The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

Popperwell

Morning All,
I was shopping in Tesco's at Midnight:eek:and walked home...well stumbled my way home(good job its near to home)and I was already out having been at the club.

Had a little accident in store, I unbalanced myself and ended up on my back(top heavy)with my rucksack in the aisle, legs weren't strong enough when getting something off the lower shelf and trying to straighten up and I would have pulled the trolley over...eventually I had to use the shelves as leverage...

I have some lovely meals lined up, lots of fresh items but think I'll cheat when I have a "Meat" pie...said SM has some decent new products on sale. At good prices...

Don't mind if I put a little weight on for Winter, time for some comfort eating:pHad some shortbread made by my friend. Good job I only have a small amount...its divine. If I ever get around to making any myself and its similar I'm in trouble:rotfl:

fuddle

shegar wrote: »

FUDDLE......Good luck on the move, how far away are you going from where you live now?.....I hate moving , its so stressful , but it as to be done........At least you will be settled before the real cold weather comes....................

It's about a 6 hour journey down south Sheila. I'm already very nervous about driving my little car down. The enormity of what we're doing has hit me but I am trying to think I have it easy as someone else DH knows where he used to work is relocating his family to Dubai!

I would like to reach out to Gailey this morning. I'm not sure if you're aware Gailey but there was a time when I had money and could access money. My possessions were what defined me and gave me confidence. All my friends had and did and I did too. We as a family were making something of ourselves because we had a big new house and lovely new cars, socialising and holidaying and enjoying life... yeah right. Ok, I had the expensive lipstick to paint that smile on my face and the confidence in what I had to allow me to guffaw happily socially with a glass of red in my hand but I was dead inside hun. It was all false. It was all an act and secretly in my house I would be a shalllow, miserable bundle of nerves, snappy and selfish because money was running out and I faced the prospect of keeping up that show for the rest of my life.

It was adversity that made me come away from that life and you know what cements the friendships and good times... money. When there's no money left you can't do and you can't have so you can't fit in. There's nothing happy or 'living life' about splashing the cash Gailey.

Having lived that life and having lived the frugal life I would choose this way over the shallow, empty life of a Jones' keeper upper.

Yes it's tough but we have family, health, roof, warmth and food. What more could we want essentially eh? Embrace what you do have and let the horrible experiences strengthen you further. Think positively about as much as you can and be self aware - don't let adversity get on top of you because it will eat away at your strength. Celebrate every success you have and appreciate those horrid experiences to enable you to become a woman of strength.

So much to do I'd best get off here. I am however going to pull my real wool blanket out in favour of a snood knitted on circular needles for myself. The thought of that good stuff just sat there waiting to be completed in a year or so's time is driving me mad!

FairyPrincessk

Hi all,

Another fairly quiet one at home today, although trades people in and out. Never mind.

PinkDebtster, good luck on the course! Sometimes I think we have to do things that scare us a little bit to remind us of what we're living for! I'm so pleased the feeding tube behaved and that you had a nice holiday.

Princess--sorry to hear about the family troubles. You might not be able to care less, but it might be time to rope in your acting skills. It may help if you try to give yourself a bit of space before you respond to things--so if you get a text--don't reply until you've had a cup of tea. If someone says something to you face to face, count to 10 in your head and THEN decide what to say. This might help your responses sound more neutral and less emotional and then you won't seem such an easy target. It may also help to give you a chance to back out of conversations where people are shouting and threatening. Tell them you're happy to talk about the issue once they've calmed down and then walk away. You know what, sometimes, I even turn my phone off. In my case I have work colleagues who don't respect my boundaries, and they'll text at all hours. It ruins my nights sleep and my next day's work. So if I think its going to be one of 'those' nights, I just turn my phone off. No one needs me that badly, and if they do then they have my OH's number too!

Fuddle--moves are such a very, very big thing. They (I don't know who they are, but they always seem to have such big opinions!) say it can take up to a year to adjust to a new location. I don't say that to scare you--I think you'll find it a wonderful adventure, but do cut yourself some slack in the coming 12-14 months! I'm so thrilled for you, and I can't wait to keep up with all of your new updates.

nuttyp

Morning everyone, when my girls teethed we used ambesol - it was a liquid anethestic bbut also numbed your finger as you applied it!!

I too remember when we 'had' money. Like fuddle we had the nice house, car's holidays etc. Then everything started to change. We started to argue, I couldn't answer the phone, door or the post. We ended up separating for a while, and I even moved house for a fresh start. I did a mutual exchange with another council tenant. A few weeks later I had to declare myself BR. Something I still hard to admit to this day. OH ended up doing the same over 6 months later. We were living apart for over 18 months before we finally managed to sort things out and live back together.

My family are aware of what we have been through, but OH family have no idea. They are far too materialistic, judgemental etc. In fatc I have little to do with them for this reason.

We both work very hard still, I have brought up my 2 girls to the best I can. Eldest did 3 years in collage and is a beautician. Youngest is on her 2nd year at collage and wants to go to uni to become a dementia specialist. Money does help but it isn't the end of the world.

I love being frugal, I made lasagne for tea last night so for work tea for me for the next 3 days.... I have the left overs. I am currently decorating a friends daughter bedroom with leftover wallpaper and half a tin of emulsion. We bought a sample curtain for 1.50 and that's the room finished. I amaze her with what I can do, little does she knoe most of my ideas come from here. So thankyou everyone x

Have a lovely day x

savingqueen

Good post for gailey fuddle.

Princess - you can't change other people and their behaviour directly but you can change how you react to them. Yes in an ideal world family are there to look out for you but in reality some do the opposite.

Other than DH and my boys, relationships between us and both sets of parents and my sister have broken down completely, DH's siblings are being offish because of our estrangement with in-laws and we only see them every year or two ordinarily. My god-daughter and nephew (early 20s) don't send as much as a Christmas card now but were happy to cash our cheques (stopped sending money/gifts now.) Wider family have drifted away, some re-marriages etc and have new families and lives. And that's it family wise. My close friends have close, big families and I find that very difficult to live with if I am honest.

So my friends are my family outside DH and children. If my friends treated me the way my family have done, they wouldn't be friends so.... We chose after many years of stress and upset to put some distance between us and our parents/my sister. They have reacted defensively at best, horribly at worst but then they were like that before. We are calling the shots in a way now. I still feel really sad at times but not so upset and guilty as I did in the beginning. Also have a big sense of relief especially with MIL who is a nasty piece of work.

There is no easy answer but you do not have to put up with emotional abuse. Turn off your phone, let calls go to answerphone etc and choose how/when/if to respond. Could you write to them to let them know that you will no longer accept their bad behaviour and if they cannot be civil you will not see/speak to them. You could also ask for a break in contact, say x number of weeks/months and that might shock them into thinking about their actions. There is probably no easy answer but you might feel a little better if you are in the driving seat and limit contact and spend more time with other family or friends who really care about you.

Sorry to ramble on, trying to be helpful but not sure I have been. Hugs to you anyway

sq:)

savingqueen

Sitting here my stomach in knots and nearly in tears. My letter for my ovarian scan came through yesterday and I phoned to book an appointment and got a cancellation for 8.45pm this eve (late I know). Took boys to town after school for new shoes and returned home to a message asking me to ring back. Well left a message then and this morning and tried phoning several times and just answerphone on. I hate the not knowing, makes me more anxious.

Sounds silly but I googled advice for prep before a scan and wished I hadn't. I feel really anxious about why I need the scan now, if the appointment is going to be changed and even parking somewhere strange (different part of town I don't know) in the dark. DH needs a couple of hours to get home too so I can't ask him last minute to come home early. I am the last appointment so probably a deserted car park.

Jeez I need to get a grip, blooming anxiety. Will take deep breaths and try and distract myself.

sq:)

katieowl_2

Morning Gang!

Market went well again yesterday - really busy and I sold all my GF cakes (so no cake for me this week LOL, unless I CBA to make more!) I had the forthought to make extra Lentil shepherds pie, so if I did sell out we'd still have dinner ready I didn't sell ALL of them, so we ate the packed ready meals, and I froze the extra filling for a quick meal at home another time.

The WI woman came round with some details about the event I was asked if I wanted to attend (can't remember if I told you that? It's an evening about local producers at the end of the month) and I was telling Susanne, my next door stall holder about it, and she gave me one of her lovely stiff pep talks (I do love her so!!!) I am to turn up with a decorated Xmas cake!!! I'm also to make a poster for the stall and get a book to take orders in, and apparently next week I am to take fudge again, as I missed a sale this week
I've got such a lot to do, but I know she's right, and somehow, I need to fit more into the week. Maybe if I give up the luxury of exhaustion

Anyway. First thing this morning some more guff had dropped onto my FB page to to with the Laws of Attraction (you guys know about that? The apparent 'secrets' of the universe to do with being able create massive wealth, love, and the life you want!) Well I watched one of these videos for a bit, to a point I kind of 'get what they are saying about your mental attitude and what you attract into your life, but then I remember starving children in Africa and India, and battered women, and people who've had their benefits cut, and I think its a load of cobblers So I'm watching this video and thinking "where is all this going?" and it occurred to me, that honestly, I wouldn't want a brand new expensive car (not the way we have to drive around here...) and really, a huge Hollywood style mansion with a swimming pool would really be a pain (how the hell would you find your glasses if it 24 rooms?) So I have discovered the 'Secret' for myself...the reason I don't have any of this stuff is because put no value on it!!!! Simples!

Talking of benefits cuts, mum has a neighbour in her 50's a smartly dressed well spoken woman who has been out of work for 3 years. In that time she has had only three interviews, despite applying for literally 100's of jobs. She has her son, who is in his 20's living with her, but he wants to move out. Apparently the Job Center told her, if she didn't get a job soon, they would apply sanctions against her! She collapsed in the Job Centre... of course if her son does go, she will get hammered with the Bedroom tax too. I've been so angry this week listening to all the b*ll*cks that's been spouted, about making people work for benefits, there are all sorts of unacknowledged reasons why people are long term unemployed, like they are sick (not sick enough not to want to work, but sick enough for an employer not to want to employ you) or too 'old' or being too poor to turn up looking well turned out... :mad: I've been in the position where I've been responsible for hiring people, I know what employers think...this s*dding government really needs to accept that not every single last (wo)man in the flaming country can hold down a job to keep them happy! Don't even get me started on forcing mums back into the workplace.

*Steps away from the soap-box

Kate

Margaret54

Hi everyone Lots of reading to catch up on as always recently:) Lyn such wise words and support to us all as always.x Gailey bless your wee heart. I am sending you a big big hugxx
It is pouring with rain here so dark and gloomy difficult to dry the washing. I have the heating on low and the clothes horse in the hall and hopefully bit by bit will get it all dry.
So many people are struggling with finances and health and uncertainty. Thank goodness for this wee place where you can post and receive such warmth and support, and it is a real blessing to me.
Take good care each and every one of you Margaret xx

cornishchick

SQ I know how you feel, my mantra for these times is, "this time tomorrow it will be over" take a deep breath, break down the problem in to manageable chunks. Deal with those you can, ie Google the car park, street, do a street map, look for easy I identified points, walk the route virtually. Ect, other things are in the hands of others to deal with. If you see what i mean.
It's chucking it down here. Is it strange that I love the sound of rain, unless I have to go out in it that is..... I love feeling all cosy and safe in my home.
DH has the dentist today then he'sppopping in to visit family.
I have to finish ripping the disgusting carpet up from the bathroom floor, left by the previous owners. Finallyggetting around to putting vinyl down. So I have to go to the man shed. To get some tools. God forbid that i put them back in the wrong place...... :cool: I used to get by with a butter knife and a stiletto heel for most of my diy jobs:D.
Hugs and zen love to all
xCC

[Deleted User]

SQ lovey, if there is reason for you to be called for scan and there is a problem, the sooner it is discovered the sooner any treatment can begin and start to solve the problem. If the scan shows no problem, your next step will be offered and you'll still be going forwards to being better. I can understand how scary it is when you have something like this looming before you and actually had one myself some 20 years ago which I was scared about and the scan was perfectly normal. You may be sitting alone at home sweetie but you're never really on your own with all of us toughies looking out for you and wrapping you in love and caring and that is just what is happening at this very moment, we are all holding you tight in arms that care for and about you and we'll keep you in that hug until you are feeling better again!!! I so hope all is well for you and that after your scan this evening you feel a weight lifted from your shoulders. The one thing I remember from my scan is having to have a full bladder for the scan to be successful and they were running late and I've never needed to dash for the loo as fast in all my life when it was over, will be with you in spirit pet as will all of us, Chin Up, Love and Hugs Lyn xxx.