Awful neighbours keep asking us around to barbeques and similar.

Lou67

Bit long: sorry.......

OK, so we have THE most awful neighbours; luckily, we are not joined on to them, so we don't have their noise when they're in the house, but when it's not raining, the mom shoves her 4 kids outside, bouncing up and down on the trampoline, on their swings, and on the playhouse her partner made for them, and they are so so so LOUD! My husband works nights and prays for rain as they often wake him. Every waking hour, she screams at them, yells at her partner (when he's there,) and threatens the kids that she will 'mark them' and 'thrash them within an inch of their lives' if they don't f**king well do what they're told.

The kids are 4, 6, 8 and 15, and the 8 year old (the only girl,) has started yelling 'I will f**king batter you within an inch of your life' at the 2 young boys. (Monkey see monkey do.) This woman also has a 21 year old daughter who has three children, aged 6, 4, and 2. SHE comes around 3 or 4 times a week! And when it's not raining, they are always in the garden with 3 kids, shouting at them!

We have been in this house now for 3 years almost, and this woman has a party/barbeque about once every 2-3 months on average. She has asked us quite a few times, and when we first came here, we came to a few (New year in 2010, her youngest daughter's birthday in June 2011, a summer barbeque in Sept 2011 and again New year 2011/2012,)

But each time, it's got progressively worse. Everyone there (usually about 25 people,) is part of her family (sister and partner, brother and partner her mother and her partner, loads of nieces and nephews,) and every time we have been, NOBODY speaks to us hardly (except the neighbour and her husband ask us every 30 minutes if we are OK.) We have tried to smile and talk to people, but they snub us/shun us.

One 'party' we didn't go to, because my family were coming around to have a meal for Easter 2012, we could hear all the rabble, and the 21 year old daughter yelled and screamed at her 3 year old (now 4,) and said I'm telling you: DO ONE! or I'll knock your f**king head in!' To her THREE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER! And this is very common behaviour from this family. Not a day goes by when there isn't shouting and screaming and swearing going on, and every day, I hear a child crying.

They asked us to a barbeque last June 2012, and I actually said 'sorry but we are going to a party tonight,' even though we weren't, as I have just had enough of these people now. I feel a bit bad, and I don't mean to sound like a snob, but I thought 'I cannot stand another SECOND in the company of these individuals, let alone 2 or 3 hours!' My daughter REFUSES to go at all now, and my husband can't bear the sight of them. My daughter said 'mom, you have no reason to feel 'bad,' because you don't want to spend time with chavvy mouthy aggressive thugs.'

Then the neighbour came around AGAIN in September (2012,) as it was her partner's 40th, but I didn't answer the door! Then luckily we were away for new year for a few days (including the day of her new year party!) AND we were away for her daughter's party in May, (this year: 2013,) as we were at a wedding!

But today, 2 of her kids were yelling and screaming my name over the fence, (even though I was half asleep in bed as I am poorly with a cold,) and my husband was asleep as he was on nights. They banged on the door incessantly for ages and woke me and my husband up, and by the time I got to the door, they were gone!

So I dropped a note through the front door, saying 'sorry I missed you at the front door, but I was in bed. I have been ill, was it important? ' (They were all in the back garden.) Then 10 minutes later, loud music started; so yes it was another noisy barbeque/party again. Cue 5 hours of noise and screaming and swearing with 25 of her family members. Last one my daughter came to, she had to leave after an hour as the noise and screaming was making her ill!

ANOTHER thing is that she never ever ever asks days in advance, but 10 to 20 minutes before! Like she automatically thinks we have nothing else on and nothing else to do, (and as I said, on a few occasions we HAVE had other stuff on, like a wedding, and holiday and a family meal...) And it's a bit of an afterthought to be honest.

Upshot is, I really really just do not want to be in the company of these dreadful (IMO) people, and am going to run out of excuses soon! Maybe I should be grateful to be invited to something, but as I said, it's always a few minutes before it starts, and her family are AWFUL, her kids scream constantly, and she yells constantly, and we all feel so uncomfortable there, and it's not like she invites us with advance warning!

Help anyone??? How can I resolve this? Apart from moving house???

balletshoes

Just say no when/if asked again, you don't need an excuse do you? If you do, just say you're going out later/expecting a friend to visit.

Maybe your neighbour is just asking out of politeness and doesn't really care one way or the other whether you attend or not?

Brighton_belle

First of all, you don't need the 'I'm not a snob' apologies. It's nothing to with snobbery. You are entitled to do what ever you like with your spare time and spend it/not spend it with who you choose.
I wouldn't dream of spending 5 minutes of my spare time with anyone who's company I didn't actively enjoy.
I don't even spend time with people who are pleasant enough but don't really interest me very much.

Yu'll just have to keep replying with a pleasant, "I'm afraid we're not available, but have a lovely time."
You can't really change anything else though - I would also find living next door to them very miserable making. Any hope of moving house?

marisco_2

Wow, suddenly I am seeing my neighbours in a whole new rosy pink glow. Compared to yours they are wonderful.

Seriously though OP you are not a snob at all for not wishing to mix with these people, who you are unfortunate enough to live in such close proximity to. They sound like aggressive, foul mouthed, intellectually challenged chavs. Who in their right minds would want to associate with people who conduct themselves in such a manner.

Remain neighbourly and civil when you cross their path but politely decline any invites to parties, barbecues etc. This may not be a very MSE thing to suggest but I would seriously have sold up and moved away years ago. I think you deserve a medal for staying put and tolerating their constant disturbance to the peace of your neighbourhood.

365days

At least you get invited

I have spent yet another weekend listening to the neighbours who seem to gather at each others houses en masse at every oppotunity to drink, ignore their children and generally make noise.

I was feeling a little left out.........then overheard (believe me it's not hard) that teenage daughter had just walked in on one of the 'guests' naked in the bathroom taking a dump. Then a very indepth conversation about tattoos, punctauted by f's and c's etc.

Oh and
'Dad was sick last night on the sofa'

Poor kids. There are still out there now with kids, all under 8 - grisly and moany, unsuprisingly.

Do you think she will be upset if you refuse your invite? Do you think it will cause friction? Do you spend any other time at all with her?

She may be in dispute with her actual next door neighbour and inviting you so she can say 'Well the other neighbours don't have a problem with it'

Lou67

Thanks guys. I feel a tad better now, but I still feel bad for saying no, and hiding behind the sofa to avoid them! No I don't have anything else to do with her otherwise, and we are not 'friends,' but we get on OK, and about once a month, she will stop me on the drive and talk for 3 or 4 minutes, but apart from that, nothing.

I doubt if she is particularly bothered if we aren't there, but I still feel awkward.

As for moving house, we are only in private let, and on periodic, and are seriously thinking of moving ... My husband's sleep is being affected badly with all this good weather...

MrsDrink

Could she be 'inviting' you so as to warn you about the noise? I mean if you're there you can't complain? If that's the case she doesn't really want you there, and you can rest easy when you say "thanks but no thanks" next time

Lou67

It's possible Mrs D... As I said, we are not bezzies, so I can't fathom why she invites us; she invites her other neighbour too (he lives alone) and has been there once or twice when we have been there. He is very introvert and says very little.

WantToBeSE

Thank your lucky stars that you are not attached to them!
I get exactly the same as you, but when the BBQ/parties end, they go inside and turn the music up until 3am.
I pray for rain, too, so i feel your pain

WantToBeSE

Sorry, that didnt mean to come across as 'you are lucky, dont complain, i have it harder than you'..i was actually sympathising, although i didnt do it very well

I am in council housing, and am giving up my council house so that i can find a quieter and nicer area.
In my dreams i'd have a huge 3 bed detatched house, with no neighbours for 5 miles!

Lou67

It's OK ; I didn't think you were belittling the issue I am sorry you are suffering too, but yes I AM grateful we are not joined on! If we had been, we would have left after a few months! The guy who IS joined on is out at work most of the time (from 7am to 7pm) and after about 9-ish the kids go to bed ... And I think he sleeps in the bedroom that is not joined to the party wall as well.