Am I going crazy?

Gemma__3

clairec79 wrote: »

They will tell you if anything happens, family (and if you are listed as his next of kin that would be you - are you named as next of kin for his work? my now husband was even before we were married) are always told before any names etc are released to the press.

I am listed as his next of kin and he is listed as mine,

meritaten

Gemma - my OH drives around all day, I do NOT worry he is going to have an accident although theoritally it could happen. before he had this job he worked in the coal mines - and that was much more worrying! but, you cannot burden your oh with YOUR worries! You have to trust that they do their jobs and come home - your worrying is making his job harder if you share that worry. Please hun - see a GP - you really need to talk to someone.

Gemma__3

I am not burdening him though

CustardAndPickles

Gemma_ wrote: »

I am not burdening him though

You've said you can't sleep because you worry
You've said when you do sleep you have nightmares
You say you want to ask him you can come with him on a job
You're covertly getting in touch with his employers to ask what their safety record is like
You might not be explicitly burdening him but you're mistaken if you don't think this level of stress and anxiety isn't affecting your relationship.

You said that you're frightened of being alone and that without your boyfriend it would all fall apart. It suggests that your fear isn't really your boyfriend being hurt or killed (all highly unlikely!), it's that you'll be alone.

People survive the loss of a partner all the time - whether thats through divorce or leaving or death. It is horrible and saddening and lonely but people survive. You need to make some friends that you can turn to and talk to so you are not simply living in a frozen pit of worry whilst your boyfriend is away. Sort out the practicalities such as insurance etc so you can rest easy about finances if the worst happens and then try and get on with living your life while he's away.

To be brutal about it - your boyfriend is a long distance lorry driver. He's not crashed, he works for a modern, well known company in a highly regulated industry - it's not dodgy Dave's Deliveries with no tacho or bald tyres on the lorries. You are going to either need to learn to live with his job, accept that the chance of him being injured whilst at work are slight but yes, there is a possibility, or you will have to get him to change jobs to one where there is no travel involved ever (because you'll simply change your worries to "what if he dies driving to work?"). Which do you think is most likely to happen?

Gemma__3

I know the company he works for have a good rep. they do on here too.

I know they are tough, My boyfriends "ran out of time" and being made to stay. I think if I get a trip in a lorry and see what its like I'll be fine. I just worry. My boyfriend does all the bills, I'd mess it all up. I just don't want to loose him

CustardAndPickles

Gemma_ wrote: »

I know the company he works for have a good rep. they do on here too.

I know they are tough, My boyfriends "ran out of time" and being made to stay. I think if I get a trip in a lorry and see what its like I'll be fine. I just worry. My boyfriend does all the bills, I'd mess it all up. I just don't want to loose him

You mean, the trip in a lorry that realistically you can't do because of health and safety regs? You've already said you know your boyfriend is a good driver, and that "its all the other people out there" on the roads that worry you - so all you're doing is moving your fear of abandonment around. Lets pretend you go on the trip, nothing happens, he goes off by himself, and boom, your brain will start on about how "well, it's different drivers out there today" or "oh, it's different weather" or "oh, it's different roads"....

You need to gain self-confidence and self reliance - get him to show you how he "does all the bills" and learn how not to "mess it all up". That way you can feel less worried how you would cope if anything happened, and from there less worried about anything happening.

Also, consider going to your GP and asking to see a counsellor.

Old_Joe

Without meaning to be callous this thread seems to be going round and round so hope it's not SPAM

Netwizard

Old_Joe wrote: »

Without meaning to be callous this thread seems to be going round and round so hope it's not SPAM

Why would it be spam :think:

marisco_2

Old_Joe wrote: »

Without meaning to be callous this thread seems to be going round and round so hope it's not SPAM

I don't think this thread is spam. The OP clearly feels a very high level of stress and anxiety. Suffering these emotions can make it very difficult for a person to focus and think straight. Talking things through with others and looking at a situation from all perspectives, even if that means going over the same scenarios a few times, can be very helpful to someone feeling as the OP does. I just hope that Gemma is benefitting from all the wonderful advice given to her on here, and that she feels she can apply some of it to help herself work through this difficult time