The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

fuddle

Slipped up 'ere! Forgot to set the SC away this morning resulting in the oven being needed any minute for our mince and dumplings.

Came in this morning to find we were out of electricity anyway so that resulted in a walk into town to top up.

I've a toe hole in DD's tights to stitch ready for tomorrow and so much of me wants to say 'bleep! Hoy 'em away and get new' but reality check says it's a waste of good tights, a waste of petrol to replace, a waste of money to replace and would add to my consumerism! So I'll get me sewing needle out and change the 'cannot be bothered' into 'just get on with it!'

It's not very easy being prepared, organised or frugal when time isn't on your side.

I'm pleased to say that now I'm working we can pay for eldest DD to have school meals youngest still wants packed lunches but eldest has asked and it's nice that we don't have to fob her off - there's no filling her lately

Before I go and get on with my jobs I just wanted to scream about tired of hearing feel good stories like 'cosmetic surgery up it must be because we're recovering' who asked for those figures? Why did the official body release them and tag on two and two about the recovery? Why was it news? I smell a rat - a big fat stinky rat trying to instill in our minds to spend because it's the only way 'we'll recover' tosh to consumerism I say.

fuddle

No no no no Lyn. I think she has a cushy number there an she knows it. House guest needs to be gone. I appreciate its a difficult situation for you but she's shown not 1 ounce of thinking for you in assuming so she cannot expect any thing other back. You have to be straight I'm afraid.

Sorry she has debt and is struggling but you wouldn't be doing her any favours by shielding her from them. I think house guest assumes too much and isn't in the frame of mind that can help her sort the issues but bounce from opportunity to opportunity in the hope that she can bury it all away.

You wouldn't be helping her by letting her get away with her plan, you'd be allowing her to blindly go through your patience and kind heart while being ignorant to your needs.

[Deleted User]

I know you're right FUDDLE, I just don't know how to actually tackle her! I've known her since she was 3 years old but we've had no contact with her or her family (they are old next door neighbours) except christmas cards for the past 10 years. It came as a bit of a shock to find she was thinking after easter, I think it's maybe a misunderstanding and needs clarification but I don't know how to raise the subject with her, does that sound wet?

candlelight_2013

No Lyn it doesn't, but I think you have to tell her as it is.

You will have to say you understood it was only going to be for a few days(couple of weeks) and then she would be finding her own accommodation. Your life is now involved with your grandson and you can be called upon any time to help DD.

This really isn't good enough, is it? You offered her a home for a few days and it sounds as though she is going to take advantage of your kindness.

I know you have such a kind heart but you will have to be fairly blunt about it. Take courage Lyn.in a very difficult situation.

Hugs
Candlelightx

fuddle

No not wet, it's because you care, you don't want to hurt her feelings, add to her problems or upset anyone. You need to have the sit down conversation, nicely and calmly explain to her what you thought you were offering her and how it's changed. Explain how that effects you but also maybe offer a little leeway to get on her feet.

She's asking far too much - in fact not even asking, I think she's assuming and in that assumption says to me she's very little regard for how you feel.

juliettet

Hi Lyn,

I would gently explain that you can only put her up until the end of February as your family/financial circumstances will be different them. Encourage her to have something planned by the end of next week. You do not have to say what the circumstances are. DO NOT feel guilty.

monnagran

Lyn: Ditto, ditto, ditto to what Fuddle says. I think you have to be straight with her and explain that you only anticipated her being there a few days and it is just not possible to have her there after (insert date of your choice). If she shows reluctance to move I think the prospective arrival of mythical guests, or equally mythical decorators or something that your imagination comes up with, might settle the issue. You are too good and will be taken for a ride if you don't put your foot down.

Nutty: The dry sunny weather went to my head as well this morning. No chance of a clean through, well only through the cooker, but I opened all the windows to get some lovely fresh air into the house. The Rev kept shivering dramatically but I handed her a blanket and ignored her. Have relented now and put a bit of heating on.

Oh my! You should see my cooker. It gleams and salad and microwaveable stuff is on the menu until the man has been to investigate the clicking sound.
I intend to beg the new manse to install an electric cooker when the kitchen is done, or at least an electric ceramic hotplate. All those fiddly gas rings with innumerable bits and pieces to them drive me nuts. Give me a nice flat ceramic plate to whisk across.

x

nuatha

monnagran wrote: »

Oh my! You should see my cooker. It gleams and salad and microwaveable stuff is on the menu until the man has been to investigate the clicking sound.

The odds are that the clicking sound is water in the piezo ignition. Generally this dries out by itself in a few hours - if the clicking is too annoying to ignore, then turn off the electric.
HTH

meanmarie

Evening all,

Lyn......this happened to me some years ago.....6 weeks turned into 2years 6 months, so would advise you to say something like"NAME....I am sorry that I didnt make it clear at the beginning of your stay that I could only offer you a room until the last week of February, I can help you look for accommodation over next weekend (or whatever 2 day period suits you) as unfortunately I shall need your room from 1st March"there is no need to give reasons for anything I think that this young lady needs a reality check asap, there is no reason for you to be at the mercy of her selfishness. How did this staycome about...were you approached by her mother? If so maybe a phone call saying that J.... is talking about a much longer stay than you had anticipated and again go into the needing the room bit with mother, no need to give reason you need room. Sorry for rant, but you are such a kind person I would hate to see you suffer because of your kindness.

HTH

Marie

[Deleted User]

Thank you, much appreciate all the advice and will have to sit down for a sorting out conversation and sooner rather than later, Lyn xxx