Opinion on leaving 13 yr old and 9 yr old home alone while working 9-5?

balletshoes

FBaby wrote: »

The more I speak to parents with older teenagers, the more I am convinced we are doing more damage than good by believing that their sense of maturity can't be trusted.
The last one was my parents telling me about close friends who are tearing their hair out because their 18 yo doesn't want to come on holiday with them and they don't trust him staying alone at home a week because of what he could be up to. Really???

The other day, it was a friend telling me that she couldn't meet with me as planned because she was taking her 20 yo to a job interview. When I asked where it was, assuming it was miles away, I was speechless when she said it was only a couple of miles away but her daughter didn't want the stress of getting on a bus or walking before getting there.

Then there was another friend who refused to allow her 16 yo to meet up with her dad in Spain because she didn't want to fly on her own.... My 13 year old is travelling on her own to France and back this summer, on BA or AF, children can fly without a chaperone from the age of 12. What a joke at 16???

But I believe that's what happens when we are made to believe that children under the age of 12 shouldn't be left home alone even for a few minutes.

I agree too FB - however, the bit about the not trusting the 18-year old in the house alone while the parents are on holiday - thats a dilemma as old as the hills surely?
One of my friends at work is the same, she has a 18-year old and a 16-year old - would be perfectly happy to leave both of them at home while she holidays with her husband - but she won't, because she doesn't trust the 16-year olds circle of friends, and she knows her 18-year old would just call the police on the lot of them if they got out of control, which would then cause ructions between the siblings . I see her point.

FBaby

WantToBeSE wrote: »

The thing is, children are not going to have any confidence in their ability if parents don't trust them.

I think that sums it all. Confidence is the most valuable trait a parent can teach their children. Confidence is what makes you get things where others, with the same level of skills will fail. The only way to get confidence is to push your abilities and take that next step. Of course it is essential to remain as safe as can be, but you can't gain confidence without throwing yourself into the unknown.

My DD is quite naturally confident. She is quite daring and not afraid to challenge herself. However, my DS is the opposite. He naturally seek safety and used to lack confidence as a toddler and in his early primary school years, but I have made sure to encourage him to believe in his ability. He became another child when he started a new school without his sister around. He fought his anxieties and has done brilliantly. When he started taking the bus on his own, he was so proud of himself, it was a joy to see how
happy it made him feel.

There has been a lot of debate about this whole subject, but I remain completely convinced that pushing the boundaries of safety by just a tiny step is worth it when it results in a huge leap in your child's confidence.

FBaby

balletshoes wrote: »

but she won't, because she doesn't trust the 16-year olds circle of friends, and she knows her 18-year old would just call the police on the lot of them if they got out of control, which would then cause ructions between the siblings . I see her point.

What I don't understand is why the parents would not consider doing it because of worry of ructions between the siblings. Surely it would need to be made clear to the 16yo that it is the parents who would be expecting the 18yo to call the police if a party was to get out of control.

I do agree though that this is not a new trend, but still one I can't comprehend. If I thought my kids were likely to throw a party whilst away, when clearly told that it was out of the question and warning them that if it did happen and that resulted in trouble, they would have to find somewhere else to live, I would certainly feel that I failed in bringing them up somewhere.

allisoninredditch

no deff not

Spendless

FBaby wrote: »

Then there was another friend who refused to allow her 16 yo to meet up with her dad in Spain because she didn't want to fly on her own.... My 13 year old is travelling on her own to France and back this summer, on BA or AF, children can fly without a chaperone from the age of 12. What a joke at 16???

A few years back we had a family friend's 16yo stay for a few weeks from Canada. My next door neighbour told me at the time that she would no way allow her own 16yo to do that. He was put on the plane, as far as she could get by his Mum and picked up at the other side -as far as you are able to by my husband. It was a straight through flight. I said it wasn't as though he could get off at the wrong stop???

True_Blue_3

I think 6 weeks of being constrained in the house would be enough to bore any child. I remember when it was the summer holidays my parents would send us to summer activity centres. Not every day, but it meant we had a bit of variety over the summer holidays and weren't stuck in when our parents were working.

True_Blue_3

Spendless wrote: »

A few years back we had a family friend's 16yo stay for a few weeks from Canada. My next door neighbour told me at the time that she would no way allow her own 16yo to do that. He was put on the plane, as far as she could get by his Mum and picked up at the other side -as far as you are able to by my husband. It was a straight through flight. I said it wasn't as though he could get off at the wrong stop???

That sounds reasonable. We used to have foreign students stay aged 14-15 come from Malaysia, Japan etc. They managed to fly around the world at that age. I think if you 'mommycoddle' a child then they don't mature as quick. Its very important for a child to learn responsibility at a young age and not rely on their parents.

Sunshinemummy

It is hard to balance work and children and sometimes mums have to make difficult decisions. But you need to make informed ones as well.

Legally, the law does not give a minimum age for a child to be left home alone, the onus is on the parent to make an informed assessment in relation to the maturity/safety ect. If something goes wrong it is the parents responsibility.

Child Protection, the NSPCC guidelines are that a young person should be 16 years of age before they are left home alone. All Children Services adopt these guidelines.

There are many parents who have made well thought out decisions, but when something does wrong the parent ends up with a charge of child neglect or child cruelty, or their child removed from their care either short term or long term.

Good luck

valk_scot

Sunshinemummy wrote: »

Child Protection, the NSPCC guidelines are that a young person should be 16 years of age before they are left home alone. All Children Services adopt these guidelines.

Actually, the over-16 guideline is for leaving children alone overnight. Between the ages of 12 and 16 NSPCC recommends that you think very carefully about such factors as maturity of the child, potential risks to do with your particular set of circumstances and the length of time the child is left. But they do not say You Should Not....

I doubt that many folk would think twice about leaving a responsible 15 year old alone for fifteen minutes while they went to pick up a younger sibling from football, for example. Leaving a 12 year old at home for an entire day with no adult contact in case of emergencies is a little different.

I have a very responsible 16 year old btw and I still would hesitate before leaving him alone overnight. Not because I think he'd get up to anything btw, or because I think our home and area is dangerous, but because I don't think he'd like it very much. I'd do it in an emergency or if I really had to, I'd not do it for a frivolous reason. Yet I'm not a helicopter parent, I'd put him on a flight on his own and I've let him go off camping with a group of similar aged friends for a weekend.

Cazza

Regarding babysitting courses, these are available in the UK - they've been running for some years as I remember my sister doing one when she was 13 or 14 - she's 30 this year.

Details here from the Red Cross http://www.redcross.org.uk/What-we-do/Teaching-resources/Teaching-packages/Babysitting
The courses in our area were run at a local school in the early evening, via the Adult Education centre - and this was / is still a rural area.