump in front of the telly, for example?

And I'd second the suggestion of possibly getting some beer into the fridge if he likes it; I often have the stubbies of 2.7% from the supermarket in the house, and pretty much everybody who comes round is happy to have those, rather than something stronger. If there's a bottle of wine somewhere, it's not as if he's being forced to drink something else; and beer is better in warm weather, anyhow.


It's easy to jump to conclusions when you've got a past history. Sometimes you have to consider whether your reaction is about this situation or your feelings about something else.

pinkshoes

An entire bottle of wine counts as binge drinking.

He's therefore binge drinking 4 or 5 times a week and will also get fat.

Suggest if he's stressed with work, do some exercise instead, and you could join him!

Coconut_2

peachyprice wrote: »

At least he doesn't snore when he drinks, unlike my friends husband, they've built an extension over the detached garage it's that bad.

So sad he'd rather be in a different part of the house to his wife and children than not drink every night.

He does.. I've been using earplugs for months, and also sleeping in the spare room when I get tired of them (and lately when he drinks too, as the snoring is much worse).

Buying beer does not solve the problem.. he would drink all the available cans in the house, all in one night.. he does buy beer when we go on holidays and I lose count of the cans he has in one night.

He's not into sport (I am, I excercise 3/4 times a week), but can't convince him to join me, and I'm tired of pushing.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Coconut wrote: »

He does.. I've been using earplugs for months, and also sleeping in the spare room when I get tired of them (and lately when he drinks too, as the snoring is much worse).

Buying beer does not solve the problem.. he would drink all the available cans in the house, all in one night.. he does buy beer when we go on holidays and I lose count of the cans he has in one night.

He's not into sport (I am, I excercise 3/4 times a week), but can't convince him to join me, and I'm tired of pushing.

And if they're 2.7% stubbies, they're still going to represent less alcohol overall. It isn't essential to buy hundreds at once, just have half a pack in the fridge, then put the other half in for the next night, for example.


If he's been under pressure at work, his wife disapproving when he has some beer (apparently confined to holidays) or wine, tries to count his drinks, she's not sleeping with him and is hassling him to join the gym - what is there that's more attractive than splodging out in front of the telly with a drink?


I've seen plenty of people with alcohol problems, and I've seen plenty of people who didn't have alcohol problems adopting unhealthier habits as a result of not being allowed to drink/being subjected to disapproval (the rare night out and getting absolutely hammered because it's probably not going to happen again/may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb principle in action).

paulineb_2

Coconut wrote: »

He does.. I've been using earplugs for months, and also sleeping in the spare room when I get tired of them (and lately when he drinks too, as the snoring is much worse).

Buying beer does not solve the problem.. he would drink all the available cans in the house, all in one night.. he does buy beer when we go on holidays and I lose count of the cans he has in one night.

He's not into sport (I am, I excercise 3/4 times a week), but can't convince him to join me, and I'm tired of pushing.

Then if he wants alcohol he buys a couple of cans at a time.

Or you buy a couple of cans at a time. Its not necessary for the fridge to be full of alcohol for someone to have a drink or two.

And if you are already relegated to the spare room theres a problem

I agree about the low alcohol beer, 4 small bottles at 2.7 per cent a time is much better than a bottle of wine.

marisco_2

Having a history of alcoholism in your family has made you astute to the signs, of when a persons drinking habits are such that you are justified to have concerns. To me the amount of alcohol your partner is consuming on a regular basis seems too high. Especially so if after only a few hours sleep he will be in control of a car. Depending on his profession he may need to be extremely alert, if working with machinery or in a field which requires precision or carries elements of risk. His current intake may inhibit his abilities to do these things effectively.

We all like to have a social drink now and then, handled sensibly it can be a good way to unwind and relax of an evening. As with everything else though you need to apply a healthy balance to it and treat alcohol with respect. For his own sake your partner needs to look at and address what is causing him to be so stressed at work rather than turning to alcohol to release the pressure. Otherwise he may rely on alcohol more and more and not resolve the underlying issues.

kitrat

Coconut wrote: »

Hi,

Been thinking for a while about posting this and finally decide to try.. I'm worried about my partner drinking too much, but I don't know how much is too much..

He drinks a bottle of wine by himself (I don't drink), usually twice a week but lately it's been 4 or even 5 nights a week... is this too much? He stresses a lot about work and this seems to help.

I have a history of alcoholics in my family and other alcohol-related problems so I'm specially sensitive, and I don't know if I'be being paranoid.

Any advice..? Am I being paranoid?

Many thanks

Sounds like a lot to me! A bit surprised more people aren't expressing shock at this. Perhaps talk to your GP so you can come back to your partner with some facts?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

kitrat wrote: »

Sounds like a lot to me! A bit surprised more people aren't expressing shock at this. Perhaps talk to your GP so you can come back to your partner with some facts?

That'll really improve matters if she goes off to the GP to talk about him and marches back with 'your doctor said...' and a bunch of leaflets about alcoholism.

kitrat

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

That'll really improve matters if she goes off to the GP to talk about him and marches back with 'your doctor said...' and a bunch of leaflets about alcoholism.

I'm not saying she shouldn't consult him first, I'm not aware of how calmly they manage to discuss the matter between them. Just suggesting that she might feel like she can get a more accurate response from someone who actually knows the ins and outs of harm from alcohol than a bunch of random people on the internet.

eamon

Many men will see wine as being a "womans" drink i.e. weaker. What they don't see is how strong wine actually is. Wine has become stronger over the last two decades and is now typically between 12 and 15% alcohol per volume. In most bars beer hovers around 4%. Thus a 750ml bottle of wine could easily be the equivalent of 3-4 pints of standard beer.
I suspect that the OP is right to be a little worried but I can't offer any solutions that don't involve arguments etc.