SarahNeedle1872 - DFW Diary

SarahNeedle1872

Hi PaP, Christmas was pretty good.... I'm bl00dy tired now tho! And back at work tomorrow DS got literally millions of toys, and still has more stuff at MiL's to unwrap! We've been a bit cheeky, and decided to leave what we bought him (as yet unwrapped) and will give it to him on his brithday (Feb). They're not wrapped in Xmas paper, just very shiny paper, and tbh, at 10mths old, he really isn't gonna know! Is that bad?

Money situation not too bad, I got £45 for Xmas, so that'll be going in the debt fund.... OH got the same, and that won't be going in his debt fund..... but he has agreed (of his own back I might add) to 'hand over his cards after Xmas, and go with a weekly allowance, as he realises that he spends too much money' - a great improvement, but I will add that he has said this before, then moans when he's got no money and it all becomes my fault blah blah blah.... so we'll see how that goes :rolleyes: His balance is well over £1k, so we will see..... :mad:

Did u get ur card btw? Wracking my brains over what prezzie to get u for ur birthday now.....

Sarah x

postingalwaysposting

aww, i dont think thats bad imo, whos to know? and i think at 10 months old all they want to do is eat and sleep anyways :rotfl: i think its very mse to save them. As you say if he has too many now i am sure he wont miss a few

ohhh good luck with your oh, but as you said he has said that before. I guess time will tell but maybe he is deciding this has to be the turning point. Lets hope so. As for your money, i am sad to see it resigned to the debt fund but i guess thats what you want gone asap.

Yes i got the xmas card, thansk very much, did you get yours? As for the birthday gift ~ no... please


*what is your ds name btw?*

lunar

Just having a nosy at your diary, glad you had a good christmas, hopefully your hubby will stick to his LBM. I got £50 from grandparents, its going in my debt fund, i dont have anything i need to spend it on and it will make me happy to know my debt is £50 less.

its a good idea to keep some toys back for his birthday, kids get so much at christmas half the stuff never gets played with anyway!

SarahNeedle1872

No I haven't yet..... I expect it will come tomorrow tho, unless it sits in the local sorting office for a couple of weeks like everything else seems to!

I don't mind putting the money in the debt fund, as lunar said, I'll be happy knowing that I have 'extra' money towards the debt.
Sarah x

SarahNeedle1872

postingalwaysposting wrote: »

aww, i dont think thats bad imo, whos to know? and i think at 10 months old all they want to do is eat and sleep anyways :rotfl: i think its very mse to save them. As you say if he has too many now i am sure he wont miss a few

ohhh good luck with your oh, but as you said he has said that before. I guess time will tell but maybe he is deciding this has to be the turning point. Lets hope so. As for your money, i am sad to see it resigned to the debt fund but i guess thats what you want gone asap.

Yes i got the xmas card, thansk very much, did you get yours? As for the birthday gift ~ no... please


*what is your ds name btw?*

Forgot to say, DS's name is Connor

SarahNeedle1872

An update for the last few days, as I haven't been around for a while....... and its been pretty rubbish actually!!! And surprise surprise it all revolves around OH!

He went out Boxing night, and got very drunk, and so didn't go into work on the Thursday.... which then turned into Friday/Saturday/Sunday and now today..... he hasn't even phoned in sick, so he will not be getting any money for it :mad: Just what we need after Xmas!!! We'd had a really good talk last night after either arguing or ignoring each other for the last few days, and last night he promised me that he was going to turn up at work today, but he hasn't even bothered to get out of bed. Nothing I say seems to make any difference to him.
He claims that he is depressed and that I need to stop putting pressure on him, but I don't know what to do with him! I do not understand depression, and tbh I'm not even sure I believe him - I think he may just be using it as an excuse to stay in bed/make me feel sorry for him. That may sound harsh, but that is how I am feeling right now!!! He keeps saying things like 'I'm tired' and 'I don't like my job' and that I am 'putting pressure on him'.... !!!!!!!?!?!:mad: *I* am tired, but I still have to get up and look after the baby/sort the house. *I* don't particularly like my job atm but I can't just decide not to turn up at work for a few days. And as for pressure.... a) he created this situation himself by not turning up for work when he should, so he's made his own pressure, b) staying in bed is not going to make it and better and will only make it harder to actually go back to work, and c) he'll know f***ing pressure in 4 weeks time when there's no money to pay the rent because he hasn't been to work!!! My wages wouldn't even cover half the bills, so we're pretty much booggered. He even complained because he feels like he's had to give his life up...... he still plays snooker twice a week!!! How is that giving your life up!

As I said before, I don't understand depression, because I don't get depressed, so I really don't know how to give him the support he wants..... I've told him to go and speak to the doctor, but he hasn't said anything to that either! If he can't be bothered to get out of bed to help himself, I'm damn sure noty gonna waste my time, I have a child to think about!

I'm sorry to everyone who reads this and thinks I'm a complete b**ch, but I am soo angry and frustrated because I don't know how to deal with this, I want to just get up and walk away from him to make him see what he's doing (he pushes me away because everything becomes my fault!) to our family but I have no where to go, and I don't wanna leave this house as I have nearly £2k tied up in deposit/advance rent, and I love him, and I want DS to grow up with his father around. And he won't leave, he won't even get out of bed!
On top of dealing with him, I have to go to work and face loads of questions/people talking behind my back, because we work in the same place and they all want to know where he is too AND now I have the stress of trying to figure out we are going to pay for all the bills next month........ and he thinks he's got pressure!?!:mad:

That's enough of that because I can feel myself welling up and I will not cry anymore this week, I have done enough already! I love him, but I am sick to death of his selfish, arrogant behaviour! What a great start to 2008!

Lucy1982_2

Sarah.

I don't really know what to say, I suffer from depression and it takes us all differently, I have always made it to work, I may not do a huge amount when I am there, but at least I am there.

As for how to get him out of bed I have no idea, but you must do what is right for you and your DS. DS needs to be your number 1 priority, that might sound harsh, but you are important and if OH doesn't realise this or isn't willing to help himself get through this as you will obviously help him if he makes the decision. Then something needs to change.

There is not a lot of advice that I can offer other than big hugs and remember the 2008 can bring you anything you want, you just have to make it happen.

Take care x

SarahNeedle1872

Thanks Lucy, I appreciate that! I don't wanna alienate anyone who has depression/lives with someone who does, so I'm glad you posted.

Sarah x

Mupeteer

Sarah, I also suffer from depression but don't think badly of you for what you have said. You cannot help the way you feel just as he can't and if he isn't ready or willing to do something about his depression there is very little you can do to make him.

My heart goes out to you.

Lucy1982_2

I don't think badly of you at all, if you don't understand something it's not your fault. I was advised to look at this website by my Dr. It might be of some use to you and help you understand (or work out) if OH really is suffering.

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation.aspx

oh and you are welcome to pm if you need anything.

Take care x

Oh and St John's Wort is good for low mood to, you can get it in Boots, it's herbal, but probably worth checking if OH is taking anything else with it. It might level things off for him.