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Son dumped on
Comments
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Surely a birth mother's rights are exactly the same as an adoptive mother's rights? Some people are talking as if adoptive parents are second class when it comes to parenting.
We have an adopted son and we have exactly the same rights for our child as anyone who has given birth there is no difference. Apart from the word adopted !!
Make £200 by end of January... £20.42/£200
Grocery Challenge £200 pm Jan £0/£200
January no spend days - 1/310 -
clearingout wrote: »to be fair, you wrote 'we do not know the ins and outs of her household income'. This screams at me (rightly or wrongly) that it is somehow OK not to pay maintenance/pay low maintenance if the other parent has a decent household income.
If I read it wrong, I read it wrong! But it remains a point of frustration to me - and one we see often when a 'new' family is involved and becomes 'she has more money than us so why should he pay maintenance?'.
That's a leap! - it screams to me that she *must*, one way or another be getting more than the £8; and was in answer to those posters who seemed to think she had to keep the boy on a mere £8 a week. I'm not assuming her new partner is 'keeping' her. I'm not assuming she is on benefits. Whatever other income she has is not actually pertinent; what is pertinent is that the boy's father is doing what he can to maintain the relationship, contributing to his son's upkeep from the income he has and, possibly accepting that she has the right to take that amount of money off him; if he has disputed this OP hasn't reported it..
I have never said, on this or other threads that IF a PWC is wealthy enough not to actually need a contribution from the NRP then the NRP does not need to or should not pay.
I am on record as saying it is awful when PWCs use their children as bargaining tools and withold access visits to 'punish' NRPs. They just do not understand the negative impact this has on the children involved.Don't put it DOWN; put it AWAY"I would like more sisters, that the taking out of one, might not leave such stillness" Emily DickinsonJanice 1964-2016
Thank you Honey Bear0 -
clearingout wrote: »law students are exactly that...students. They're not qualified to give legal advice, let alone partake in pro bono work. Do I bang my head against a well now or later?!!! :rotfl:
Actually students do provide legal advice in limited areas under supervision. This is quite an established practice. As an example, see the link below.
https://www.wlv.ac.uk/default.aspx?page=26741
University of Wolverhampton!Legal Advice!Centre
The University of Wolverhampton’s Law!Advice Centre!provides free legal advice for the local community. Especially for those unable to obtain legal assistance through other charitable organisations e.g. the Citizens Advice Bureau.!
Free legal advice is provided by the University’s law students, supervised by their lecturers or practising lawyers from local law firms.
The University's Legal Advice!Centre builds upon a long tradition of student law clinics, where it is recognised that both the community and students would benefit from experiential legal education.!The clinic work prioritises the community’s needs for legal services and clients’ interest, which complements legal education in developing students’ legal skills, experiencing law in operation and reflecting on ethics and conduct of legal practice.
Our service
The service of the University's Legal Advice!Centre! includes:
providing preliminary legal advice on whether you have any legal rights or claim
the law that would be applicable
the recourse or remedy that may be available to you
and the next steps or action you would be able to take
This is to enable you to consider whether you have a legal case or claim and what you can do to resolve it.
The Legal Advice Centre is run by law students and they will also be providing the free legal advice service to you under the supervision of academic staff, some of whom are qualified solicitors or barristers.! Local law firms also support our legal advice centre, which services are 'pro bono', meaning for the public good.
The Legal Advice Centre!will be able to provide advice on a variety of areas of law, including:
contractual disputes!(such as sale of goods and/or consumer related matters),
negligence claims (such as claims arising out of an accident, including personal injury),!
housing law (such as tenancy contract disputes),
business start-up and general business law advice,
employment law related matters.
Areas of law that we do not provide advice on include:
Criminal investigations and prosecutions
Debt
Divorce law (including: family disputes / children custody / domestic violence)
Finance (including: financial investment, tax-related issues).
We reserve the right not to give advice in any particular case.0 -
moneysaymoneydo wrote: »
Mothers put their kids first, men themselves!
Yeah.. that just covers it 100% of the time.. like the women who allow their new partners to abuse and murder their children, the mothers who starve and beat their children and the ones who are so off their heads on alcohol and drugs they don't even know who their children are..
What an absolute pile of dung!!! Not to mention disgustingly sexist!
Women are just as capable of being dead beat parents as men.LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14Hope to be debt free until the day I dieMortgage-free Wannabee (05/08/30)6/6/14 £72,454.65 (5.65% int.)08/12/2023 £33602.00 (4.81% int.)0 -
Awh pigpen as always stating the obvious, thanks again yes I agree and stand corrected, "most women put their kids first and men put themselves first", :rotfl:0
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You may find this site useful http://theparentconnection.org.uk/pages/is-this-for-me
It has lots of information and advice for parents who have split up and also a forum.0 -
I'm surprised no one has picked up on this. So he only gives £8 a week because he can't afford more BUT...his paying in a trust? How insulting for the mother. Maybe that might one of the reasons she has the hump, that he would prefer to put money she probably desperately need to support their child in a trust that will be years before it can be of any help. He needs to stop this and at least until he does get a job to support his child properly, give EVERYTHING he can afford to give.
I picked upon it.
I wondered why the son isn't making a fortune selling his tips on how to stretch JSA to cover basic living costs, £8 per week in 'child support' and money paid to a trust :money:.
That said, I don't think there's anything intrinsically bad about investing, financially, for your child's future. So, the existence of a trust wouldn't bother me. I'm just puzzled about the finances.
Also, picking up on an earlier point you made, if I were in the position described by the OP, I would recommend that my son sought advice face to face - be it from CAB or another organisation.0 -
I don't even get 8p a week never mind £8. I think considering what he gets £8 is fair and alot more than some people get (unfortunately).
My daughters dad seems to think because I get child benefit that absolves him from paying anything. I have tried telling him even if I won £10million he should still contribute.1,2 & 5p: Christmas day food £9.31
10 & 20p: misc savings £2.70
50p: Christmas presents £3.50
£2: holidays £2.000 -
That said, I don't think there's anything intrinsically bad about investing, financially, for your child's future. So, the existence of a trust wouldn't bother me. I'm just puzzled about the finances.
Totally agree with you, but a Trust should be additional to supporting your children. He might be giving more than he has to, but putting money into a trust when giving so little to support a child (when you look at how much the child cost rather than what he has to pay) is a complete insult to the pwc. If things are already tense between them, this position will only contribute to the conflict.
OP, when I first separated with my ex, his parents were completely baffled. They didn't understand and even though they had liked me very much, they got very angry with me initially for destroying the family and hurting their son. They thought I was selfish and ungrateful. The reality is they didn't have a clue what their son had been up to. He certainly always make sure to keep things quiet and I was too proud to go and tell them. For month they build a picture of me in their mind that was not very nice...until one day they found a letter about his debts, and all of a sudden, they had to accept that their son, who they thought was a good responsible man, was not what it seemed. It was hard for them to accept because they understandbly believed everything he told them. Thankfully, they turned around at this point, apologised to me and were a great support afterwards.
What I'm trying to say is you build a very stereotypical image of your son's ex, and only you are directly involved with her or people very close to her, your thoughts are build from what your son is telling you and that might not be at all a reflection of what the situation is really like. On that basis, you might want to take a step back in judging the situation. Advise your son how to seek support and help, but don't get involved in the discussions around what a horrible ex she is, how selfish her actions are, and how unfair she is treating your son because you just don't know. It is always better to stay out of it from this perspective.0 -
Have read this thread and wasn't going to comment as having watched my partner go through hell regarding access to his child I often get very wound up watching where these threads end up. Am now also watching a close family member go through the same thing, and it is heartbreaking watching somebody in tears about not seeing their child.
OP I hope your son gets things sorted, I will be helping my family member hopefully sort things with his access problems and it is looking likely that he will represent himself as he will not be able to afford the thousands of pounds it cost my partner to get proper defined access.
There are lots of threads on here and other websites that are a wealth of information about reasonable access requests and rights and what sort of things he will need to do representing himself in court, it's not as daunting as it sounds and providing there are no issues that haven't been mentioned he should get access granted with no problems.
Like others said, keep a diary, try to keep contact with ex via text/email that can be kept and used in court if necessary.
Regarding the child maintenance, pay her via the CSA or into bank account clearly marked Child Support, stop giving her it in cash. Regarding the amount, let the CSA sort it out, yes its not a great deal but its better than nothing right now and hopefully he'll soon be working and will be able to provide more.
Good luck to your son, and don't give up. :-)
Oh and one more thing......moneysaymoneydo wrote: »
Mothers put their kids first, men themselves!
This comment/opinion is disgusting!0
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