Just need to get this all of my chest

paulineb_2

I think you need to try and talk things over with your husband. You've said that you cant talk to anyone about how you are feeling, can you talk to him?

You may be suffering from a low mood because your wedding is done and dusted, theres been more than a few posts the same lately.

I suffer from insomnia and I can identify how tough it is to sleep and how that affects your motivation and yes Ive been in times where I haven't been on top of tidying either.

You might find that if you get the insomnia dealt with other things might start to fall into place.

My GP rarely prescribes anti depressants, Ive had two lots in about 15 years. Citalopram didn't really work for me, but about 8 months or so ago I went through a very stressful time, last year was pretty hellish all round, I got prescribed mitrazepine, Ive probably spelled that wrong but google will bring it up.

I was on that for 6 months, it sorted out my insomnia and I stopped taking them about 3 months ago, my sleep pattern is fine.

Im not someone who naturally socialises much either. I used to, but I lost confidence and its only in the last 8 months or so Ive started going out regularly again and Ive had to force myself to do that, but Ive done it.

Im a member of a few meet up groups. It gets me out. Im meeting people who know nothing about me and what they know is what I choose to tell them.

And if there are weekends where I want to stay in that's exactly what I do.

I do think you should see your GP but I also think you need to consider talking this over with your husband.

Also, I agree with the poster who said, get out and about to visit friends and family. You can get cheap rail tickets.

The bottom line is, you can make changes, but theres no magic wand, at some point you'll have to put some effort in and it is tough, Ive been there more than once.

But theres an alternative to sitting in the house every night and it doesn't need to cost a lot of money either.

dancingfairy

A few thoughts from me:
I definitely agree that you sound like you are very depressed. You need to go and see your doctor. Don't let them fob you off with pills but ask for a talking therapy as well. Therapists and medication are both a matter of trial and error, we are not all the same and some people respond better to one form of treatment than another.
There are some things you can do for yourself though:
1) try and get out and about and walk your dogs etc. Even though you are shattered and feel like crying/rubbish you should feel better for having done it and accomplished something. You probably can't think of anything worse but it really does help (especially in the summer I think with the sunshine).
2) relaxation - how about taking up yoga or pilates or meditation? they are not quick fixes but they build up over time and you sort of train your body to relax (which will help with the sleeping)
3) try and plan a few things to do each day - something productive and something enjoyable. Maybe you can watch a favourite tv show, have a nice chilled bath, listen to your favourite music, have a glass of wine (if it doesn't make you feel worse) or something else for a little lift.


Mind used to have lots of helpful guides on depression and anxiety and I found the book managing depression by Philip Barker and Manage your Mind (Butler and Hope) to be really helpful. Other people have found stuff by Dorothy Rowe useful as well.
Small steps and you'll get there. Remember a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
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barbarawright

Is there a particular reason why you can't live nearer your husband's work? It doesn't sound as if you are very attached to where you live at the moment?

Toto

Could you rent your house out to cover the mortgage? Then move to be closer to him? seriously examine your budget to see where you can make cuts to make a move happen.

jellie

Faith177 wrote: »

I wouldn't even been surprised if OH was ever to divorce me as I know he could do better than me I'm nothing special

According to your sig, you met 5 years ago. Since then, he chose to move in with you, chose to get engaged to you and chose to marry you.

He didn't have to do all these things, so he does think you're special, and I'm sure he would prefer to know how you are feeling so he can support you.

Hope your GP gives you the help you need.

Faith177

Toto wrote: »

Could you rent your house out to cover the mortgage? Then move to be closer to him? seriously examine your budget to see where you can make cuts to make a move happen.

The house isn't in the position to rent at the moment it's very dated and needs a lot of work doing to it at the moment I probably wouldn't get enough to cover the mortgage and pay my bills for a few months incase I couldn't get work.

I wouldn't be able to rent anywhere near OH because of the amount of animals we have. There is a flat above the pub but OH shares that with his deputy manager and a few others so there would be no space for me plus there is no privacy as the main door to the flat is next to the office in the pub.

Also OH would still be working as much as is now so I would only see him when the pub closed so I would still be on my own most of the time

Jessie11

All I can add is please please talk to your partner. It really does help.

alias*alibi

Faith177 wrote: »

Getting to the point now where I don't know how much longer I can go on for

Why can't I be normal what's wrong with me!

I'm sick of my life I'm in a rut that I just can't seem to pull myself out of it and its bringing me further and further down and I hate it.

I feel lonely all the time I don't seem to have many if any friends.

I go home every night to an empty house which to be totally honest is a mess most of the time. I just can't seem to summon up the strength to stay on top of all the things that need doing.

I just feel like everything is going wrong all the time and I stumble from one crisis to another.

I am always tired and find sleeping difficult.

I try to improve myself but just can't seem to stick at it. I feel like everyone looks down at me so I just keep myself to myself.

I'm paranoid all the time and worry if someone knocks on my door in case it is someone who wants to moan at me about something.

I just want to shut myself away as I think people would be better off without me pretty much all the time.

I just hate myself so much at times but I can't seem to pull myself out of it.

Sorry for the long post but I just had to get this out and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it.

Sounds exactly the same as me; I've been signed off work for the last 2 weeks and have just been signed off for a other 2. I too feel the same as you except I've got a child and been having thoughts of 'what's the point in being here anymore'. How old are you? I'm wondering if mine is as much midlife crisis as well as stress and depression. Can't help much; I'm on anti-d's which do help somewhat.

Faith177

alias*alibi wrote: »

Sounds exactly the same as me; I've been signed off work for the last 2 weeks and have just been signed off for a other 2. I too feel the same as you except I've got a child and been having thoughts of 'what's the point in being here anymore'. How old are you? I'm wondering if mine is as much midlife crisis as well as stress and depression. Can't help much; I'm on anti-d's which do help somewhat.

I turned 27 in March.

Just sick of feeling like this

geoffky

You need to talk to him...There has to be a way because you are strangers to each other at the moment.