The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

mardatha

Lol Pooky - I go to visit my kids I sit there like a wee mouse and pick up any crumbs, wash my cup out, and am general so polite that they think I'm ill. I'm terrified of offending my DILs lol.
Went to my daughter last night to see her new house (house number 15!) and its THE one I think, I see her settling at last. From her back window you can see a field full of allotments, so we went exploring. There's a wee lane and a gate just feet from her front door, we went in and had a wander around looking at all the plots. Was nice, apart from the midges

[Deleted User]

Well spotted NARGLEBLAST I did wonder if that might be the case as MIL did a similar thing and became very outspoken and even abusive before the real changes that dementia brings became noticeable. If we'd realised we might have spared FIL a couple of very trying years before he had the help he didn't like to ask for but it was not spotted as we lived here in Hampshire and they were still back in Kent and having a phone conversation with MIL she was perfectly lucid and sounded completely normal. POOKY it might be worth, if you can achieve it, visiting them regularly maybe 3 or 6 monthly to monitor any changes and deterioration that happens. It would really be sensible though to perhaps get an informal assessment done of Mum and get Dad help earlier rather than later.

monnagran

Hi,
It's a bit chilly here this morning but nice and bright and will probably warm up later. I did a load of washing yesterday so ironing is on the cards for today.
Before our guests arrived last week I sent the rev out to buy a mirror for the downstairs loo. She came back with one that, quite by accident, matched the loo seat. So posh! Last night the loo seat broke and I don't think we have a snowball's chance in hell of finding another one to match the mirror. Still, we have to go out today and buy a new seat. What a fun life we lead.

Pooky: When we had our suspicions that all was not well with my Mum, and Dad didn't seem to be aware or bothered, I wrote to her doctor spelling out the behaviour that worried us. I explained that my father seemed unaware of anything wrong and begged the doc to keep my letter confidential.
Bless him, he sent a health visitor round on the pretext that it was the new rule that elderly patients were visited to see if all was well with them. She told Dad that she found a few concerns about Mum and would he mind if she sent a Psycho-Geriatrician round to have a chat with her. It was then that Mum was diagnosed with dementia and Dad was very impressed with the Health Visitor's perspicacity. Till the day he died he had no idea of my part in it. I just wonder if anything like this would be possible. Of course it would be better if you were able to talk to your father about it but I agree with others, sooner rather than later.
This might be an over-reaction, it just might be your mother's personality, but it's worth a thought.

Mar: you can visit me any time. Someone who sits quietly, doesn't make crumbs and washes her own cup out sounds like a dream guest.

x

Pooky

Thanks all,

I'm not sure it's anything other than just her being her - my Grandad was exactly the same - very outspoken and would swear black was white to win an argument. I will have a quiet word with Dad if I get chance but he has his own health concerns at the moment and I dont want to worry him unduly. We see them every few months so I can keep a check on her but as it's normally only a visit we don't always get a complete overview like we have with her being here for the week. It's her birthday next month (66) so we'll go see her and I'll see what's what. I'll have a word with my sister too (sister moved away after uni and doesn't mix with the family - only speaks to mum once a month on the phone) so she wont be any help but maybe I can persuade her to visit and see what she thinks too.

Chimney sweep has just been!! Yay - I feel all clean and safe about having fires again now - might have to have a sneaky one this evening - just to test it's all ok

savingqueen

Hi everyone

sorry meant to say glad your kids' school is great Possession.

Pooky - I know they may be a geniune reason for it but your mum's comments about size especially to the waitress.....:eek: My MIL is almost as bad, thank goodness haven't had to see her for a long time, probably have to at some point but I will drag that time out as long as I can! My dad can be very rude and has always been that way -I used to warn friends and boyfriends before they visited our house.

Had a productive hour after school run doing errands that were amazingly quick. Just doing few essentials like laundry and washing up in between on here and then off out for lunch. DH hasn't been up long so he will skip breakfast (which he has very late at his desk at work usually) and we will go to lunch early. Suits me, the longer time we have, the longer we can hang around having a coffee before we pick the kids up.

Letter re 11+ arrangements just came in post and we have to be there for 8-8.30am which suprised me so for us we will have to be up before 7am that Saturday. I assumed that DH would leave me to take DS10 but he said of course he will come along to. He has earned a brownie point or two there.... a few more to make up yet. Relationships huh?

have a good day everyone

fuddle

Just about to fry off a bit diced lamb to throw in the slow cooker with carrots. Tonight is shepherds pie but unfortunately I bough the wrong cut of meat so it will be shepherds pie filling without the 'pie' and a globule of mashed tatty accompanying.

Warm and sunny and set to continue till at least Friday next week. All £ signs for me as it means no heating.

Mornings are cold though, even DH fished out his work pullover this morning. That reminds me to go call him to make sure he has himself ear defenders!

I was talking to a lady of years this morning about my knees, DH's hearing and dodgy eye and how young we appeared to be for such problems. She attributed it to when they were younger, hands and knees scrubbing floors, husbands firing artillery and suggested the problems that are coming to light in our 30's are across the board generationally, the only difference is that screening and testing are available now and to look at it as a way of getting to the older years easier then they have had it. Part of me likes your attitude to the docs though monnagran By the way, have you been yet? Will if the law of s*d is happening to The Rev and yourself there's hope for the rest of us Enjoy toilet seat hunting!

Possession

Oh dear Pooky, reminds me of my grandma. She's 93 and not shy of offending people. :eek:
Well I'm poorer but I have clean(er) carpets. I also seem to have got rid of an entire house full of junk that was hidden behind the sofas. I've seen bits of floor I didn't even know I had.
And remember DD being so scared of the dentist but needing work because she had two teeth where the enamel didn't form properly in the womb? Well this week she had both filled. It took an hour each time and a lot of gas and air but the dentist at the special dental care unit has been fantastic with her and it worked! I don't think she gets what a big deal it is that those teeth are now saved. (They are adult teeth.) So hooray for the NHS. Talking of which, my friend goes in for her mouth cancer op on Monday. I'm trying to think what I can do to help, other than take the girls to school. I suspect her PILs will come to stay while she's in hospital (at least 5 days) so they can cover day to day stuff.

fuddle

Possession if I had a lot of stress and worry you know what I would really like? To not have to worry about getting the girls to school, and back home, safely. That one little gesture will probably be worth so much to her.

savingqueen

I am also grateful for the mild weather, great to get the washing dry still and no heating yet. Our gas usage has gone down from last year, very pleased with my efforts. Haven't had the electric bill in yet though. Slow cooker has reduced the gas but waiting to see if it has impacted on the leccy. It is chillier in the early morning and evening though so time to start thinking of autumn adjustments. We take our big rug from the living room up into the spare room in the summer so that will be one of the first things to reverse.

I agree with fuddle, offering to do school runs is really helpful and reassuring Possession. If you have time, pop into the hospital to see you friend. Having visitors to look forward to helps so much when you are poorly in hospital. If the PILs go home after her hospital stay, your friend may be grateful for a little help then as well.

Had a lovely lunch with DH. Makes me realise that we must make more of an effort to spend time together outside the home and children. We have also had a chat about our finances and longer term plans. I have said we need to trim the budgets again. I sort the finances on my own but I need to include DH in our planning. I am going to be stricter with budgets - DH has a tendency to say what the heck, lets do/buy x and is also buying too many lunches instead of taking them from home but he has agreed that if we are low on a budget before pay day we won't spend unless it is absolutely vital. All this dipping into our savings pot means it is going down instead of up and I feel like we will never get the house sorted at this rate. I think I need to make it more of a challenge, have an amount and date to aim for like the DFW and MFW boards.

Feeling incredibly sleepy now and have a sore throat, not sure why. I will do the afternoon/eve chores and then flop on the sofa and early to bed I think.

nursemaggie

Well today was the day of my trip to Withenshawe Hospital. I was picked up by hospital transport at 11.40am and arrived in the clinic just before 12.30pm. I knew Google could not count it is not 38 miles away only about 25, about the same as the Christie Hospital.

I have still got to be referred again as they can't download anything from my cpap machine. My new Dr, very nice he is will have to write to my old one and get details so they can set up a new machine for me. They did not have a mask to fit but he gave me one anyway for me to try.

Sympathy's to those having to look at secondary schools. Just remember don't put down a second choice if you really do not want them to go there because they will say that you got your choice.

Pooky I have to admit it did cross my mind too. I think as we get older we do have to watch ourselves criticising our adult children but it is more worrying when they are rude to strangers. Not all dementia is serious some causes are easily fixed. I think it is a good idea talking to your sister. If she sees less of them she will notice more if there is something wrong. The food problems you can have at any age. My DS39 and family are a case in point and his partner always waits until I am dishing up before telling me she does not like something having watched me cook it. All four of them just don't like real food.

Oh Mar you can come and share my jelly babies any time, the perfect guest.

Fuddle's right when we have problems the most worrying thing is our kids even if they are grown up. Picking up your friends children from school will be the biggest practical help you can give. Just being there will also be appreciated as she may be able to talk to you about thing her family do not want to face.

Sorry there was such a lot to read I have forgotten the rest to hugs to everyone.