The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

kezlou

everyone has they own point of view of how children and situations are to be handled.
Mar has a very valid point, because a number of years that is how it was handled, whether it is the right or wrong way, well thats up to ervyones individual perception.

I personally don't use physically violence, but like i said previously i have threatened it.

I know a few people in real life who could do with a good harding, i.e adults but i wouldn't do it.

In my opinion i think all children need boundaries, especially those with additional needs. I believe if we don't boundaries and rules to some degree then children can't grow and flourish in a positive nurturing environment. Both of my children are on the autistic spectrum and i know how frustrating it is. Which is why i'm constantly having to repeat myself constantly with the rules and boundaries that we have. Hopefully it will sink in and they will learn to respect other peoples personal space and hopefully they will grow into well adjusted young people.

mugwump79

of course we are all allowed our own opinion, I am sorry if you feel I have over reacted but this is obviously something very close to my heart.
I burst with pride every day for my son, the struggles and frustrations he deals with day in day out are unbelievable, yet he still smiles and melts my heart daily.
I agree that SEN labels are new and I believe it can only be a good thing if more pupils in schools are able to access more support. I also think boundaries and rules are especially important with children with SEN needs,
I just think life is blinkin hard enough for everyone, including our children, I am just of the train of thought that if we were all the same it would be a terribly dull world.

I shall now retreat, thank you x

kezlou

!!!!!! don' retreat honey i know what you mean.

I am constantly praise both of my boys everyday as i know how hard it for them.
for instance ds2 goes to school and can't understand why the boys won't let him play him football with them. He says to me mammy i wasn't being naughty i said please and they told me go away. Ds2 joints are so bad that by the end of the school day he is utterly exhausted and in absolute agony. Or how frustrating it is for him to try and speak to people or just get to the toilet on time before having an accident. We have a fight everyday to just get him into school or even for him to go to the toilet.

!!!!!! i volunteer with a group with assists families with adults and children with special and or additional needs. I fight against prejudice everyday and it is also a subject very close to my heart. I stand bullying, prejudice of any kind and i work very hard everyday to try and dispel the hate etc

I wouldn't change my boys for anything in the world. If someone said here's a magic wand i'll take away the autism, i would shout at them.for tif they did that they would take away my my children's personality, they imagination they quick wittedness. If i could take away the joint pain and incontinence i would, because that to me debilitating.

Your right the world would be a dull place to live in, without autism we wouldn't have albert einstien or charles darwin!

savingqueen

Hi jem - sorry to hear about the difficulties with school you and your DS are facing. Sounds like today was a particularly challenging one for you both.

Hello and welcome !!!!!!.

Think both jem and !!!!!! could do with a hug! Hope that doesn't sound patronising - certainly not meant to be.

We are all entitled to our opinions of course and they will be different as our backgrounds and experiences will vary. It does help to bear in mind that this is a support thread though. Jem came on here needing some support and although she has received some, it also sounds like she is being judged to a degree which isn't helpful to her and others in a similar situation. I can therefore relate to !!!!!!'s comment about how sad she felt reading Mar's post.

Mar sounds like you had a really hard time of it and could have done with a forum like this when your children were of school age. I guess you just had to get on with it and had to develop a very tough skin?

Personally I have changed my views on many things since parenthood. I tried not to judge other parents before motherhood but realised I did big time. Whilst I know I still judge people and situations wrongly at times - only human after all - I am far less quick to do so now.

DS7 has never been diagnosed with a syndrome per se as his behaviour is pretty "average" for his age most of the time but he has had several occasions of very unacceptable behaviour, shocked me to begin with and I know some people would have judged DS and all of us at home. I initially thought DS was just being naughty and we came down on him like a ton of bricks.... totally and utterly the wrong thing to do and we have learnt our lesson. Yes DS behaved perfectly for a couple of days but he became withdrawn and fearful of us and had terrible nightmares. Our approach now offering him support at the same time as helping him talk things through, take responsibility for his actions and of course let him know that his unacceptable behaviour is just that and has consequences has reaped rewards. Unless you have experienced the same kind of situation as someone else you cannot really know what it is like and I can tell you I am far less quick to judge others now.

Another thing to bear in mind is that the vast majority of all parents/carers are doing their absolute best - as Mar says in difficult times these days - and children with additional needs like autism may take a lot longer to learn boundaries and acceptable behaviour. Children may know what they are doing is wrong but are still learning to deal with their emotions etc and there are children who do not yet know their behaviour is unacceptable.

I can think of several adults I know now or knew as children at school in the 70s who would have benefitted enormously from the right sort of intervention and support. We had corporal punishment in our school and some children were regularly whacked and not all were naughty, I can see that now as an adult. That is so very wrong.

The thing in jem's post that stood out for me was "he's so distressed". Sorry I can't offer practical help jem but here to support and offer hugs.

sq

kidcat

Jem - try PP again, there is a requirement that all areas have a PP rep so if one leaves they have to be replaced.
If the local school cannot meet the needs on the statement it is not appropriate to attend, and therefore he will need to go out of area, in which case transport should be provided - its simple a statement is a statutory requirement, which lays out the needs of the child and the minimum level of provision required in order to keep the child safe and educate them - its not optional, if a child is placed in a school which fails to meet the statemented needs the authority can be prosecuted. No authority wants this - its cheaper to pay the transport fee.
http://www.ipsea.org.uk/

Contact Ipsea on their helpline, they can give you the legal status and provide you with support as needed, they are exceptional and provide thorough advice. Meantime have a look at what schools are available that you like - its worth knowing what you want before you begin the battle - good luck - I am here if you need help

!!!!!! - welcome - I am a mum of two auties, its lovely to have another fellow auty parent on board

savingqueen

!!!!!! - there is absolutely no need to retreat. Everyone is welcome here whatever their opinions (even the old fashioned ones ) I know not everyone will "get" what you are saying but many will and will offer your support and advice. There are many different things raised on this thread and we don't always agree, same as in real life, but we rub along somehow!

You are right life is blinking hard for everyone so please stay and rub along with the rest of the toughies.

sq x

savingqueen

kidcat - you are brilliant do you know that?

ps will look at FB when I get some time, thanks girls for the 2 PMS I received

sq

[Deleted User]

Oh my goodness did we strike lucky today? we got a whole trailerfull of hardwood (roof beams/rafters) offcuts from a local building site that they were building into a bonfire to burn along with a load of palletts. On the principle that if they say no you're no worse off than if you hadn't actually asked I sent He Who Knows up to chat and the man from the building site He Say YES!!!!! Over half a storage cradle full and a whole boxful of kindling chopped and in the shed, Result!!! Lyn xxx.

fuddle

By you've been busy I was only talking to you a few hours back. You two get up to alsorts when offline aaaaah free warmth Lyn. I bet you can't beat the feeling.

I had a turn up this afternoon too. It comes in the form of a council tax readmittance from the North East house : D means the refund has tipped up the tumble dryer fund nicely. Pssst don't be shooting me for the tumbler. You know me by now and if I could do without it I would ruddy give it a good go! It is a need and soon to be a got

[Deleted User]

Good use of a windfall love, if it means you don't have a damp house due to washing hanging about waiting to dry you get that Tumble Dryer, it's a different thing if you have lovely weather and a garden line to play with, but in this cold and damp winter weather you go for it, Lyn xxx.