i found hidden drugs

Pee

You do need to talk.

Why is he hiding it from you? Is this really a deal breaker for you? If he was using coke or speed six times a year and was open and honest with you about it would you still have an issue with that?

There may be lots of other factors that affect how you would feel about this, your past drug use, experiences with other people, whether you have children who could have found this.

I can't cope with any lies or deceit. That's a deal breaker for me. In the past I was in a serious relationship with a heroin addict but actually it was his drink problem that probably caused the most arguments and hassle. I appreciate that the two were related.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who was zero tolerance about drugs anymore than I would want to be with someone who was zero tolerance about alcohol, but there may be reasons for this that I could understand and based on the relationship as a whole I might stick with them.

You need to know how he feels and where you can both find your common ground, if there is any.

If it's not something he has ever suggested using with you it may be a sign of an affair, but talk about it. That is the only way to know.

Pee

If he only used it now and again, he wouldn't act like a druggie. Just like someone who drinks now and again wouldn't act like an alcoholic.

That said why would anyone look after something illegal for someone else?

Mojisola

mrs_angry wrote: »

I stayed with him after his affair, now I feel like hes a liar all over again!!!!

I think the writing's on the wall.

He's lucky that you didn't take his bag and the drugs to the police station!

johannalf88

I would report it to the police, no matter who it was. I have no tolerance for that kind if thing, especially if it is the SECOND time.

Idiophreak

mrs_angry wrote: »

obviously I thought it could be coke or speed? not sure how I would test that theory though.

Sure the police would be able to give you a good idea which it is.

To be blunt...the guy's a cheat, a liar and a user...shop him to the coppers then try and find someone a little better to spend your life with.

mrs_angry

my experience with drugs is that they ruin peoples lives, that's why I opt not to use them.
I cant believe he is an addict but then again like I said what do I know?
since the affair I have obviously wanted him to be open and honest about things, he is the sort of man who does not talk and would get angry if he found out I had found the drugs, so im not sure I would actually get any answers.
this is what hurts, we have been together for 20 years, just had our 10 year wedding anniversary on Friday and still I don't feel like he is a man I know.
he knows if he told me he took it recreationally I wouldn't really be overly bothered, upset yes and yes we would have a big talk on it but it wouldn't be a marriage breaker, the fact he is keeping it hidden from me is what really pains me! because if he is keeping this secret what other things don't I know, feel a bit stupid.
I thought we told each other everything, I thought I knew him and now im in pain knowing I don't know him at all.

sassyblue

mrs_angry wrote: »

part of me wants to confront him, which I know will end in huge arguments,

Because he'd be defensive and try to blame you for everything?

Says it all!

pigpen

I would drop it in at the local police station.. and him too.

If he isn't using it.. he is supplying it.. that is worse!

zzzLazyDaisy

Idiophreak wrote: »

To be blunt...the guy's a cheat, a liar and a user........... try and find someone a little better to spend your life with.

This^^^^

After the first time you understandably felt that he, and your marriage, deserved a second chance. Whether you go to to the police or not (might be pointless now you have got rid of the stuff?) you certainly need to consider whether you want to continue living with someone who is so dishonest.

mrs_angry

sassyblue wrote: »

Because he'd be defensive and try to blame you for everything?

Says it all!

yes I suppose it does, he never spoke to me about it before and I never pushed him over it, because I was dealing with the affair and I was a mess, now im stronger.
but in saying that when I found the drugs I went back 15 months and im a mess again.
I do love him but im at a loss as to how to resolve this issue when im still trying to deal with the other issue.
ive always just took the fact he didn't want to talk or got angry about things as being his way of dealing with things, he says hes just not a talker.
and so here I am our relationship has been going well with the ups and downs anyone would expect and now this, so I suppose part of me is worried to bring it up, but I know its going to eat away at me if I don't.
and yes we have kids at home, so that's also an issue