Shamus dfw diary- a long long road

SortingIt_2

Afternoon,

I am so glad that you have laid it on the line with OH about how you are feeling. I hope it makes you feel better just by doing it and also that he now realises what you are going through. Keep us updated with how you get on.

I am being a good girl and at work today for 6 hours and then again I plan on doing another 6 tomorrow, thats an extra 12hours pay to come! Can't be bad! OH is away this weekend and not back until Mon so thought why not work rather than sit at home feeling bored or spending money, which is a def no at the minute! Had a lovely afternoon/eve yest as half day - went to cinema and then for a curry - yum!

Right better get back to work - look forward to your postings later. I will log on again this evening when I get home.

Good luck xxxx

shamu95

well i had a phonecall from my parents today and i nearly bit their heads off and they were trying to be nice.
They want me to go away for a weekend to amsterdam with my dad.-to take my mind off things and help me through this. im not too proud of my reaction which was how do you think losing a weekends worth of pay and then paying for a passport and not to mention presents for kids helping.
To which the response was that i need to chill out.
I know they only trying to help just grrrr.
OH hasnt said anything else on the matter apart from why am i suddendly so stressed when i have improved so much? men!!!

Sorting it-glad you had a great afternoon-did you see anything good at the cinema? We are gunna go as a family to see shrek next month as kids keep begging.

Lynz - i hope my OH lets the penny drop. me and OH find it quite difficult to talk bout our future we have drifted quite far apart. maybe in time.

SortingIt_2

Hi Shamu,

It's so hard to be excited about things like your parents offering you a trip to amsterdam - my first thoughts would be exactly the same as yours..... can't afford it!! At that in itself triggers something, some kind of defence in me(not sure if was the same for you) it almost turns me angry but only with myself.... does that make any sense? I get frustrated that I am in this situation and then somehow end up taking it out on those that I love most, it's weird. Almost like a defence mechanism??

I am sorry to hear that you and your partner are finding it hard to talk about the future. Not sure if it helps and probably not the same but went through a bad spell with my OH as he couldn't get his head around all the debt I had and was frustrated being that he could see a future with me but didn't know how we were going to get there etc and the fact that ex, dad and mum owe me money which is all stopping us from moving forward.... so on and so on... it was a horrible time but we got through it and touch wood he has been very supportive since and I couldn't ask for much more right now. It frustrates me, as I am sure it does you too, I sometimes wish we could just magic it all away. Money can be the route of all evil sometimes, I think its the only thing that OH and I have really ever had serious arguements about.

I am trying now not to talk to much to OH about money situation unless he asks and then I update him on my progress - it got to a point where I was always talking about it (not hard as it consumes our lives!) and nothing else really. I am now visiting this website and sorting it myself and showing other half my positive progress now and again rather than talking about it.

On another note, went to see Oceans 13 - really enjoyed it. I want to see Shrek too, might borrow one of my nephews for an afternoon!

I hope you don't mind me asking but are you worried about you and OH? You have a lot of stress going on, do you have any family holidays planned or time off?

I am sure your parents will understand your reactions and see your view - its fine to say that you need to chill out - easier said than done when you do as much as you do in a week! I consider myself lucky just having my journey to and from work and then my time is mine. Keep posting or send me a PM any time if you need a chat - it's important that you can vent off any stresses, I more than happy to listen/chat - may help you when dealing with OH and family. I wish they could see that you require a bit more support be it financially or helping with the ebay or even just doing something to free up some time for you to yourself. Is it an option to come to a comprimise with mum and dad and maybe suggest that they take you on a day trip somewhere rather than a long weekend? Or even send you on a pamper day to hotel where you can really relax?

Re OH - it seems that he has noticed that you are stressed. Why not bring this up again and say 'yes you have noticed and I have told you why' etc etc, see if he is willing to help out. Maybe if you suggest it in another way like contributing a little more towards the household bills which will therefore reduce what you have to pay in so you can pay more to your debts.... this means that he will not be directly paying your debt but frees up some money for you - even if he did from now until christmas??. Does that make sense??

Right, will stop yapping now, sorry!

Take care and keep posting xxx

shamu95

Morning,
OH and i are like 2 ships that sale by. We just dont have any time to spend together. We dont argue that much but we dont see each other that much. We each have our own lives that only seem fused together by the kids, will be beter when they are at school and i can work socialiable hours.
we have got a week off near end of july but no real plans it will be tidying house and ill be doing more avon etc.
TBH me and OH is really the last thing on my mind.

Im a bit like you were with the money thing-its totally all consuming and the only thing i seem to be able to think clearly about. I do talk about it a fair bit, whether its what extra ive earnt or what i could do to earn more. But i dont tell OH that much about it. He does thing ive exaggerated things- he doesnt believe that it would be possible for me to have gone from so bad to where i am in such a short timeframe.
Its the lack of faith and belief and encouragement that i lack. I dont think that anyone believes i can really do this and maybe thats why ive started doubting myself.

Anyway sorry for going on yet again.
xx

SortingIt_2

Morning,

You are not going on and please continue beleiving in yourself - you are doing so well and you will do this. I beleive in you and think that you are well on your way to a debt free life! Lets face I don't think either of us ever want to put ourselves further in to debt so fingers crossed it can only get better. It must be hard when you don't have the support and encouragement at home, I am quite lucky with my OH in that respect but you WILL get there and I am sure in six months time things will be even better!

I can't beleive he doesn't beleive that you have come on so far! What does he think you have been doing these past few months apart from working your socks off to sort everything out! You keep at it, all your hard work is paying off!

I am sat at work again, not sure how I made it here to be honest. It took me over 2 hours to get here (sunday train services!) but I am here and feel good about earning a few extra pennies, it all helps plus like I said OH is away so I would have probably just sat around the flat feeling sorry for myself.

Last night my mum and nephew came around for the evening which was nice and mum brought a chinese which was nice - although could do without eating the takeaways at the moment!!

What do you have planned for the rest of your day? xx

shamu95

Hi, i can not believe that you commute so long every day. You are very brave. Well done on the overtime.
Today the sun is shining and the OH is at work until 3. I have the washing in so it can dry outside and i may tackle the ironing. The kids are being sooo good.
I may being going out tonight but not sure as feels too much like sponging.
Am debating whether to ring parents and apologise.
What time do you finish today?
I know what you mean about takeaways-remember i live off mcdonalds-literally. must be the stress that keeps my weight level.lol

SortingIt_2

I think you should go out tonight - it's not sponging, I am sure people want to pay for things etc if they know the situation that you are in. Enjoy yourself! I know my friends are really good, when they know I am strapped for cash or feeling a bit down they come and pick me up and take me out for a nice meal or something and pay for it - a treat for me being such a good friend to them... I would do the same in return if I could. I don't see it as sponging, friend want to do things for eachother now and again. We all do things for each other but in different ways.

I would ring your parents and apologize, it will probably make you feel much better and just explain to them how you are feeling and how you are trying to get on top of things etc but finding it hard. I assume they know about your debts? Can they not help at all?

Glad to hear the kids are being good and the sun is shining! It's been miserable from the moment I woke up, rain rain and more rain!! I can finish when I want so am going to play it by ear and check the train updates - yesterday only just made it home, all trains behind mine were cancelled due to a fallen tree! Lucky me, can think of nothing worse than being stuck in London for hours with nothing to do and no money!

I plan on getting up on top of ALL my ironing and washing tonight - I have a day off work on Tues to spend with OH and do not want to do any sort of cleaning etc just spend it chilling out together and then we are off to the dogs in the evening with his work friends for a night out, never been, have you?

Better get back to it! xx

shamu95

totally pouring it down here now.
dont think i going out anymore as my friend doesnt want me to be tired all week-what he means is he doesnt want a misery guts all night.
seem to have lost my good friends or should i say the ones i thought were good friends. I just wish i could run away and start again but i dont do things like that.
i have never ever felt more alone than i do now and i dont understand why when i really need them they arent there i really must have changed a lot

SortingIt_2

I am sure you haven't changed at all. I recently in the last couple of years have found out who my real friends are, one to do with money, two the change in jobs and three my ex. Through all of these there have been friends that have stood by me all the way, some who just seemed to have dissapeared and not made the effort and then others who have totally shocked me who I thought were just associates through work etc but have turned out to be the best friends that I could ask for. We all go through stages where we need friends more than ever and I am sure you are finding out who those real friends are, it really hurts when someone you think would be there for you isn't but just keep it to heart those that are are your friends and you will be ok. Also some friends are good at being there for certain things and not others - if that makes sense? Do you have a large circle of friends?

Please don't feel that you alone, hey if I lived nearer to you I would be keeping your spirits up and making sure you didn't feel alone as I know exactly how you are feeling! I can do it though this site though hopefully as best I can :-)

Don't put too much pressure on yourself, I am sure you haven't changed in yourself you just have a lot of pressure and at the moment your priorities have changed to ensure that you can look towards a better future for you, your family and your friends.

Your are doing so well lovely - pick yourself up and please please please don't let this get to you. You are a fantastic person and have achieved so much of late!

Keep posting, take care

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

shamu95

thank you for your kind words. i am not going to let all this get me down again. I want to do this for myself and my kids. I wouldnt say i had a wide circle of actual friends but i do have a lot of collegues that i am friendly with at work and a few close friends.
Its hard to have proper friends with no time for a social life and kids with you at all times.lol
I guess i understand really as most of the people are still teenagers and dont totally understand 'real'life at the moment.
Will be interseting to see how everyone especially OH is with me when i do achieve the dfd!!!

Lynz- i have looked into this dmp stuff and am not going to do it. It appears that i need to be defaulting which i am not and that i also will get charging orders put on house and i do not want that ever. i would rather struggle for eternity than put the kids home at risk esp when i have heard how deceptive creditors can be.

I am just praying that i will get a boost soon-im sure im due one.lol