Am I going crazy?

Gemma__3

We have talked about the marriage thing and decided that we won't be doing that for years yet.

When you can't sleep because of the bad dreams and only the police shows are on its a vicious circle.Will anyone take notice of his phone contacts though

MrsAtobe

Yes they will. Get him to put your phone numbers under an entry called ICE - In Case of Emergency. There was a big push about getting people do this a few years ago.

cod3

Gemma_ wrote: »

We have talked about the marriage thing and decided that we won't be doing that for years yet.

When you can't sleep because of the bad dreams and only the police shows are on its a vicious circle.Will anyone take notice of his phone contacts though

You know this is not true, don't you? These shows would give anyone nightmares. If you are vulnerable, you should actively avoid these shows.

Gemma__3

I try to, but at times they are the only decent programmes that are on.

Netwizard

peachyprice wrote: »

Worst bit of advise in this thread, HGV drivers working for large companies are NOT allowed to take unauthorised passengers in their cabs, her OH will get sacked if they find out.

What self employed drivers choose to do is something else entirely.

Things have obviously changed since I used to go then. The guys who worked in the same company as my dad always used to take their mrs / kids with them. This was about 10 years ago though

CustardAndPickles

Gemma_ wrote: »

I try to, but at times they are the only decent programmes that are on.

As someone with some indepth experience of these shows: they film for months and months and months to make six half hour shows. They show things that happen, but it's an incredibly distorted view.

They are not "the only decent programmes". You are using them to re-enforce your fears - you've seen it on TV so it must be true which leads to it must happen which then makes the illogical jump to...so it'll happen to my boyfriend. Please, just turn the tv off and go read a book or something.

You simply cannot live the way you are living now - its impossible and you will just make yourself ill - both mentally and physically. Your boyfriend's employer really isn't lying when they say that they haven't had a lorry crash - it genuinely doesn't happen that much and lorry crashes that are fatal for the lorry driver even less.

Practical measures: he can't call you all the time, but if your partner has an iPhone you can set up the "Find My iPhone" software on it, and view that from your computer (if he gives you the password) - then you'll be able to see his phone moving. Be warned, however, that sometimes an iPhone cannot connect to the server, and you must ask yourself whether seeing it say "Unable to locate" will actually just make you worse.

Being contacted if something goes wrong: well, I don't know how it works abroad, but here - if the worst happens - the police would obviously contact the next of kin in a personal visit. Next of kin information can come from a variety of sources dependant on the situation - I don't feel it's really appropriate to go into here. However, while telephone numbers in phones and on passports are good, I would personally suggest an ID bracelet / wristband with his details and a contact number for you on. Have a look at "Road ID" online - thats a rubber wrist band (like the charity ones you can get) with a metal bit on where you can have details engraved. I have one with my name, date of birth, address and emergency contact on. The plus side is, it's on the wrist and immediately obvious, and doesn't rely on phones being charged / working / unlocked or someone going through bags.

Long term though, it sounds to me like your "being contacted" concerns is just a displacement, as is your desire to go in a lorry. You know he's a safe driver, because he comes home. If you were to go on a trip with him, it would just show you that the trip you went on was safe - it doesn't get rid of the "what ifs" that you have.

What are you afraid of, really? Is it being abandoned? Is it being alone? Is it "how will I cope?" in a financial and practical sense? If you two have shared finances, make sure you know how to access them online etc, and that you know how to pay the bills. Sort out financial affairs - specifically wills. Then what you're left with is "if the worst happens then at least I know how to make sure I'm not turfed out the house".

I'd personally suggest some good, potentially long term, counselling to get to the root of what is going on. I suspect it's more than just "I'm scared my boyfriend will crash".

Gemma__3

Thank you

I am very scared of being alone, All my family have moved away, My parents live in Spain and without my boyfriend I'd be here in the UK alone. I am scared it would all fall apart.

I know he is a good driver but its the other drivers. He is working all night tonight and I know I am going to be scared.

As for phone, He has the lookout app and I look at his phone on there but I get worried when the phone doesn't move.

He always texts me when he is at the depots or the "hub" (if its called that)

meritaten

Gemma - he is fine! its YOU who isn't. if you keep this up you are going to distract your OH and you don't want that!
you need to understand that your OH knows what he is doing and TRUST him. its difficult if you are here on your own and rely on him. but YOU MUST do this.
first - you must get out and meet people! make friends and have them to help and distract you.
make a life here - for yourself - not connected with your oh. YOU need your own support group.
stop watching those bluddy programmes! honest - they are feeding your fears and you don't need them!

clairec79

They will tell you if anything happens, family (and if you are listed as his next of kin that would be you - are you named as next of kin for his work? my now husband was even before we were married) are always told before any names etc are released to the press.

Gemma__3

I do have friends round here. I met them through the social club at work but I still worry about him.

How do you mean distract him? I don't call him checking up on him I just worry. Although he has called to say he is in Smethwick?? then to Oldbury.

As for a distraction, I am going for a few drinks friday but I know I'll get worried about him. I know he will be fine, just too many maniacs out there