Daughter rant feeling quite raw

barba

it doesn't sound like shes breaking the law really.

her daughter is just helping out her mum and she gives her some spends separately.

even if its not quite to the rule book its just like doing 72mph on the motorway or putting your bin out on the wrong day. no big issue

meritaten

oh dear - I feel for you! I think you have done the right thing, your DD needs a 'reality check'! when I think of the jobless youngsters out there who really NEED work and would work their socks off just to have what your DD denigrates!!!!!!!!!!! can't you get someone like that in on a temp basis to cover holidays?

geoffky

At 22 i had been involved in two wars....She needs to grow up..And you can help her along by treating her as an adult.

Yorkie1

barba wrote: »

it doesn't sound like shes breaking the law really.

her daughter is just helping out her mum and she gives her some spends separately.

even if its not quite to the rule book its just like doing 72mph on the motorway or putting your bin out on the wrong day. no big issue

The daughter IS breaking the law, though, by failing to declare her working activities. Benefit fraud is taken really seriously.

paulineb_2

barba wrote: »

it doesn't sound like shes breaking the law really.

her daughter is just helping out her mum and she gives her some spends separately.

even if its not quite to the rule book its just like doing 72mph on the motorway or putting your bin out on the wrong day. no big issue

Shes on ESA, which people get if they are generally not fit to work and even if someone is on JSA, if you do volunteer work, you have to declare it

When I did voluntary work for the red cross when I was unemployed I had to fill in a form telling them exactly the hours I was working.

There are no grey areas here. You claim benefit and you do work, even if its unpaid, the DWP have to know about it

It would be a big issue if the DWP finds out. If its all above board, what on earth is the issue declaring it?

paulineb_2

geoffky wrote: »

At 22 i had been involved in two wars....She needs to grow up..And you can help her along by treating her as an adult.

With respect, if someone is suffering from depression which it sounds like this girl is, the words grow up, wont have much impact.

paulineb_2

You know, as someone who has suffered from anxiety and stress in the past and struggled through it, it really pains me to see posts saying that the daughter needs to do this or needs to do that. It can be a monumental effort to get out of bed, never mind do anything else and Im fine now but Ive been there and the last thing I am is lazy, I have a very strong work ethic

Telling someone that they should be grateful because other people would be happy for the job isnt going to solve anything in my view

If shes not up to the job, let her go and find someone else who is, it might be the best thing for her and it might be the best thing for the business

Someone who goes on holiday and sits in a room the entire time clearly has issues and people wonder why shes not coping in the job?

julie8314dave

Thank you so much for all the comments on here, i think this has all been blown out of proportion, my daughter who has serious issues comes into work with me for a few hours a week , mainly so i can get her out of the house for a few hours, and so she does not have to be left at home on her own, and all i get is lots of comments about benefit fraud, breaking the law and so on.

I have worked all my life, given everything to my family, and just because i am trying to do whats best for my daughter i get slated, i read so many times on here that people just vent a little and then it ends up with so many people condeming the person, it makes me and probably many others not want to bother with this site anymore.

but thank you to all the kind replys that i have had, and not judgeing me. my daughter will stay at her dads for a while and i will let anyone interested know the outcome.
xx

System

I can understand the nail varnish issue, i work in that environment and am not allowed nail varnish etc. I also have to take out my lip piercing and have my (dyed-purple-pink+turquoise ) hair under a hairnet/hat. To be honest it doesn't bother me. I'm still me, i just have to tone it down for work :rotfl: That said there are people at work who have visable tattoos so maybe my workplace isn't the best example... either way that request does not seem unreasonable for 22 year old.

The work (voluntary or paid) DOES need to be declared. Before i signed off esa i was doing 10 hours pw permitted work (only lasted a month but yeah..) it will cause less problems if its all above bored.

I do understand her in a way using music as an escape. I used to go to gigs now and then, if my anxiety wasn't too crippeling at the time. Personally i found doing a night class one night a week was really good for my confidence and self esteem. Maybe your daughter could consider that, some are subsidised when you're on certain benefits.

paulineb_2

julie8314dave wrote: »

Thank you so much for all the comments on here, i think this has all been blown out of proportion, my daughter who has serious issues comes into work with me for a few hours a week , mainly so i can get her out of the house for a few hours, and so she does not have to be left at home on her own, and all i get is lots of comments about benefit fraud, breaking the law and so on.

I have worked all my life, given everything to my family, and just because i am trying to do whats best for my daughter i get slated, i read so many times on here that people just vent a little and then it ends up with so many people condeming the person, it makes me and probably many others not want to bother with this site anymore.

but thank you to all the kind replys that i have had, and not judgeing me. my daughter will stay at her dads for a while and i will let anyone interested know the outcome.
xx

You arent being slated, some people are trying to give you good advice and Im afraid if you start a thread you need to realise as Im sure you do, you'll get posts you agree with and ones you dont

All you need to do is get her to declare that shes volunteering with you part time and any stress about her benefits is lifted. I know what I would do in that circumstance.