The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

savingqueen

pooky, how about mini pizzas, can use up anything in the fridge (use english muffins if you don't want to make dough) or chicken drumsticks?

proud parent moment - had parent's eve last night and had 2 glowing reports, not just academically but both had As for effort in every single subject and DS6's behaviour has been great. Just a few months ago he was really struggling and I was so worried about him. An excellent teacher and brilliant learning mentor (and lots of parental input of course) and he is in a far better place now. He got to show the animal project he has been working on at school (with LM) for months to his class, his new teacher for next year, Deputy Head and Head and got presented with a special certificate. I am blown away with the project, it is amazing, I have learnt a lot of facts myself. All the teachers have mentioned how amazed they are. I am so very proud of him and just had to share it. Hope that's ok.

I am struggling a bit OS wise as so tired and busy (and hot, not moaning just saying ). I am not going to worry about it, sometimes you just have to manage as best you can eh? After our hols (8 days and counting!) I will look forward to getting back in the swing of things.

cat pestering for food, kids will be soon too so best get off my btm

edit sorry pooky, posted too late!
laters
sq:)

kidcat

Pooky - brilliant news that kitty is doing better

Fuddle - I agree I felt that it made difficult viewing and was still fairly judgemental, the chicken breasts in my local stores would have cost lots more and probably done at a push two meals, whereas a chicken will make a few meals and then the bones that woman was so dismissive of can be made into a good soup.

I enjoyed the budget food one much more and felt it more beneficial and less "bashing"

VJsmum

Can I offload? I hope you don't mind.

My lovely, docile, funny DS has been in trouble at school cos he thumped another boy :eek::eek:

I am in total shock and don't really know what to do. They are both 14 (year 9) and there was an incident yesterday which resulted in DS saying to the boy "Alright, don't kill yourself" which is awful (and shocking given what I am about to say) but apparently is a standard "joke" so called at the school. The boy retorted "what, like your Uncle?" (my OH's brother ended his own life just over 3 years ago). Now if DS had thumped him then, I might have understood but he didn't. He came home and didn't say anything about it. Today a load of boys were saying "YOu should have hit him" so --- he did I am more upset than I can say - the premeditation, the peer pressure, the fact that it is something which can't be undone.

He is excluded on Monday and seems contrite but I can't read him at all. We have taken his X box and other treats away but are not sure what else to do to punish him. We are not cross - just frustrated and perplexed.

Sorry, I know no-one can help, just needed to get it out.

[Deleted User]

VJsMUM I so understand how you feel, we had a situation with DD2 when she was 14 not physical action against anyone but pressure from peers so great that we worried for her wellbeing. She shut us out completely so I couldn't read her either and she was being so obstreporous as to be impossible to live with, I spent lots of time alone in our room but, as with all things it passed eventually and we talked about it eventually and it was just a bid for independence and nothing sinister at all, she was not an easy child and that continued into university years but, she grew up into a warm and wonderful human being and we are now the very best of friends as well as Mum and daughter. Your son reacted to a very calculatedly cruel taunt, not because his peers coerced him into retaliating, but because his inner emotional core was hurt, and what he needs right now is probably a little time out as he is most likely apalled at his own actions, and having a difficult time in accepting what he did himself.
Give him and yourselves a little time out and he'll want to talk and maybe you can all help understanding to happen as to why this got through to him as much as it did. He's still your boy and you still love him, that's all he really needs to understand right now. Hugs and love Lyn xxx.

kezlou

hi vj, just had to reply, we've had that with ds1 he's now 13, In his last year of primary school he just blew his top. He lashed out and the people who taunted him. Completely out of character as he is normally a person who runs a away from a fight and would rather talk his way out of a situation rather than a fist fight.

What i did with ds1 was sit down with him and had a chat about what happened. I stared off by saying you know i love you to bits and nothing you ever do will change that. I said i wasn't happy with physical side of things but i understood why it happened. By the end of the chat my ds felt relaxed and at ease because he felt safe knowing that no matter what i would be there for him.

I'm sure your ds did this due to peer pressure and the raw nerve of the comment and then he exploded. I hope i have not offended you in any way.

VJsmum

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

VJsMUM I so understand how you feel, we had a situation with DD2 when she was 14 not physical action against anyone but pressure from peers so great that we worried for her wellbeing. She shut us out completely so I couldn't read her either and she was being so obstreporous as to be impossible to live with, I spent lots of time alone in our room but, as with all things it passed eventually and we talked about it eventually and it was just a bid for independence and nothing sinister at all, she was not an easy child and that continued into university years but, she grew up into a warm and wonderful human being and we are now the very best of friends as well as Mum and daughter. Your son reacted to a very calculatedly cruel taunt, not because his peers coerced him into retaliating, but because his inner emotional core was hurt, and what he needs right now is probably a little time out as he is most likely apalled at his own actions, and having a difficult time in accepting what he did himself.
Give him and yourselves a little time out and he'll want to talk and maybe you can all help understanding to happen as to why this got through to him as much as it did. He's still your boy and you still love him, that's all he really needs to understand right now. Hugs and love Lyn xxx.

You are, as ever, the voice of reason. Thank you so much for this.

Kezlou - thanks also for your kind and logical words. Of course I am not offended.

He is v. contrite and keeps giving me little pats - he refused my offered hug. I think the timing is good (not that any of it is good), in that he has to suffer a week at school but then will have 6 weeks off. If the boy's parents take no action then, hopefully, the whole thing will blow over.

[Deleted User]

It's not easy being young, mind, it's not easy being older either, bless you all, talk, you'll find each other again, sleep well ALL of you, and tomorrow will be a better day, Love Lyn xxx.

Cheapskate

VJSMUM, my older 2 were in similar situations around 14 or 15. Each incident was retaliation after severe provocation, but unfortunately it was in school time and teachers were present. They were each excluded for a day, along with the other parties (who actually got 2 days as all witnesses agreed they were to blame), but both were fired up about it. I had to explain that fighting in school, even under the circumstances, just isn't on, and we had a sort of unspoken understanding that if they settled their differences in their own time, and not on school property, then that was a private matter! I'm not condoning or encouraging violence, but sometimes kids fight, and sometimes it's physical, and as long as there was no bullying, then a little scrap might be the best way to clear the air. I bet if your DS had hit the other lad at the moment of the insult, he'd have got away with just a ticking off, and the other would have been in more trouble, especially if others had heard the comment.

Sorry, not a lot of help, just want you to know that it happens to other decent kids like yours - (((hugs)))

A xo

kezlou

vj fingers crossed all will go well, he contrite so he knows whats he done. when the six weeks holiday come he can finally relax, what with the tension of school etc you'll see a change a in him. I know i do with both of mine. I enjoy the 6 weeks as i can see both of my children unwinding and physically becoming well again.

Had a really bad day on Thursday, my panic and anxiety levels went through the roof. I nearly collapsed and chest just closed up. I just had to get away from everyone, so i ignored my phone.Went to the central library picked three books, all whilst trying to calm down. Went outside just as the tea house opened and went in. As soon as i ordered the almond cream tea, sat down and began to read the temptation of jack orkney by doris lessing. I instantly started to calm down, a bit 40's music playing in the background. Phoned up fuddle and she instantly made me feel better. She doesn't know it but she is a star.:D
After i left the tea house, i felt light inside, just went home after collecting the boys and ignored the world. I just needed a few hours just being me.

Its been a busy few weeks just getting everything sorted, we are so ready for the six weeks holiday its unbelievable. I hardly have anything planned for us, but we need to be away from school and stress.

Wednesday was awful, ds1 went hyper and i had to severely tell him off twice. It was the first time my two new friends had seen him like this. He humiliated me so badly, the morning was awful a supposed friend took the mick and refused to speak to me. Instead it spoilt the day and the other two people we were with were made to feel extremely uncomfortable. so i thought i've had enough of this nonsense and decided not to contact them until next week. I'm confront them, something i have never done before, and find out exactly what is going on. The other two people we were with couldn't understand the behaviour and pointedly took me to one side and said "hun, this is not your fault, you have been perfectly lovely to her. You are a lovely genuine person and don't you dare feel bad about yourself. you have done nothing wrong".
I really feel these new people are genuine, and insisted on calling me they friend, even though one of them i have only met twice. I literally had tears in my eyes.

Today they persuaded me to meet them for lunch and we have agreed to meet tomorrow to go to the beach. Guess what i actually said yes and so has my OH :eek::eek: Scary or what. I'm telling ya fuddle your making me do things i normally wouldn't do chick!!!

Cheapskate

kezlou, I'm sad for you that people you thought friends are turning out not to be, but's it's smashing that you're making new ones who sounds so genuine. Have a smashing time at the beach! fuddle's a star in the making.

A xo