The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

ArthriticOldThing

Lynn I can only agree wholeheartedly with what fuddle and others have said.


Something similar happened to a friend of mine year before last and although she realised she was being taken advantage of fairly quickly it was 18 months before she could bring herself to have the 'hard facts' conversation.


You are a kind and generous person but she needs to be made to understand what your limits are NOW!!

Bigjenny

Lynn when you do talk to her it might be worth suggesting that she looks on hospital notice boards to see if there any rooms to rent.

Jenny

[Deleted User]

Thanks Jenny, we were under the impression that she was looking for a room in November last year when she first approached us, we even found where the noticeboards were in the hospital and have been asking every evening if she's looked. I even printed some details off of gumtree and still she isn't budging. She has said this evening there may be a couple of rooms that will suit but I think we must have the conversation and establish what she thinks we have offered and what we actually have offered, which is certainly a very different situation in both cases. I hate this feeling, I feel unkind and selfish but uncomfortable in my own home too, daft I know, but just the way I am, Lyn xxx.

candlelight_2013

Lyn I think many of us would feel the same.

For goodness sake it is your home, and you "feel uncomfortable", that is not good. I know you agreed to take her in, but I do feel you are being taken advantage of. If she isn't prepared to look for a place then to my mind she has no intention of leaving. I think you must have that conversation.

Much love
Candlelightx

ArthriticOldThing

Lynn you are definitely not unkind or selfish and its just awful that this is making you feel uncomfortable in your home.:eek:


(((hugs)))

[Deleted User]

Thank you, that is what I needed to hear, off now !

FairyPrincessk

Just wanted to offer my support as well Lyn. It sounds like a rough conversation to have, I even cringe having to think of you doing it! However, you have a lovely way with words, are kind and understanding and I know you will manage it beautifully. It sounds like she needs a push anyway, even if you were prepared to let her stay it seems she isn't actively doing what she set out to do. Big hugs, and let us know how it goes!

kezlou

Lynn you are not selfish or being unkind, this lady is taken advantage of your good nature and kindness. I personally would say very nicely that sure to family circumstances and commitments that she can only stay for another couple of weeks. Were sorry for any misunderstanding regarding dates but unfortunately it cannot be helped.

I've been at my sisters all day, my mother was there to and of her friends. lets just say they is a situation cropping up which involves the law. But I have been requested not to get involved by biomum and sis as my lil bro is being a pig.
So I know whats going on but I have told them any trouble starts where my nieces are and I'm taking them under my care and the police wil be called. Luckily they all agreed with me no arguments or bad feelings , my sisters relieved as she knows her children will be safe no matter what.
I will speak to my lil bro but instead I will let him tell me his side, after all theys two sides to every story and my family are all as bad as each other.


Made a bacon, onion, garlic, mushroom and cream rolled in puff pastry for tea with mash and veg. Oh enjoyed it, as did I but the kids didn't. No matter they scoffed the veg abd pastry!

OH picked ds2 up as I was in absolute agony, I'm not going to see the family during the day tomorow might go after school. Instead I'm going to stay home rest and sort things out.

Possession

Just be very matter of fact Lyn, I know you can do that while still being kind. She needs to know you are not a pushover. It's a shame she has financial problems, but I certainly couldn't pay my mortgage while rentimg a room either, but it doesn't mean I expect to live somewhere else rent free!

fuddle

That's it possession isn't it? Ok she can't afford mortgage and rent but she still has living costs associated with living in the house that aren't being accrued while she's living with Lyn and He Who Knows. She could be handing over something - token payments or getting bread, milk, ham and cheese etc.

My MIL took us in for 3 weeks. It was difficult for her and for us but we got through it because we were family, it was needed, it was for a limited time and I made sure we pulled our weight in every way including financially in the way of food buying/prep. To think that a non family member is in your home and not fitting any of those briefs makes me cross actually. No one should be uncomfy in their own home and certainly not wor Lyn!