Daughter rant feeling quite raw

Funky_Bold_Ribena

julie8314dave wrote: »

Thank you so much for all the comments on here, i think this has all been blown out of proportion, my daughter who has serious issues comes into work with me for a few hours a week , mainly so i can get her out of the house for a few hours, and so she does not have to be left at home on her own, and all i get is lots of comments about benefit fraud, breaking the law and so on.

I have worked all my life, given everything to my family, and just because i am trying to do whats best for my daughter i get slated, i read so many times on here that people just vent a little and then it ends up with so many people condeming the person, it makes me and probably many others not want to bother with this site anymore.

but thank you to all the kind replys that i have had, and not judgeing me. my daughter will stay at her dads for a while and i will let anyone interested know the outcome.
xx

But that's not going to stand up in court! As a business owner, you should know the law and as a benefit claimant, the rules around benefits. To pretend that you are doing her a favour isn't going to wash it if it comes to it.

I suggest you take the advice given by people on here and pay her minimum wage and put her on the books, or don't use her at all to make up the shortfall. As that's what you are effectively doing.

Savvy_Sue

fashionlover10 wrote: »

I can see how the OPs daughter must feel too having previously worked with my own mum. The only way to make it easier for you both is to treat each other in a employer-employee manner whilst in work. I never called my mum 'Mum' whilst at work as she was my supervisor and it would have been awkward for her and our colleagues. She also treated me the same way she treated everyone else and if I'd done something I shouldn't have she would have told me instead of letting it slide.

Yes, one of my first jobs was in the same dept as my mum, she asked if they needed a temp and I was in. Fortunately she wasn't my supervisor, but we did keep it reasonably professional.

More recently we've had parent and child colleagues where parent was supervising child, but everyone acted professionally, no favouritism was shown and none was suspected.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

julie8314dave wrote: »

Yes the gig thing, we can not make it out, we think she looses herself in the music, just goes with her dad and get taken there and home again and does not have to speak to anyone as the music is so loud,

she does not live in the real world, and thinks that life is about music and gigs.

But. It is.

However, that doesn't take away from the fact that you're quite possibly contributing to keeping her in the same state of learned helplessness as her father.

If she loves music so much, then she could be looking at ways to use that passion into making even a start into the world of work - writing gig reviews online, taking photographs, creating artwork if she's got any ability there, that kind of thing. It makes it easier for many people (and mostly female) when they don't actually have any musical talent themselves to break the ice, as the camera/interview questions can act as a security blanket.

After all, a lot of of musicians are great onstage, but are actually incredibly shy and awkward once the lights go off. They're doing exactly the same, many have mental health issues or disabilities themselves and it's the music that gives them the freedom to enjoy the moment without a thought of the general shitness that life can be.

It wouldn't be too difficult to do just tiny amounts, that could build up into getting known at events, actually speaking to people and becoming accepted as part of the furniture and eventually even becoming a friend.



Perhaps when she's had some time to think about things, you could have a chat about this?

unholyangel

paulineb wrote: »

Personally, having been in that situation, getting 71 pounds a week JSA and getting my rent and council tax paid, part of it as we pay the water charge up here. The last thing I wanted to do was not work.

When you are running a flat and have to pay bills £70 a week doesn't go far. And yes, you get rent paid but you don't see any of that.

And you get a voucher towards the cost of glasses, yes, but that doesn't mean you can afford to buy them.

£70 a week is well below the poverty line. Ive had two 6 month spells of unemployment in the last 3 years and I couldn't have stood much more of it.

Unless someone lives with family and only needs to pay them a contribution to their rent etc, you find that £70 a week doesn't go far.

Gas, electricity, food, money towards my council tax, travel, not a lot left over.

Yes there are people who seem to do ok on benefits but Id argue that people on £70 a week with no other top up, don't sit at home thinking they are better off out of work

Ive always been better off in work than out, apart from when I worked part time for a while, I was then worse off.

But you're not supposed to live in luxury while on benefits. Its supposed to keep you afloat while you get back to work.

I've lived on benefits - for far longer than I would have liked to the point I became clinically depressed. Paid the 25% council tax that isnt covered by benefits, gas, electricity, phone, internet, ran a car (MOT, road tax, insurance, oil changes, new tyres etc), bought glasses (and its impossible for me to select from the lowest priced range - which you can get completely free if you're on JSA etc).

Its hard living on benefits yes, but if it was easy then where would be the incentive for people to work?

Take someone working 40 hours on NMW. After tax, NI you're looking at £222 a week. They'd have to pay the £60 rent and £30 council tax themselves - leaving £132. If unemployed they'd still get £73 a week so that leaves £59 excess - not accounting for expenses associated with working (ie travelling, work clothes etc) they're effectively working for £1.47 an hour. Less once you deduct work expenses or count commuting time.

I'm not saying everyone who is on benefits doesn't want to work. But there are a surprising number of people who put no effort into finding work and are quite happy to do nothing, have their rent etc paid and be given £70 quid on top.

duchy

barba wrote: »

it doesn't sound like shes breaking the law really.

her daughter is just helping out her mum and she gives her some spends separately.

even if its not quite to the rule book its just like doing 72mph on the motorway or putting your bin out on the wrong day. no big issue

Well you may think it's "no big issue" however when the OP's daughter has her benefits sanctioned for breaking the law and the OP has the tax man investigating her...... I don't think the fact that you think "It's not really breaking the law" will be much consolation to them !

paulineb_2

unholyangel wrote: »

But you're not supposed to live in luxury while on benefits. Its supposed to keep you afloat while you get back to work.

I've lived on benefits - for far longer than I would have liked to the point I became clinically depressed. Paid the 25% council tax that isnt covered by benefits, gas, electricity, phone, internet, ran a car (MOT, road tax, insurance, oil changes, new tyres etc), bought glasses (and its impossible for me to select from the lowest priced range - which you can get completely free if you're on JSA etc).

Its hard living on benefits yes, but if it was easy then where would be the incentive for people to work?

Take someone working 40 hours on NMW. After tax, NI you're looking at £222 a week. They'd have to pay the £60 rent and £30 council tax themselves - leaving £132. If unemployed they'd still get £73 a week so that leaves £59 excess - not accounting for expenses associated with working (ie travelling, work clothes etc) they're effectively working for £1.47 an hour. Less once you deduct work expenses or count commuting time.

I'm not saying everyone who is on benefits doesn't want to work. But there are a surprising number of people who put no effort into finding work and are quite happy to do nothing, have their rent etc paid and be given £70 quid on top.

I wouldn't expect to live in luxury, but some people on benefits do very very well, less likely to be single people with no kids though.

Some people on NMW get WTC as well, my brother works for a large gym chain and does 35 hours a week and the pay isn't great and until the WTC rules changed he did get WTC and some people on JSA depending on where they live in the UK don't get their entire rent paid. Particularly if they private rent in a location where housing is expensive

Ive worked full time, been on JSA and worked part time and I was always better of in full time work. I was worse off in part time work than I would have been on JSA because I had to pay rent and travel and I also didn't get my NI stamp paid

Also, in some areas there are little jobs. If I hadn't been self employed, then gone to work part time and then self employed Id still be on the dole now and I have a lot of work experience and professional qualifications.

Everyones experiences will be different. And depending on where people are in the UK, utility bills might vary, such as people in the north will probably use more heating than those in the south. Id always rather be in work, because for me signing on was a soul destroying experience and I found it difficult to live on JSA and my budgeting skills aren't poor, neither do I live an extravagant lifestyle.

olibrofiz

IMO it appears that OP is trying to help her DD, regardless of her age, develop confidence etc, etc. By getting her out of bed and taking her along to her shop to do some washing up/behind the scenes stuff she is helping her to cope in society rather than leave her vegetating in her room.

The £50pw is 'spends' - for helping out, so she has a little independance, not necessarily 'wages'. My DD (18 now) was always wanting money for this and that & it drove me mad, now I give her £30pw. She is clear that money is for her to pay for her lunch, snax, entertainment for the week. The ratio varies each week, but she no longer pesters me for cash as she knows the £30 is all she's going to get. She also has jobs to do in the house.

OP your DD will prob realise what she's missing and may ask to come back. When she does I'd spell it out to her what you expect, and what the £50 is for - helping out (pleasantly) XX no of hours, her to buy her own XYZ. And if that's not done, the amount reduces accordingly

My mum gives me the odd tenner for helping her out, taking her to the garden centre/shopping/digging over her garden - she is EXTREMELY insistent and will not accept a NO. Should I be telling the tax man I'm getting an extra XXX no amount of £££ per year?

Mojisola

olibrofiz wrote: »

IMO it appears that OP is trying to help her DD, regardless of her age, develop confidence etc, etc. By getting her out of bed and taking her along to her shop to do some washing up/behind the scenes stuff she is helping her to cope in society rather than leave her vegetating in her room.

The £50pw is 'spends' - for helping out, so she has a little independance, not necessarily 'wages'.

The intention was clearly good but that doesn't change the fact that it won't be seen like that by the authorities!

terryw

olibrofiz wrote: »

IMO it appears that OP is trying to help her DD, regardless of her age, develop confidence etc, etc. By getting her out of bed and taking her along to her shop to do some washing up/behind the scenes stuff she is helping her to cope in society rather than leave her vegetating in her room.

The £50pw is 'spends' - for helping out, so she has a little independance, not necessarily 'wages'. My DD (18 now) was always wanting money for this and that & it drove me mad, now I give her £30pw. She is clear that money is for her to pay for her lunch, snax, entertainment for the week. The ratio varies each week, but she no longer pesters me for cash as she knows the £30 is all she's going to get. She also has jobs to do in the house.

OP your DD will prob realise what she's missing and may ask to come back. When she does I'd spell it out to her what you expect, and what the £50 is for - helping out (pleasantly) XX no of hours, her to buy her own XYZ. And if that's not done, the amount reduces accordingly

My mum gives me the odd tenner for helping her out, taking her to the garden centre/shopping/digging over her garden - she is EXTREMELY insistent and will not accept a NO. Should I be telling the tax man I'm getting an extra XXX no amount of £££ per year?

A difficult moral one to answer in your case. The amount involved is trivial, but yes (on a technicality) you should be declaring this to the tax and (if applicable) the benefit people. Where do we draw the line?

I can't help but feel that the situation for the OP's daughter is different. ESA and working for £50 a week in a business. Hmm.

meritaten

julie8314dave wrote: »

Thank you so much for all the comments on here, i think this has all been blown out of proportion, my daughter who has serious issues comes into work with me for a few hours a week , mainly so i can get her out of the house for a few hours, and so she does not have to be left at home on her own, and all i get is lots of comments about benefit fraud, breaking the law and so on.

I have worked all my life, given everything to my family, and just because i am trying to do whats best for my daughter i get slated, i read so many times on here that people just vent a little and then it ends up with so many people condeming the person, it makes me and probably many others not want to bother with this site anymore.

but thank you to all the kind replys that i have had, and not judgeing me. my daughter will stay at her dads for a while and i will let anyone interested know the outcome.
xx

your daughter has issues beyond being depressed doesn't she? she also has issues with rules and authority. I STILL say you have done the right thing - she does need a reality check and tbh you haven't thrown her out on the streets, she isn't penniless and starving - she is safe and well! she may get bored - but is that YOUR problem? I think she is better off than a great many youngsters and HER problem is she seems to feel 'hard done by'!