Opinion on leaving 13 yr old and 9 yr old home alone while working 9-5?

FBaby

poet123 wrote: »

Well done, though what relevance it has to the subject matter I am not sure. Unless you are contending that your self confidence and self confidence in general stems only from being allowed/made/encouraged to do things beyond your years?

The relevance was to provide an example that parents being physically close by doesn't mean they are forcibly aware of what is going on with their children.

Interesting that you didn't do as your daughter said she would do under the same circumstances....yet you have no doubt that she would do it, with less support available.

I didn't because initially, I was very flattered by the attention. I was massively attracted to him, I enjoyed the flirting. It's only when it became clear that the next stage would become compromising that I reacted. Totally different context to being touched by a complete stranger.

poet123

FBaby wrote: »

The relevance was to provide an example that parents being physically close by doesn't mean they are forcibly aware of what is going on with their children.

Surely it is irrelevant to mention something that you chose to ignore when referencing something untoward happening to your unaccompanied child?

FBaby wrote: »

I didn't because initially, I was very flattered by the attention. I was massively attracted to him, I enjoyed the flirting. It's only when it became clear that the next stage would become compromising that I reacted. Totally different context to being touched by a complete stranger.

Agreed, so why mention it? Straw man?

FBaby

valk_scot wrote: »

I know it's not right for a married (?) older man to be making advances like this to a much younger girl that he's possibly know since she was a lot younger and taking advantage of her inexperience, but to be fair, how does that make him a pervert? You were seventeen, that's a year over the age of consent in this country. It's perfectly legal for a 40+ year old man to go out with a 17 year old girl, have sex, get married, be very happy together. People may be a bit uncomfortable with the age difference but that doesn't make him a pervert.

Yes, that's true, although when I confessed to my family what had happened, my sister who was 4 years younger than me (so about 13 at the time) said that once she was staying over (with her best friend), she got up in the night to go to the toilet and he was there stark naked in front of her and didn't try to hide it at all when he started a conversation. Saying that, he thankfully never tried anything with her (even though she was much better looking than I!).

FBaby

poet123 wrote: »

Surely it is irrelevant to mention something that you chose to ignore when referencing something untoward happening to your unaccompanied child?





Agreed, so why mention it? Straw man?

I think we are going to start going around circles again as previously as won't say after this, but just to say that if I mentioned this event, it was only to explain why from my perspective, your children ARE always at risk from predators (and the consequences of it), even when you as parents think you are protecting them by their presence.

poet123

FBaby wrote: »

I think we are going to start going around circles again as previously as won't say after this, but just to say that if I mentioned this event, it was only to explain why from my perspective, your children ARE always at risk from predators (and the consequences of it), even when you as parents think you are protecting them by their presence.

Sorry, but that won't wash.

They may always be at risk (although I think you have focused on the predator issue when their are other issues that could arise from blithely waving a child off at departures!) but no reasonable person would agree that they are as much at risk with you present than without. Expediency might allow you to lean that way but it is not reality.

kezzygirl

Janey3 wrote: »

Shocking? People do what they have to do to keep a roof over their head and food in their bellies.

I am quite aware as to why she is doing it. I am looking at it from the kids perspective-being alone,bored for 6 whole weeks with nothing to do.

I know this because I would come home every night from school (at age 11) to an empty house.sometimes mum wouldn't get home until 11pm and so I would have to find myself something to eat, which would usually be a chocolate bar after school and then nothing until breakfast.Cue mild eating disorder for years and a very lonely and isolated childhood because all my mum was worried about was 'keeping a roof over my head and food in my bellies'. I would rather have scraped by and had my mum than 'eaten' and not had her.

So excuse me if I do appear to be whatever it is other posters have called me....personally I couldn't give a s*/t.

balletshoes

kezzygirl wrote: »

I am quite aware as to why she is doing it. I am looking at it from the kids perspective-being alone,bored for 6 whole weeks with nothing to do.

I know this because I would come home every night from school (at age 11) to an empty house.sometimes mum wouldn't get home until 11pm and so I would have to find myself something to eat, which would usually be a chocolate bar after school and then nothing until breakfast.Cue mild eating disorder for years and a very lonely and isolated childhood because all my mum was worried about was 'keeping a roof over my head and food in my bellies'. I would rather have scraped by and had my mum than 'eaten' and not had her.

So excuse me if I do appear to be whatever it is other posters have called me....personally I couldn't give a s*/t.

kezzygirl, the OP has updated the thread - she is working 4 mornings a week, for 4 hours.

angelil

kezzygirl wrote: »

I am quite aware as to why she is doing it. I am looking at it from the kids perspective-being alone,bored for 6 whole weeks with nothing to do.

I know this because I would come home every night from school (at age 11) to an empty house.sometimes mum wouldn't get home until 11pm and so I would have to find myself something to eat, which would usually be a chocolate bar after school and then nothing until breakfast.Cue mild eating disorder for years and a very lonely and isolated childhood because all my mum was worried about was 'keeping a roof over my head and food in my bellies'. I would rather have scraped by and had my mum than 'eaten' and not had her.

So excuse me if I do appear to be whatever it is other posters have called me....personally I couldn't give a s*/t.

I'm sorry for what happened to you, but it comes down to your parents not providing for you (e.g. meal ready for you to reheat when you came in). The OP doesn't come across like that AT ALL and there's no reason why being left alone should automatically equate to danger and eating disorders.

kezzygirl

Yes I saw she had updated and I am glad there has been a decision made which is better for her. I replied in that manner because I have only just seen replies regarding my first post on this thread.

I understand completely that being left alone doesn't correlate with the prevelance of eating disorder and danger...I was simply stating that it did with me to explain as to why I responded the way I did in my first post...ie. an issue close to my heart.

either way,I am glad an agreement has been reached

thorsoak

kezzygirl wrote: »

I am quite aware as to why she is doing it. I am looking at it from the kids perspective-being alone,bored for 6 whole weeks with nothing to do.

I know this because I would come home every night from school (at age 11) to an empty house.sometimes mum wouldn't get home until 11pm and so I would have to find myself something to eat, which would usually be a chocolate bar after school and then nothing until breakfast.Cue mild eating disorder for years and a very lonely and isolated childhood because all my mum was worried about was 'keeping a roof over my head and food in my bellies'. I would rather have scraped by and had my mum than 'eaten' and not had her.

So excuse me if I do appear to be whatever it is other posters have called me....personally I couldn't give a s*/t.

Why all this concern about children being bored for 6 weeks? Being bored is the stepping stone to a child using his/her own imagination and learning! As long as they are not left in a sterile environment, surely an intelligent child - and I am using this description deliberately, no-one would leave a child with learning difficulties on their own - will be able to widen his/her experiences - reading, painting, sewing, making things etc etc etc - which is what we did as children in the 1950s. In the 1970s/80s this is what my children did too - they also had tv (4 channels!) and started to try and build their own computers etc and the start of dungeons & dragons role playing books..

Is the increasing use of electronic equipment/tv really lessening childrens' imaginations and initiatives? If so, is this really progress?