The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

Pooky

Kez - Im glad you've found someone who helps. Fuddle - what a star!

VJs - we had an incident with DD2 (15) last year that was premeditated and potentially life altering (had authorities been involved) but we sat, we listened, we chatted, we expressed our disappointment but our love and understanding too. We got through it and she now looks back on it as a "silly teenage bid for attention". I was devastated at the time as I thought we were doing a great job with her and her sister but I can now see it as a reflection on a moment in time rather than a reflection on us as a family and as parents. He will be feeling confused and angry with himself (and a bit of a numptie) so just be there, be understanding and just listen.

I remember those teenage years well myself and did some things that I now look back on with utter self loathing but they shaped me into who I am today, I'd like to consider myself a well rounded (in more ways than one - darn wine and choccy) individual and I've learnt from my mistakes.

I've just spent half an hour calming DD2 down, her friend had a panic attack at lunch time, the first Dd2 has had to witness as an outsider (she frequently has them herself) and she was shocked, upset and worried that she felt helpless bit also that she's put us through all this everytime she has one.

Teenagers are hard work....but lovely too.

kidcat

VJsmum - can I just say that kids things all the time and your son used a phrase all kids use at the moment, for the child to respond in that manner is beyond unacceptable, I dont count it as premeditation on your DS behalf, more that he got more and more upset about it and finally snapped.
Excluding him from school is acceptable in the circumstances however I do think the other child should be punished as well, that way your DS understands that there are other ways of dealing with issues.

Kez ((hugs)) I cannoy believe people are treating you this way, you are worth so much more than that, enjoy tomorrow and remember that you are way better than they are.

monnagran

Do you know, I feel very sorry for teenage boys these days. I think that an awful lot is expected of them. At a time when the hormones are dancing a fandango and new, confusing emotions are very near the surface they are supposed to be wise, patient and restrained in the face of provocation. While I would never endorse violence I do think that sometimes a quick punch is less damaging than the catty !!!!!ing and character assassination that girls deal out.
Women who suffer bad PMT are hardly oceans of serenity and gentleness. It's all the same but however unreasonable and bad tempered they may be, women are rarely punished or admonished for it, they just have the guilt to deal with!:(

Having said that, I have to confess that my sons went through hell if I ever found out that they had behaved badly. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

A very good, long standing friend of mine has a daughter who is often in the national headlines for her awful behaviour, and she is in her forties - born within a few days of my DS1 - indeed, they were almost brought up together, shared birthday parties, holidays etc. Her Mum said to me not long ago, "She's my daughter and I love her, but she's really not a nice person." I was so sad for her.

So, all you with embarrassing, difficult sons, just be grateful that they are not making newspaper headlines!:D:D

Kez: Don't ever call those unsympathetic, shallow creatures 'friends'. Friends don't do those sort of things. Enjoy the people you meet that you have a connection with and keep a good distance between you and the others. It takes time to sort the wheat from the chaff but it is so worth the wait.

Packed lunches? My DB went through the whole of his Grammar School years from age 11 -18 taking a packed lunch to school. It was composed of 4 white bread sandwiches, 2 banana and 2 marmalade. He never seemed to get bored or tired of them and complained bitterly if Mum tried to ring the changes occasionally.
He was very athletic, went off to college at 18 and played Hockey for the first team and was also in the Trampolining team. He is now 68 and goes off on real trekking holidays. He still likes bananas and marmalade - though not necessarily together.;)

x

kidcat

There is a big movement starting in SEN circles to stop the whole packed lunch ban, my DS9 wouldnt eat a school dinner ever, he has a very set lunch that never varies. Most SEN kids have packed lunch in my experience so the whole prospect is ridiculous. The other issue is cost, a school dinner which is tiny costs £2.10 a day, it cannot be legal to force parents to pay all that every day surely?

maryb

My head is spinning with the speed reading to catch up with this thread after a week away.

It moves so fast it seems redundant to comment on some of the discussions but just a couple of things jump out at me

All the talk about diet and going paleo/primal - I looked at this very carefully but in the end I felt more drawn to Nourishing Traditions (google Weston A Price Foundation and Sally Fallon). I combine this with the 5:2 diet and I really feel this integrates everything I instinctively feel about the right way to eat. I can't cope without carbs, I feel very depressed after just a short while. But equally I am sure that our current diet is too loaded towards carbs and it's not good for us. Nourishing Traditions helps me to include carbs in a good way. And 5:2 makes a lot of sense as well. I can cope with fasting much better than trying to cut out a whole food group. And I struggle to see how to see how I could be a prepper (SHTF thread) if I had to rely wholly on proteins and fats

Moments of Sanity I can really relate to your situation. I went back to work when DD1 was 6 months (and that was a long maternity leave in those days) I always wanted to be at home with them but finances never permitted. DD1 didn't seem to mind but DD2 really turned the knife when she was about 8 or 9 by saying how much she wanted to have a mummy at home.

Anyway, as they got a bit older, it became possible to cut back on work a bit but it wasn't enough and I really wanted to be there for them before they flew the nest. So four years ago when DD1 was just starting at uni but DD2 was still only 14, I took early retirement.

And DD2 turned round and said to me ' It's too late now I don't need you anymore'

But she recently admitted that she has really liked me being at home. Just because they are older doesn't mean they need you less, whatever they think or say. In many ways I think they need you more than when they were little. Certainly, I find that she talks to me at times when I simply wouldn't be there if I were still working. And you have to seize the moment with teenagers! five minutes later and they have reverted to being monosyllabic - if you see them at all!!

maryb

PS Fuddle, I have only one more year of school with DD2 but I would feel the same as you if they tried to tell me I couldn't send in a packed lunch.

I am their mother, not an unpaid carer for the State's property!

amber03

VJSMUM, I have worked in both junior and secondary schools for the last ten years as a dinner lady. One thing that me and my work mates have notice is that when the children hit year 9 they change they argue and fight more and seemed to have changed from "normal children" my own son included. I think its because of their hormones and I bet that if you asked any of your sons friends families they will be experiencing similar things. I definitely need a lot more patience with them, but I wouldn't swop my job. Also when they go through years 10 and 11 they seem to calm down and become more human again.

On the subject of packed lunches, I would definitely not ban them. Some of the lunch boxes at the school I work at are fantastic and give me ideas for home. I did give my son crisps and a chocolate biscuit in his lunch box as well as sandwiches cos I wanted to make sure that he would eat these and not be hungry in the afternoon so he would study. We always eat healthy at home, where I can see what he is eating and knowing that it is not being thrown in a bin. At school I will not force a child to eat as I know when this happens they will be sick, I always ask them to try it as they may like it, usually it works.x

VJsmum

thank you all so much. I didn't really expect so much reassurance and understanding. I knew you wouldn't censor me or him but so much previous experience makes me feel so much better.

I am going to show this to OH who I think is still struggling.

Popperwell

Hi All,
I can only offer reassurance and support over problems like has happened at school and most children/teenagers are decent and stay out of trouble and avoid situations rather than allow it to become physical. Therefore if this goes further it would be so wrong.

In the end as an example VJ's son won't do it again. And if there is a meeting at school the person who provoked the situation should be made clear that he should not have made such a personal attack either.

Kezlou, I'm happy that you managed to find a way through your difficult day and that sounds lovely winding with a book, a cup of tea and as I love that kind of music that would have really suited me too.

If the beach you are going to is Saltburn...enjoy I was there on Wednesday(its the Farmers Market tomorrow too)

I was in the company of the Mayoress tonight(and I came home in the mayoral car:D:eek:)There was a spare seat and I thought it was a very kind gesture.

Hows that!

Great concert and it was so cool in the church(but it is around 800 years old and made of stone...)once outside again it was uncomfortable.

[Deleted User]

Morning Toughies, I'm hoping that all of you are rested and feeling that your worlds are a little more settled today, it's going to be a very hot one according to the weatherman so make sure you all drink lots of water and don't get dehydrated. I'm AWOL until Monday as I'm off to meet DD1 and then stay with her for the weekend doing wedding things, not long to go now and it's getting exciting!!!

We had excitement here yesterday evening, my neighbours daughter had the school prom and we had 8 stunningly beautiful young ladies and a very large white stretched limo outside and lots of photographs and giggling and proud parents, it was heart warming to see thier efforts to be young ladies and not teenagers for the evening and thier Mums faces bursting with pride at the sight of them en masse, they literally stopped traffic, the photoshoot went on for about 15 minutes and people stopped thier cars and smiled and waited, the girls were so very happy, it was lovely!!!

Look after yourselves and put away yesterday and all its irksomeness, today as they say is another day, so live it to the full and enjoy yourselves, Cheers Lyn xxx.