Problem Neighbour. Thoughts?

toerag33

I have had to deal with something in a similar vein. Neighbour telephoning and being verbally abusive when I was ill. I contacted the council so it was logged each time she phoned. It caused me great distress. I can only echo what others say - log it all - have as much evidence as possible. Try and ignore it. Easier said than done though.

Good luck

coolcait

MentalMinnie wrote: »

So presumably that makes it ok for her to make comments like that about him? Like I said, if he'd been black or Asian, would you still be trying to write off her comments then? She's making a sweeping statement about something and someone she knows nothing about.

Besides, I'm watching out for her now as we're keeping a diary for her behaviour towards us to give to the police and social services if needs be.

Well, for anyone who finds themself in the kind of situation you describe...

The phrase "We don't want his kind of trouble over here" is generally based on prejudice, stereotypes, and potentially racism.

It is unacceptable as it stands.

So, if you are keeping a diary of events, note down that neighbour x said "We don't want his kind of trouble over here", on learning that your husband is from Northern Ireland. That is a factual report of what happened.

If you write down "Neighbour x called my husband a terrorist", that's not a factual report of what happened. It is your interpretation of your neighbour's meaning. That interpretation could be influenced by your knowledge of your husband's background and many other factors. Including an ignorance of the noise levels created by an Orange band

So, keep your reports of events factual.

Then add a bit about how they affected you.

Instead of "She called my husband a terrorist! You'd take it seriously if he was black or Asian!!"

Take a bit more time to spell it out. Something like:

"When neighbour x learned that my husband is from Northern Ireland, she said 'We don't want his kind of trouble over here'. Given the context of the conversation, neighbour x appeared to be suggesting that people from Northern Ireland will bring 'trouble'. I do not believe that it is acceptable to make such sweeping statements about people from any country, race or creed, so I found neighbour x's statement inappropriate, upsetting and unacceptable. I found it particularly distressing to hear, given that it was directed against my husband".

A good rant can be very cathartic.

If you chucking accusations around, facts are better

coolcait

MentalMinnie wrote: »

I genuinely think she's lonely. Both her children live in Australia and haven't spoken to her in 3 years after she fell out with them,

You've only been there since March, presumably this is something you have been told by others
and she doesn't have any visitors. My little old lady next door said she was surprised no one had thrown a brick through her window over the road she been that rude to people over the years.

BiB - if there's one area of consensus on this thread, it revolves around the idea that age doesn't necessarily make people become sweet and nice and lovely - or honest or trustworthy.

This thread contains a lot of things which you have been told by other people - but you're reporting to us as if they were fact.

It's up to you whether or not you take this information in like mince, or take it with a pinch of salt.

Probably best to keep it out of the diary.

Mr_Toad

It sounds to me a lot like dementia.

My mother has it and I can tell you from experience that they don't like change. They get very paranoid and upset/aggressive when things are different, they are also obsessive. In my mothers case there are several obsessions, one that causes discomfort at the moment is that she refuses to have the blinds down or the curtains closed to keep the sun out but they must be shut tight at night. It's making her house unbearable in the current weather!

She sees any change as a conspiracy against her, you just live in hope that the next obsession isn't as bad as the last one.

One more thing, you can't reason with them. You might seem to get through when they are having a lucid moment but they will forget and revert to being awkward.

They aren't diagnosed as demented for nothing.

Sometimes they settle down as the new situation becomes 'normal' sometimes not.

MentalMinnie

Well, after a fairly quiet few days its kicked off this morning. At 4.30ish a car alarm started going off in the street, nothing to do with us. Next thing, there's an almighty banging on the front door. We both run down, thinking someone thinks the car is ours, and there's our problem neighbour!! She launches into a rant to my husband about my music in the car!!I come down and ask her what gives her the right to come over at 4.45am to complain again about something, which she doesn't answer. My husband closes the door on her so she sticks her walking stick through the letter box and continues to shout abuse at us.

I've called the police, they've been to me, I've told them what's been going on, and then they went over to her. We heard some of it as she was going mad at the police on the doorstep as they were leaving. The police have backed us up, the music issue ISN'T an offence. They came back to speak to us, she's told them that they don't know the law, she's right and they're wrong, they've seen a written log she has on us, and it lists EVERYTHING we do, comings goings, where we've been shopping, how many people come and go from our house. The coppers were gobsmacked. They've said she's got a vendetta against us and advised us to contact the council and make our own complaint, and I can use the police visit to corroborate the complaint.

The police have warned her that if she continues they will take things further.

Jesus, I'm shaking in anger right now!

nzmegs

three words : house on market...

You won't win against this woman I am afraid. She is clearly mentally ill. Unless she is carted off to a hospital or similar you will not be left alone. the best that could happen is an injunction, but that will be on the record of the house making it harder to sell in the future.

What a nightmare.

MentalMinnie

nzmegs wrote: »

three words : house on market...

You won't win against this woman I am afraid. She is clearly mentally ill. Unless she is carted off to a hospital or similar you will not be left alone. the best that could happen is an injunction, but that will be on the record of the house making it harder to sell in the future.

What a nightmare.

We rent, so we could move in march when our tenancy is up, but I like this house! We'd like to buy to be honest.

MentalMinnie

The funniest thing was though, when the coppers came back to tell me what had happened, she'd claimed it was illegal to have music/radio playing AT ALL. So she's obviously complaining about the sound, irrespective of whether its loud enough to wake the dead or just loud enough to be heard within the car itself.

MentalMinnie

Think social services is also on the cards. She's said she's very ill and can't cope, which is my fault. If she's that ill then she needs help.

Guest101

What a fruit loop. ye i'd contact social services. in the mean time contact the council, and try get an injunction against the neighbour. if she breaches that she'll be in contempt of court.